Lazy.

Whenever I read or talk about the life and accomplishments of great people like Isadora Duncan, I always feel like the laziest person who hasn't done anything worth my salt in my sad, short life.

I better get crackin'...I'll be hitting 30 with nothing to show for it.

I Quit My Job.

I'm out!

My two weeks are already ticking away, and I don't have a permanent job lined up. Scary? Yes. Sane? I hope this move will be.

Perhaps the more concerning part of this move is the fact that I have this trip to Germany in practically a month, which will make it difficult for me to find another within this time frame as well as trying to finance it with not a guaranteed source of income in sight.

...I have been asked if I would consider working part time after my two weeks is up (November), which I may do, but I've also signed up at a temp agency and may be able to get some work in that way.

Either way, I am completely burned out on all this job searching that I've been doing for the past several months, and I'm in this strange place where I'm either semi-desperate to apply for a job or very, very picky on minute details of the job description. At the very least, I've broadened my job search to include positions where I'd be very happy doing, rather than just applying for the jobs I know I could do. It's too bad my main passions are pretty competitive and/or not well-paying. Bummer.

If I had my way, I'd be able to support myself and my current bum of a lifestyle (like scrounging up for Germany) taking pictures, writing a bunch of junk, and feeding miniature donkeys as my bread and butter.

PS - If anyone knows anyone or any place that's hiring, particularly if they're okay with me being gone for 5 official workdays next month, drop me a line.

20/20

I once told my first boss of my first real job that I'll stay working with him so long as I'm not creatively inhibited. I lasted there for 20 months, even though I felt like I already learned everything that I could learn even before my probationary period was over. Part of the reason why I stayed there that long is because with that job, I was able to pay off all remaining debts I had from college then immediately take a 14 day trip backpacking around Europe, managed to train to run a marathon in New Orleans and raise $3,000 to help support AIDS Project Los Angeles, save up for when I quit I had well over $10k saved up, and still was able to buy a camera or two and take a few photo classes in the process, while doing shoots for friends and for myself. As soon as I quit, I skipped town for the Big Apple, where I did two photo shoots while there and then came home to take a photo class or two before I was tied down to my next full-time commitments.

It was for the most part, a good time in my life.

Financially, that was a very bell-curved time, and as I look back, the times when I was at my peak in saving more money than I ever fathomed I could ever save, was the time I was most miserable.

I don't think I was ever destined to have much money in the bank.

That's not to say that I have a lot right now, but I have more money than I've had in the past year, and even though I could have more if I were a little smarter with my money, my most recent big expenditures have been for things that have/will make me very happy.

I hate thinking about money. I simply hate it. I guess it's a necessary evil, but I was much happier two years ago when I barely had any, but I had a lot more free time on my hands and was doing things I wanted to do.

I'm not doing much of what I want to do right now...writing more, taking more pictures, at least coming up with ideas for fun picture-taking opportunities, and this past Friday when I got to see some old friends jam at a small coffee house in Long Beach, I realized how much I miss performing and just monkeying around with some brilliantly musical people and shoot the musical shit, listening to others try to get their collective talents to possibly play an entire song, and be happy with the few occasions when I'd somehow contribute. I miss talking shop with those folks about the little nuances about songs and lyrics, and trying to figure out harmonies and chords together. I know some really big music nerds, and though I have been spending time with some pretty musically sharp people, it's been some time that I've spent time with people who are just always willing to pick up an instrument and jam.

It's rather sad that in 4 short years, I've lost track with what was the most important thing for me - for I've been living through this desert void of little, if any bits of creativity for the past two years. I miss the sleepless nights when my mind could not rest as some idea for a project stews in my brain, or the frustration I sometimes have after burning the creative candle out (as strange as it is to explain). I miss pulling my hair out when something is not working out the way I wanted it, and even though I really don't, I do kind of miss having to be careful of my clothing as I've ruined several good shirts with fixer from the wet darkroom. I miss writing non-pathetic and sad blog entries, and I oftentimes feel something bubbling inside that needs to be written out, but every time I try to get it out, I lose steam too quickly. I don't even know the last I actually played the guitar, and I've forgotten how to play chords.

I have to do a better job trying to balance things in my life - I need to find a way where I can be a responsible, money-making (and saving) adult who needs to pay for things like a car and rent, but still be able to creatively express myself. I've been able to satisfy one for the most part, but I think the other that I've completely neglected is something more important to have in my life than I ever thought (denial, perhaps?), that it's made me into this person that I don't think I really am (miserable).

I need a new game plan.

All the Best Laid-Out Plans...

I've been working at the library for the past two hours determined to work on things that I couldn't at home because I get too easily distracted, and even though I have accomplised some of what I wanted to get done, I've mostly accomplished identifying songs that I could feasibly sing with the friends I haven't seen in forever if/when I decide to sing with them at a throwback 50's diner/bar in Long Beach.

Now I just have to see if I can convince them to learn some of these songs.

Well I Guess That's Why They Call It the Blues

It's even more basic than usual; it seems that I've grown accustomed to making these pictures with my touch pad on my laptop. Making images with a mouse doesn't seem to cut it anymore.

Roommate Weekend!

This weekend shaped out to be a Me + Roommate weekend, as we got to hang out and do fun fun stuff this weekend. It's been a long time since we've actually hung out, so it was fun to have this time for us.

After spending a good deal of Saturday running around the SGV running errands (and fitting a few rounds of Mario Kart in), I grabbed some cupcakes, we got some Chinese takeout and headed for the Hollywood Bowl where we saw MGMT (YAY!) Spoon (Awesome!) and BECK (OH YEAH!), with Beck playing a good deal of his set with the LA Philharmonic strings, conducted by David Campbell.

