20/20

I once told my first boss of my first real job that I'll stay working with him so long as I'm not creatively inhibited. I lasted there for 20 months, even though I felt like I already learned everything that I could learn even before my probationary period was over. Part of the reason why I stayed there that long is because with that job, I was able to pay off all remaining debts I had from college then immediately take a 14 day trip backpacking around Europe, managed to train to run a marathon in New Orleans and raise $3,000 to help support AIDS Project Los Angeles, save up for when I quit I had well over $10k saved up, and still was able to buy a camera or two and take a few photo classes in the process, while doing shoots for friends and for myself. As soon as I quit, I skipped town for the Big Apple, where I did two photo shoots while there and then came home to take a photo class or two before I was tied down to my next full-time commitments.

It was for the most part, a good time in my life.

Financially, that was a very bell-curved time, and as I look back, the times when I was at my peak in saving more money than I ever fathomed I could ever save, was the time I was most miserable.

I don't think I was ever destined to have much money in the bank.

That's not to say that I have a lot right now, but I have more money than I've had in the past year, and even though I could have more if I were a little smarter with my money, my most recent big expenditures have been for things that have/will make me very happy.

I hate thinking about money. I simply hate it. I guess it's a necessary evil, but I was much happier two years ago when I barely had any, but I had a lot more free time on my hands and was doing things I wanted to do.

I'm not doing much of what I want to do right now...writing more, taking more pictures, at least coming up with ideas for fun picture-taking opportunities, and this past Friday when I got to see some old friends jam at a small coffee house in Long Beach, I realized how much I miss performing and just monkeying around with some brilliantly musical people and shoot the musical shit, listening to others try to get their collective talents to possibly play an entire song, and be happy with the few occasions when I'd somehow contribute. I miss talking shop with those folks about the little nuances about songs and lyrics, and trying to figure out harmonies and chords together. I know some really big music nerds, and though I have been spending time with some pretty musically sharp people, it's been some time that I've spent time with people who are just always willing to pick up an instrument and jam.

It's rather sad that in 4 short years, I've lost track with what was the most important thing for me - for I've been living through this desert void of little, if any bits of creativity for the past two years. I miss the sleepless nights when my mind could not rest as some idea for a project stews in my brain, or the frustration I sometimes have after burning the creative candle out (as strange as it is to explain). I miss pulling my hair out when something is not working out the way I wanted it, and even though I really don't, I do kind of miss having to be careful of my clothing as I've ruined several good shirts with fixer from the wet darkroom. I miss writing non-pathetic and sad blog entries, and I oftentimes feel something bubbling inside that needs to be written out, but every time I try to get it out, I lose steam too quickly. I don't even know the last I actually played the guitar, and I've forgotten how to play chords.

I have to do a better job trying to balance things in my life - I need to find a way where I can be a responsible, money-making (and saving) adult who needs to pay for things like a car and rent, but still be able to creatively express myself. I've been able to satisfy one for the most part, but I think the other that I've completely neglected is something more important to have in my life than I ever thought (denial, perhaps?), that it's made me into this person that I don't think I really am (miserable).

I need a new game plan.

The Woes of the Asian American Artist

...for the most part, I should be more specific and focus on one big woe.

If you are Asian American with an artistic slant, or are very familiar and/or good friends with one, you would know that Woe Number One would be what our parents think about it.

I'm sure with more time, I could think of something else that could be more heartbreaking than having your child want to be an artist that wouldn't be very racist to write. Stripper/porn star isn't worse - they make pretty good money, and that would, at the very least, mean that your child is marginally good-looking and/or well-endowed enough to make the cut, and if you want to play the stereotype card, that would also entail the fact that your child has broken the norm.

Think about it - how many films are based on the wildly successful and/or colorful life of an Asian or Asian American artist? Do we have our own Caravaggio that we can be talk about? Okay, I'm sure there was some homosexual artist somewhere in Asia that went around fightin' and stabbin' people, but again, but with not enough acclaim and notoriety with which to make a film.

No, I'm not writing this entry to look for pity. In fact, since Asian American artist folk by nature will have a pretty thick skin from facing his/her parents and telling them that you want to be an artist (I'm sure that Sean Lennon didn't have such a problem, but I don't know if I'd want Yoko Ono as a mom, myself), there are several resilient and talented Asian-Am artists that have done well for themselves and have lived to tell the tale. Prince Gomolvilas has survived the ULTIMATE GUILT and has made a pretty nice career as a writer/performer, and has written an article on how to deftly follow your dreams while escaping the parental guilt (preview: yes, it involves lies and hiding stuff).

Now I'm not saying that secrets and lies are the way to go (though I'm also not not saying that that's not the way to go), but from my point of view, taking those measures aren't really that hard to achieve, especially when sometimes, your parents may not just "get it." That's not to say that my parents are inept to interpretation, but they just don't have the same sort of aesthetic as the things I've created, and I guess we'd have to agree to disagree.

...and behind my back, they may be talking about my wasting my life away on very confusing things...

Garbage in, Garbage out

There is nothing wrong with starting the Morning Pages when you're no longer sleepy groggy, right? I guess I'm making my own rules and those apply.

This is my morning, part II, and miraculously enough, I did manage to put in at least a few hours of sleep. Then again, I did hit the hay around 2, and then wound up waking with horrible tummy pain around 5, at which point I went running to the bathroom. I did feel a little rumble of that before going to bed, which I thought was just something that attributed to cramps, so I ignored it and passed out, not knowing that it was going to later kick my tummy and ass. Is that TMI? Meh. I'm just happy I managed to go back to sleep after that, and even remembered to turn off my alarm so I wasn't going to be persuaded to wake up at a certain time. After my second trip to the WC this morning, here I am, starting my daily writing exercise, and the kitties are already welcome in my room (cue kitties as they make their entrance as I type this).

I suppose this is what I get for betraying my usual love. I did try to keep in mind some of my company last night wasn't the most thrilled with Leo's taco truck, and I do recognize that there are a lot of people who don't, so we had the option to go with the familiar, or go with something new. I've been kind of curious in trying Sonia's taco truck, who is up the street from Leo's and is supposedly the truck of Leo's ex wife who left him because he supposedly cheated on her (both bits of information I gathered at different times, I guess I'm somehow kept abreast on taco truck drama...then again, it is Leo's I'm talking about). I was the maverick of the group and ordered a burrito instead of tacos like the rest, because I was pretty hungry, having only eaten some leftover veggie tostada fixin's that probably would have fit on two tortilla chip rounds, a mystery flavor hot pocket, and maybe a piece of candy. The burrito was okay, slightly spicy, and had a decent amount of meat, but it was agreed across the board that the tacos were not up to par with Leo's, even though the actually had a nice looking veggie taco (which doesn't count in the taco tally, apparently, because there is no gastronomical damage in putting a bunch of beans and salsa in, so it's more like a side). The food was so disappointing, we did wind up going to a sure fire good meal, Carnitas Michoacan, in order one good taco to wipe the ugly taco taste from the mouths of some, and more importantly for one, to introduce one of our party to Orange Bang! which was discovered she never had before. That could not be for one, and CM was going to happen in short order.

I didn't have anything, but the four of us shared a nice, large order of Orange Bang! I also did steal a small bite of an al pastor taco, for I'm not sure if I ever tried it there (though through the course of my going there, I'm more than certain that I have). Either way, it was good, and those who had redemption tacos were well satisfied.

That all said, it can be said there is something working against Sonia's as well, as my tumms is not happy with me right now. Of course, it could have been caused by other things, but what? I didn't even have alcohol last night (oh wait - I had a swig from "backwash bottle" and was gently persuaded to take a remarkable hit from The Bottomless Flask (damn you...which really actually means *hugs* yay, friendship!!!) but the booze wouldn't do something like that to me.

Needless to say, I find fault in those who have given that place a favorable review, unless this upsetness is caused by my shaking the hands of someone with dirty hands then eating my food, but that doesn't even make sense either, because I had a burrito, and was eating as I unwrapped the thing from its double layer cocoon.

I hope the tumms gets better soon. I'm supposed to go to an exhibit today, which I'm going to have to stomach, then I'm supposed to picnic. I can't very well picnic effectively if the tumms ain't having it...and if that be the case, that would be a bummer for sure.

It's funny that as I do these morning writing exercises, I find myself simply recounting what happened to me the day before. I don't think that's entirely a bad thing, I think, it's just that's what bubbles to the top on thoughts when I click on the "New Post" button. I guess this morning's events is concerning enough to dedicate to a blog entry (perhaps to my readers' dismay), but perhaps this entry should remain here as a constant reminder that do not try to have Sonia's again, and if you can't stand the wait for Leo's (of which, should have been an indicator for us, since there was NO LINE at this place), just go to Rambo's. Rambo's is not that that bad.

But yeah. I'm sure the more I make this more of a habit, the more that I'll be able to let out more things that perhaps need to be processed out of the inner workings of my head. Something like how instead of lying here longer to write an entry about the new camera I ordered yesterday, or having a nice cuddle session with the kitty that's currently purring my arm, or even taking a cat nap, I should really shower in order to start my day...

KITTY IT IS!!!

Maybe the Large, 6:00 Matcha Iced Tea was a Bad Idea

I can't sleep.

Maybe I should have had dinner.

But I'm awake still.

It doesn't help that I have a lot on my mind as well, but I'm sure that paired with the caffeine is a frustrating combination, because I really do want to sleep.

I'd like to recount my day since I was able to skip work today after a seminar and I hung out with my Adventure Buddy around Torrance/Gardena all day and had fun with Japanese things. I think I will, and provide some photographic findings of randomness, but I really don't have the motivation to monkey around with coding and writing about ham and cheese flavored potato chips right now. I will hopefully be able to do that soon.

If anything, let me tell you about this product called Eye Talk, which is basically eyelid glue to create folds on your eyelids if you don't have any. I never knew this thing existed until today:



So, if you have no eye folds and don't want to go through the Asian eyelid surgery, you can just pull a Cinderella and do it for a day (and then some).

Pair it with extra-wide contact lenses complete with pupil widening, and you've got yourself a live-action anime character!



KAWAIIIIIIIII DESU.....no?

Okay, I'm going to try to sleep again.

Hello Again

Let me do you the favor and tell you that if you want to watch the video, spending half a minute would suffice. Trust me.


Fancy that, I'm back to blogging.

It's not that I had nothing to write about, and had thoughts that I did want to put down in some shape or form, but this month since day one has been nothing short of madness, and along with other things in my life, blogging was one of the things that really didn't happen during this time.

As my entry at the end of last month suggested, I had big plans for the rest of the summer, with hopes of doing a few of those things in July. Unfortunately, this month was started in the most unsettling way: around 2:30am July 1, I woke up to a man standing at the end of my bed. He had somehow got our side door open, and was in my room for who knows how long. Sparing the details that I'd rather not get into, I'm okay, nothing was stolen to our knowledge, locks were changed/are fully functional now (though there was no sign of forced entry).

It was a very scary experience for me, as I was alone in the house with my roommate working the swing shift at the time. Even though the police came to investigate, dusted for fingerprints, and I have the support of many people around me, all of that still hasn't allowed me to completely put this experience behind me. Out of the 18 days of this month so far, I've only stayed at my home maybe 5 times, one being after the incident occurred, when my roommate came home from work and we locked ourselves into her room and slept in her bed. Since then, I've slept in 6 other beds aside from my bed at home. It worked out that I had plans to stay the night in other places already, as well as house sit for my boss and then house sit for my friends that I'm doing this week, so I don't have to spend nights alone at home, trying to sleep in the dark of my room, where it happened. Yes, there are new locks even for my room, but I still do feel uneasy about things, and since then, I've never really had a good night's sleep. I've either woken up in the middle of the night freaked out, have cried myself to sleep, or otherwise. I've had unsettling dreams every night as well.

As much as it is nice to get some space from the incident and where it happened, I worry that avoiding that space for so long will make it even more difficult for me to come back to it and try to settle back into normalcy. That's not to say that my time spent alone in a strange place as I've been doing for the bulk of this time has been easy, but I've managed to keep myself busy until I'm tired enough to go to bed. In those few times that I've been home without someone there with me, I do rather well by myself, keeping myself busy, keeping the lights off as much as possible so whoever doesn't know where I am/what I'm doing, but last I tried, each time I turn off the lights, this overwhelming sense of fear gets to me, and I then have to somehow convince myself there isn't anything to worry about and hopefully sleep will take me quickly.

I know these things take time, and I have to keep reminding myself that. Still, that doesn't stop me from waiting and wishing for the day that I can once again feel safe sleeping in my own bed, alone again.

...and in case you're wondering, I have been making something of an effort to find a new place to live.

NOT on the Wishlist

You'll be so good to notice that home invasion wasn't part of my previously compiled list.

At least I got my annual creepy pervert summer fix taken care of!

One of Those

You know...it's one of those weeks where everything's just off.

I've had a million things to do and take care of in the past few days, my internal clock is all out of whack, and I'm half-expecting to wake up in the morning to think that it should be Saturday already with all the work I've been doing this week. It's crazy to think that even with the assistance of an intern, there just isn't enough hours in the day to get everything done. Coming into work on Tuesday had me FREAKED out, because I had so much to do, yet had so much more I still needed to take care of, I was just dizzy thinking that I only had two more days left to do things. I thought it was already Thursday. I guess in a way it's a good thing, because it really forces me to crank out everything I need to get done so I can move onto the next thing, and I've really been getting that stuff out there and fast. I've caught myself a few times just taking a moment to sit back and realize what I'm doing, and by the end of the day, I'm just brain dead.

Sadly enough, right now I have no time to allow myself to veg out after punching out.

I've got my own things to take care of, been doing a lot of writing, including helping out my boss' housekeeper write an appeal for her son who just graduated from elementary school, and is not allowed to enroll in the middle school in the same district that he's been in (the one closest to work). I'm volunteering for an event Saturday morning, and have yet to set aside a bunch of clothes I no longer want for this clothes swap event. After that, I have to work at my job's latest performance. On top of that, I'm organizing games for a baby shower on Sunday, and have yet to buy all the materials needed for those games.

At least I've been good at remembering most things. Usually during times like this, I get blatantly absent minded, like turn on my headlights during the day, or trying to get out of the car without unfastening my seat belt, or almost leaving the house without shoes.

One thing I've done with that so far is put on my underwear inside out today. I didn't realize that until I went to the restroom later in the day.

The worst is when I make bad decisions based on appetite and that time of the month. Having not eaten meat for most of the week, I had a sudden hankering for the stuff. At first, I thought to get carne asada fries, which I've never had before, and through the course of time, it somehow dwindled down to Carl's Jr., where I decided to get one of my usual spicy chicken sandwiches, and out of curiosity, I dropped the $3.09 for their version of the chili cheese fries.



It takes a lot for me to pay about $0.50 more for something that's not Tommy's chili cheese fries, but I figured, I might as well try it now before I try it in absolute chili cheese fries desperation moment and become utterly disappointed in them. Of course, the picture of them looked good, and when I got the bag of food, it smelled like it was made with real beef, but when I got it home and opened the container, I got the biggest disappointment in my life.

Did you see the fries that girl in the commercial was having? Yeah, I was NOT having that. It had a lot of cheese, and what little "chili" they had looked pale for chili and had such a small amount of the stuff in the nest of skinny fries. The fries themselves were probably the saving grace, since they were skinny and seemed baked, and were tasty on their own. But dropping $3 on what's suppose to be chili cheese fries is a downright scam.

Summer's in full swing, but I didn't expect it to be so CRAZY.

There's one good thing about things being crazy right now, it makes you look forward for the time when things won't be as crazy. I do intend to have a fun summer this time around, even though mine last year actually wasn't as bad as I thought (Though it had its rough spots).

....Darn

I burned the soup.

Yes, it's possible. I had the fire on too darn high and didn't attend to it in time, and all the liquid was boiled away. I managed to salvage it, though, and I did add that other sausage. Now it tastes toasty.

Kitty is totally lethargic from the heat, too:


It's not even officially Summer yet, either. Ugh.

...is Good Food

Yes, it was pretty hot today (and still is in this house)
Yes, I did wind up walking 1/3 of the way home from Little Tokyo and then spent about 30 minutes being DASHed around my 'hood.
And yes, I'm making soup for dinner.

I was originally going to make a small batch, but out of impulse, I decided to upend the rest of the veggie broth that's most likely past its prime in the pot. I should have left at least a bit to soften my next batch of black beans. Add to the mix a cup of lentils, a small handful of chopped onions, and chopped up chicken sausage that's been smoked and seasoned in cajun spices. I'm debating on whether to add another, or at least half a sausage to the mix, not really looking for more sausage action, but to get a better spicy flavor incorporated into the broth.

Add to the mix the fact that I'm in bed right now, which is warm, and I have a sprawled out kitten next to me that's a bit lethargic, but has managed to inch her way closer and closer to me. Now her paws are touching my arm. She's VERY warm.

No matter how hot it is, I'd never give up soup, or kitties.

I Should Have Known Better

The Lakers lost, and they lost BIG TIME.

I really should have known better that the techniques I was using to help the Lakers win don't necessarily apply to the Finals. For the entire Playoff season, it seemed very effective for me to fall asleep on my parent's couch while watching the Lakers game, and they would win. That's not to say that they didn't win when I did this, for there were some games I missed, but when I was there and they seemed to be losing, I'd doze off and they'd recover.

This wasn't the case with Boston. I should have noticed the difference, after game one when I was at my parent's and they lost. I forgot where I was game two. Game three I was watching at the base of my friend's bed and dozed off for a bit and they won! Game 4, I made the harrowing 1+ hour trek to M-Town only to fall asleep to the pathetic game I didn't watch most of. Game 5 I watched at the loveseat of my friends and dozed off and they won, and Game 6 I made another 1+ hour trip to M-town (bad accident this time), crashed pretty hard unintentionally, and woke up to see them losing by FORTY PLUS. BAH. I even wore purple in support of the team!

Oh well. That's life, I suppose. In a way, I'm kind of glad they didn't win. They were getting a bit cocky, and had they won, they would just ride on that arrogance into the next season, and for this young team, it would have impeded the growth they really do need. This is a good wake up call they need to clean up on things. Plus, now they have the fire in their collective belly. They're coming back angry. They were THISCLOSE, and the momentum can't stop there.

Still, I think they could have not lost so badly...all I'm saying.

Jelly Beans & Batteries

Oh, this mouse will vex me forever. Or at least so long as I live in this house.

I've started the process of an overhaul of my room, and I knew to prepare for the worst. Even with this initial step, I'm already discovering the little surprises the mouse left me.

I found yet another cough drop along with a completely empty plastic candy wrapper. The candy is nowhere to be found, and I have no idea what candy that would have been. But the most surprising thing was when I was taking the sheets off my futon to get washed, a strange object was on the mattress.

A half-eaten jelly bean.

At first, I was in a bit of denial, and then I picked it up and inspected it. Yes, it was a nibbled blue sour Jelly Belly jelly bean. More upsetting than anything, I'm pretty sure that packet of jelly beans was actually IN MY PURSE, and to think if that thing actually got in there to take out the packet to nibble on is really upsetting. I would like to half-hope it was a packet I left in my Caboodle (non-sequitur: Firefox English spell check has Caboodle as a word, but not okay and sequitur) for a moment. Either way, I'm not happy it found it.

With a bit more fixing, I found the emptied, partly shredded bag the jelly beans was in along with the bag confetti made from the nibbles.

But the last straw was when I found the batteries.

I thought I had a few extra batteries floating around, and I was happy and sad to have found them. When I found the first one, I was disappointed to see that it corroded, but when I picked it up, I discovered it actually wasn't. IT WAS NIBBLED. Yes, around the seams of the covering of the battery was nipped at, and even though there wasn't much nibbled around, the nibbles created an interesting fray around th base and along the seam of the thing.

And then I found another.

I do not see or smell anything that would make a battery appetizing at all. Maybe its a mouse thing.

In my frustration, the evil thought crossed my mind that it's too bad it didn't nibble enough to get to the creamy center, but that's just mean. Very, very mean. Not to mention, the thought of cleaning up the carcass of a dead mouse that died due to battery acid as well as the leaked battery.

I look forward and dread once I get down and dirty with this cleanup and discover the rest of its little presents it left me.

Kioko

The new addition to our home is so cute, but I feel like I shouldn't get attached.

She's been her for a week tomorrow, and she's been living in the bathroom until my roommate deems her large enough to roam freely about the kitty hazard house. That doesn't mean she stays there all the time - my roommate most often takes her into her room and bed and they hang out and nap together, and I usually nab her a bit in the he morning and before I go to bed when I'm in my room.

She's such a sweetheart. She's afraid of sound, and obviously that's not a good introduction when I came into the bathroom to use/visit her and I had the overhead light that also turns on the exhaust. She's very, very curious, and a little playful. Now when I go to the bathroom, she gets up from her little nest and goes to wherever you are and wants some love. Even when I'm brushing my teeth or using the neti pot, she's perched right near my feet, and she wants to be on my lap when I'm on the toilet. She's also a parrot-kitty, and loves staying on your shoulder. As soon as you step in the bathroom and start petting her, she just revs up the purring.

But she has this cold. It started with little sniffles during the weekend, and it's gotten worse. Before, she would just sneeze a lot, and they'd be juicy little bits that would spray some kitty snot about. In the past few days, however, it's obvious that she's congested - as she tries to breathe through her nose, you can just hear the congestion as she breathes. And she sneezes A LOT. On top of that, her left muzzle doesn't look good, as when my roommate got her, she had black specks all over her face, which my roommate decided to try picking off. Turns out those were scabs, perhaps from scratches from the other kitties. Now that spot looks red and raw. I've also noticed "flea dust" in her rather thick fur (she'll be a fluffy), and I actually saw a flea today, which confirms their presence.

Since I've been missing my roommate since she's working the swing shift again this week, I've sent her emails and notes about my concern for Kioko. She sounded really bad yesterday, where her breathing drowned out her rather loud purring. When I came home last night, I got a note reporting that she isn't getting better, but is eating and drinking, and that I should just change her water and give her lots of love. I could easily do that, but that's not going to make her any better. I wrote back asking her if she should go see a vet. Her reply was that she thinks she should, but doesn't have the money right now, and she and someone else read that something like that should go away in 7-10 days.

Only thing is, she's still small and growing. If this doesn't kill her, it may permanently damage her respiratory system. It also doesn't help that my friend told me the story when she first got one of her cats, he had a cold, which started affecting his eye, and had to have eye gunk put on it.

I don't know. The situation frustrates me. Sure, my roommate had the money to get her and buy her necessities, but she should also be responsible for taking care of her. Maybe she shouldn't have bought new tires for her project car if she knew she was going to have a cat, an added expense, especially since this situation has come up. She isn't like a project car or a camera or something else wrong with the house that could essentially wait to be fixed until the money is there, we're talking about another life she's decided to take care of, of which she can't right now. I'm afraid to think that she thinks that whatever happens happens - if she gets better, that's cool, if not, that would suck and she's out the money she's spent on her already, but maybe this way she could get an all-white cat people have been giving away that she would ideally want.

I offered to lend her money to take her to the vet, but I'm not sure if she'd take it, and even if she did, I'm afraid she may think it's a waste of time, money and effort.

Disneyland on the Mind

I think it's time. There are plenty of external forces that are leading me to think that I MUST go to Disneyland soon. Perhaps it's the fact that this is the second year on a row I haven't been to Disneyland to celebrate my birthday in 10 years, my whole being knows that something is seriously out of whack.

It probably started back in April when I was invited to spend a weekend in Anaheim to celebrate my roommate's friend's birthday in May. She and her husband have Annual Passports, and was going to gather a bunch of people, get a hotel room or two at at a Disney Hotel and go to Disneyland one day, California Adventures the next. What made things easier was the fact that the SoCal Park Hopper special was going on, making things cheaper. I was supposed to go, but as it turned out, my really good friend and her dance company had their company's debut show that weekend, and I was asked to photograph for them. If that wasn't enough, I was even offered an even more discounted Park Hopper pass by someone who couldn't use one during that week. Even though it was a deal, what made it easier for me to turn that offer down is the fact that if I were to get a one day pass to a park, I'd use my Disney Rewards card, so I don't have to spend actual money going (and is the only reason I do wind up going once a year since not renewing my pass last year).

Then on my birthday of all days, I was told that someone who isn't one who fancies Disneyland all that much would go with me. That took me for a loop. That person also knew that talking about going to Disneyland is a very serious matter for me, and isn't something with which to joke around . I was in denial for a good, long time until I was finally convinced it could actually happen.

Last night, I was commenting on the very cute photo collage my roommate's friend (the birthday girl) made of my roommate's and her pictures of that weekend, and my roommate informed me that she was going back to Disneyland this Friday and was pursuading me to go. I told her I couldn't, because I had to do this thing called work that day. She didn't think that was a good enough excuse, and the offer still stands. The main reason why I'm not accepting that invitation is mostly because she's going on a kind of date there, and that's awfully awkward, especially at Disneyland, where rides usually double people up.

Now I'm faced with another offer: chaperone for an all-girls Catholic school's Grad Nite this Thursday. My friend's work is horribly short on chaperones, and I was asked to help. What it would entail is my getting to my friend's work in Anaheim by 9:45pm, count heads in the bus, be there in case something happens, and should something happen, I go and find a teacher to take care of it, and I can even nap in the chaperone lounge until I have to count heads one more time and then go home at 6:15am. I get in the park for free and I'm fed, but I would have to wind up taking work off the next day unless I'm really crazy and try clocking in 4 hours later (hmmm...).

It's awfully tempting. I have to admit, that I haven't totally ruled out going. But there are two major things that are stopping me from saying yes:

-I'd be at Disneyland that's crawling with crazy teenagers.
-When I went to my own Grad Nite 10 years ago, I had my worst Disneyland experience ever.

My Grad Nite wasn't anything traumatizing, but it wasn't fun. It should have been; I even had a "date." But after wearing the wrong dress, the wrong shoes, being stuck in the bus for much too long and separated from most of my friends, I had to shuffle around the park when it was super crowded and there was an overpriced, ultra-limited food selection was gross, and to top it all off, someone stole my friend's and my money when we wanted to get some sours (I was getting for my sister), at the very end of the night, and couldn't get them because it was the last of my money. It wasn't all that fun 10 years ago, I'm not sure what would make it any better now.

...and to think that 2 months after that, I got my first Annual Passport I kept for 8 years.

I've checked my rewards balance, and I do have enough to get me in, and pay for one more person's ticket as well. But I could save that amount for another time should I choose to go Thursday night. It also doesn't help that my friend mentioned she's thinking of working from home on Friday, which would allow us to have lunch should I decide to not go to work on Friday...BUT, there is also a Lakers game that would be happening around the time I'd have to be ready to go and junk...

These are very difficult grown up decisions I'm faced with. Life is no fair.

Some Things Should be Left in the Past

I should have known better.

It may be that time of the month, and the fact that I didn't satisfy my dirty/cheap Mexican food fix last night after drinking, but I had the biggest craving for overfried taquitos today. Or maybe it's the fact that 6 out of 7 days of the week, I'm hankering for Mexican-like food. I had a King Taco bean burrito a week or so ago, and was thinking that I wouldn't mind having another one of those again soon.

But for some reason, and perhaps this is thanks in part of my boss' son's Taco Bell obsession that I was kind of jonesing for a Taco Bell bean burrito today. Thinking I had to descend down the hill on an errand, I decided that I would get me some sort of "Mexican food," and after talking to my boss' housekeeper, I decided that maybe, it's time to revisit my old staple, the Taco Bell bean burrito, no onions, add sour cream.

I was told that the nearest TB is next to the Ralphs. The thing is, there are two on opposite sides of Ventura Blvd. from here, and I failed to ask which one it was next to, so of course, I went to the wrong one first, then had to backtrack.

I knew I should have turned around and stuck to my can of beans, because I started thinking that this would be a new Taco Bell I'm going to...I don't know how they prepare their burritos...for all I know, they'd be horrible at it. Then again, that's how I've had some pretty good bean burritos in the past from random TB locations. Throwing caution into the air, I continued on with my journey.

I guess Taco Bell also has their own "Value Menu." Funny, because in the past, everything on the menu was of "Value." I guess back then, they didn't have burritos the size of your thigh that basically had your daily suggested sodium intake, so things are a bit pricier now, but I was amused to find the bean burrito as part of said menu, but at $0.99. This price was always the price for the "more expensive" Taco Bells, but I guess it's the same price everywhere now, bummer. Still, I ordered my standard, times two, because I thought I was hungry.

On my way back, I still had my lingering doubts about eating them, and even wanted to check my receipt to make sure the lady who took my order got it down right, as if I was finding any excuse to not eat them, or something. When I was doing that, I felt the burritos and found them to be piping room temperature...ooh, not good at all.

Once I got back, I settled in and opened the first, already cold burrito.

It was everything I expected it to be: Yuck.

And then what did I do? Finish that one and ate the other one. Why? Because I was hungry and didn't want to waste it.

Now I feel like lots of yuck.

I should have gone for my other option to go into Ralphs and buy a El Monterey 10 burrito frozen brick, and that could have done me much better. Still, I'm sad that the Taco Bell bean burrito no longer hits the spot for me, as if that's a part of me that's now completely dead to me, which is perhaps a symbolic correlative to what I associate going to Taco Bell.

So...I guess that's the end of that.

She Loves Me...but is She IN Love with Me?

Where I live, health care is not a human right.

Yesterday I found out that the short-term medical insurance policy I was signed up for was terminated a few days ago. That's a bummer. And it's even more of a bummer that one of the many, many reasons to be denied medical coverage is because one has asthma and actually uses an inhaler to treat it when I do get it.

I've been looking into my options, and things look pretty bleak. Even with the plans that are affordable/comprehensive enough, one prescription I currently take are not covered. Thankfully, there are ways around that, and there are resources that I can utilize. Still, it's pretty sad to think that in order to take care of one's self, there are many, many hoops through which one must jump through. Just make sure that you don't injure yourself while jumping through them - that's going to be a very, very expensive fix.

It almost seems like this is all a sign for me to maybe take up my roommate's offer to marry her, because I'd be pretty much set with medical care, should I need something (like pay nothing for generic drug prescriptions).

Bah. In the meantime, I'll have to cancel all my plans for participating in the running with scissors marathon, as well as the Memorial Day Adrenaline Sport Tour down in TJ. It's just not worth the risk of getting hurt.

Maybe it's Time to Skip Town...*

...as in, the country.

This is the second time in a year I've been denied medical coverage.

I'm currently on a short-term plan, the monthly rate is decent, but it's kind of expensive if I want to do things such as take medications or see my doctor. I've just finished applying on appeal, and I called in today to find out that I was denied (again), and the decision was made today (I called at 1pm or so).

It kind of sucks. Even worse, the woman couldn't tell me why I was declined, and I just have to wait until the decline letters are sent to me in the mail, which they sent off today. I can appeal again, but that will take some time.

In the meantime, I'm overdue with some appointments, and I have meds that I need refilling that can't be done until I go in for a checkup. Even more concerning is that there is a slight possibility I may have something that may be not good in the future, and it needs to be monitored...my not having good insurance will kind of prevent that from happening.

Perhaps I finally need to make good with the promise to myself that if Bush gets re-elected, I'd move to Canada or Germany (even though he's out of office in a few months). Maybe I need a change of pace, anyway. I like British Columbia, and I'm sure I can pick up French pretty well. Maybe I'll head to England...

Or I can just stay here and file for a domestic partnership with my roommate. She's got THE BEST coverage through her union. They cover practically everything, and generic drugs are free! She's been trying to tell me that we should do it, and I tell her that maybe we should! Only, she's actually serious about it, and I'm not really.

...It shouldn't be hard to find some aspiring actor who happens to be Canadian and is having Visa issues, right? Maybe I need to make a gay, Canadian best friend who has found the love of his life but can't find a way to stay here and needs a gal to pretend he's in love with and get married so we can milk a dual citizenship.

Or I should just move there. Life would be fun...if I happen to be bored one day, I can just go to the doctor's and just some test done, like get my wrist x-rayed just to see how hairline fractured my wrist still is and junk...


*But I really need to leave this place, the sooner the better. I was thinking it would be great to leave as soon as my birthday weekend, but it seems that others have events that I guess I should be nice and attend...

I Should Know Better

I was actually typing up an entry I started yesterday afternoon in Word, as to make it appear as though I'm busy working on something. Things are slow right now, so I have little to nothing to do. I figured, I might as well write something, since I have the time.

Which is very tough to do when you work in an office of two, and your boss was on the phone right next to you looking over your shoulder. I saw her looking in my direction, and I didn't want to stop, otherwise that would be very suspicious looking. When she got off the phone, she asked what I was working on.

I didn't know what to say. Since we don't have anything to do right now, there really is no justifiable reason why I should be typing anything. Eventually after totally losing it with nowhere to take it, the phone rang, which bought me more time to come up with writing up something about developing a more cohesive volunteer program. In fact, I've been wanting to do it for some time now, and what I told her was the truth; I have been talking to my friend who works with volunteers so that we can perhaps develop a program where we have a reliable pool of volunteers who can help us out for shows as well as when we're busy in the office and need an extra hand, etc.

I hate downtime.

Maybe I'll post the actual entry later. She's not in right now, so I have a bit of time.

Running on Empty

So not cool.

Had soup for breakfast: Veggie broth, egg drop and a whole mess of spinach, and after that, I had a can of Pepsi that I found in my car when I was helping load our frame/set from the show into our storage unit on the Westside, and when I returned here, worked a bit and realized I needed food, so I went for my meal of beans and an apple, only to find that I was without the can of beans. So I had apple and now I'm feeling a bit loopy. Theoretically, I can try to snag a bite of food the housekeeper prepared for dinner here, but they're having guests over, and that's not cool.

I may leave soon to now...drive home, make my roommate drive us to dinner, where we plan on having hot wings and baseball game for the night.

I'm also getting very itchy with my photographic resources as of late. It just takes a tiny crack to break the dam, and that has definitely happened. With the looming job of shooting my friends for their company's first proper production, I'm starting to get myself in the habit of taking pictures again, but it's a bit frustrating to know I'm very limited in what I can do right now. The cheapest and easiest way to get things done is to shoot 35mm C41 and get the film processed and scanned at a place like Target next day. But it's inevitable I'm going to start shooting in proper black and white again, and more importantly, in 120mm. That means more money and not-so convenient access to services.

Even more exciting/frustrating is the fact that opportunities to scratch this photographic itch is all of a sudden coming my way, and I have plenty of ideas and concepts I'd love to execute and submit...only, I envision these things to happen in black and white, on 120 film. Not only that, I'd want to go in the darkroom myself and go through the painstaking process of printing, so I can scan it and send it off. Yes, I can just get the negative scanned and do the Photoshop digital darkroom, but I'm not very good at photo manipulation digitally as I am the old-fashioned way. Plus, it would be sooooooooo satisfying for me to do that again.

I just have to accept the fact I'm going to have to shell out the money to rent time in a darkroom (thankfully there is one close to my house), because all the classes I'd consider taking just to use a darkroom won't start soon enough or are too far away. Of course, I could always buck up and figure out how to convert my bathroom to become a after-hours darkroom, but that will take up a lot of time and logistics and money, all of which I don't have much of right now, especially if I want to whip something up as soon as a few weeks from today and next month.

At the very least, all this frustration and opportunities are firing me up. Things are slowly getting set into place. I'm pretty sure that I'm going to make some of these things happen.

And You Think it's The End...

Before I forget this topic altogether, I will try to write this entry before passing out from the lack of food all day and the fact I should get up and actually visit friends, but I should have known better than to think I was done dealing with the mouse when it left the house, but nooooooooooooooooooo...

Right after I posted my "Quickie" entry running late and naked, I made an effort to wear clothes that weren't on the top of the pile for once and show I have a pretty large wardrobe despite the fact I never wear most of it. While I was rummaging/fixing, I happened upon this bag of Halls lozenges that have been next to my laundry hamper. I noticed it had a sizeable mouse-nibbled hole in it, and all of the lozenges were gone. I thought to myself, "Damn. What a dum-dum. It wouldn't want to eat those things, even if they contained honey!"

And I was right. I was soooo right.

As I dug deeper into the hamper, I heard this funny crinkle sound from the back of the hamper. Curious to learn what it was, I peered in the back to see the piece of plastic that was making the sound, as well as about two dozen Halls cough drops sans wrapper strewn in the little corridor between the base of the hamper and the wall. The little booger nibbled off all the wrappers and left the lozenges there! I was slightly miffed, thinking that I was out that bag that had a lot more drops than I thought, and that even though I was running late, I needed to clean the mess of lozenges and wrapper crumbs back there.

It makes me wonder what little other surprises I will find in the future...It will be interesting to know what my Easter mouse has left for my Easter eggs...

Maybe I'm the Mouse...

I've seriously had it with this mouse.

Since my last entry on the matter, I've had a glass mug propped up with a nickel, then a penny to get this little bugger in my grasp. Turns out the mug is far too heavy for the teeny baby mouse to move the thing and trigger the coin to fall.

So, I've decided to pull the one string I had and picked up one of these from someone that responded to a Freecycle ad I posted:



I've got the big guns. This was given to me by a very big animal lover and after talking about things, was already trying to convert me to become a vegetarian. Before I get too much into that, we discussed strategies on how to get the mouse into this cold trap, like putting the peanut butter bait on a napkin atop the bait area to act as a ramp for it as well as a cover.

I did just that as I got home. I took all the peanut butter I had stuck on the failed mug trap and plopped it on a piece of napkin, left a little peanut on one end of the napkin ramp and easily set the trap after spending a good amount of time figuring it out (even though I did do that with the woman who gave it to me, but it didn't seem like that was the proper way). I went to bed thinking that I'd have a mouse in the trap by the morning, because up until now, I've been re-baiting traps and I've basically been feeding the thing. Now she would be MINE.

After being woken up by my roommate's leaving first thing in the morning, I got up to check the trap.

THE NAPKIN OF PEANUT BUTTER WAS COMPLETELY GONE.

I see NO trace of the napkin, which was a 2 ply swatch that probably had a 10 square in area. I would think the thing dragged the little motherload away somewhere, but I really can't see where/ how it could have been taken away anywhere that far (it's in my room). Maybe it ate its own volume in peanut butter and took the napkin with it to better cushion its fat little nest, as it awaits for its next feast. I can't believe it's evaded me again, and I'm still completely baffled as to where it is. I really hope that I don't find a peanut buttered napkin bit amongst my clothes. I'd be seriously grossed out with that.

I've had it. This little thing is too clever. What is this mouse? Did it escape from some laboratory where it's some kind of human-smart mouse baby made to irritate clueless girls who live in squalor? Maybe I'm the mouse and a mouse and I've developed some sort of schizophrenia and I eat the peanut butter when I sleep, and get trapped in shoebox traps and nibble my way out when I'm at work? What would it even mean to create a split personality of a baby mouse? Does that mean I'm lonely or just plain crazy?

I now have no napkin to "soften the blow." I have two small gobs of peanut butter in the middle of the bait tray, and I made sure the trigger is pretty sensitive. My biggest concern is the fact that it's a teeny thing and it won't even have the weight to trigger that already sensitive switch. But I've seriously had it with this mouse. I'm almost afraid that if this method doesn't work, I may just settle for a kill trap...

...okay not really, but I'm seriously tired of this mouse.