I had almost forgotten about this concert completely, and when I did, I wasn't sure if I was still going to go. I had bought the pair of tickets back in May at some cafe during the show's presale for my roommate's birthday, which was 5 days prior to the show. Even cooler was the fact that I really had no grand scheme to get the best seats (I'm not rolling in that kind of cheese), but wound up in the "Super Seats," which are actual plastic seats with armrests and drink holders instead of benches. Since they were my roommate's tickets, she could have taken anyone she wanted, I'll say that I'm very happy that she took me (about which I'm sure she gave no second thought).

The show was pretty awesome. The lineup was amazing, and I was very excited to see MGMT and Spoon, and I realized last night this was my third time seeing Beck live (#1 was Coachella 2004, #2 was the first Detour Festival 2006). It was an awesome set, kicking things off with "Loser," then launched into the newer stuff from his latest album.

Even cooler was that for this show (including during the Spoon set), I noticed they were using this swirl effect around the layers of the Bowl, which I've never seen before. Beck's set took full advantage of this effect as such:

I'm a big enough nerd that I was very happy to find a free program that can batch resize images, and then at the show I remembered my camera has a continuous shooting mode that shoots 2.5 frames per second. All this paired with my recent discovery that you can make animated images on Photoshop made for a nice little geekfest of making animated GIFs.

As cool as that may look, it doesn't do the night justice, as these sights were accompanied by some awesome sounds, and I'm sure there's some way to capture sound on my camera, but I like to use my camera to take pictures...sorry.

You can see more images from the evening, including more swirly stage animations and cupcakes in my Flickr set

After waking up too early today because I failed to turn off my alarm, I lazed about, did some laundry, and headed for Chavez Ravine to see the Dodgers play the Giants as part of Fan Appreciation Week. Roomie got the tickets for free thanks to BoA, but we didn't partake in the special tickets that offered free drinks to fans. Oh well. Our seats weren't too bad, (Reserved first base side within foul ball territory) and we later learned it was also Deaf Appreciation Day, which was sponsored by some company that had reps as ASL interpreters at various stations where they would accompany the hearing impaired fans when they were ordering at the refreshment stands. I thought that was really cool.

It was a fun game, and a great one, too, with both teams staying even on hits, but remained scoreless up until the 11th inning when the day's theme of bad calls and a few missed balls by the Dodgers gave the Giants a run for them to win the game. What sucked was that the Giants deliberately walked Manny twice. BOO.



You can see more pics from the game here.

...and of course, there's always more room for kitty love:


I haven't been spending much time here for the past week or so (I was sidelined last weekend and happened to be in M-town), and I have to say there is some sense of comfort in being here. Still, I went to bed last night with a blanket over my window to act as some sort of privacy screen, for though It's been some time since the more recent incident inside the house and even further from the first incident, I still felt uncomfortable, since the last time I went to the Hollywood Bowl with my roommate, I was left home alone and in my room to have a peeping Tom make his way atop our basement doors to peek into my room. Not to say that I expect such a thing to happen every time we go, but something felt unsettling to me, and I felt like I needed to do that.

Either way, this weekend has been really fun and I'm so glad I had this time here and with my roommate and with the cats. It's truly been a very long time since we've done anything like this, and it's something that I miss that I wasn't fully aware of until now.

-_-

I should really lay off the coffee.

Things are slow right now, and the caffeine is hyping me up. I'm so restless.

It's the combination with not much to do and the caffeine coursing through my veins that make me think it's during times like this I almost reach the point of boredom.

Maybe I'm just misinterpreting things.

Maybe the Large, 6:00 Matcha Iced Tea was a Bad Idea

I can't sleep.

Maybe I should have had dinner.

But I'm awake still.

It doesn't help that I have a lot on my mind as well, but I'm sure that paired with the caffeine is a frustrating combination, because I really do want to sleep.

I'd like to recount my day since I was able to skip work today after a seminar and I hung out with my Adventure Buddy around Torrance/Gardena all day and had fun with Japanese things. I think I will, and provide some photographic findings of randomness, but I really don't have the motivation to monkey around with coding and writing about ham and cheese flavored potato chips right now. I will hopefully be able to do that soon.

If anything, let me tell you about this product called Eye Talk, which is basically eyelid glue to create folds on your eyelids if you don't have any. I never knew this thing existed until today:



So, if you have no eye folds and don't want to go through the Asian eyelid surgery, you can just pull a Cinderella and do it for a day (and then some).

Pair it with extra-wide contact lenses complete with pupil widening, and you've got yourself a live-action anime character!



KAWAIIIIIIIII DESU.....no?

Okay, I'm going to try to sleep again.

Green Rage (#3)

Contrary to what you may think what the Green Rage may mean, I actually mean something else. If you were thinking I'm employing some kind of association with a jealous rage, but this entry is a lot more boring than that (though I must admit to the fact that I do have bouts of jealousy here and there).

I'm talking more along the lines of the third in the 7 Things You may not Know about Me.

I try very hard to suppress how pretty adamant I am about being environmentally sound.

I think I'm at my worst is when I personally think I'm failing in the cause.

Don't get me wrong...I think I'm doing a decent job, but if I had my way, I'd be drinking water out of a PBA-free water bottle I'd take with me everywhere so I can put my drinks in there, along with reusable utensils and eating surfaces, particularly ones that can store food should I have any leftovers (because I do not like throwing away food, either). Yes, I do think when I go out to eat, if I know I'm taking something home, I do consider taking my own Tupperware with me.

Sure, recycling is good, but it takes a lot of energy consumption in order to re-process something. Reusing is better, with a particular emphasis towards upcycling, which is most often miscategorized as "recycling." Of course, the best thing is to reduce, which means trying to consume a little less.

I could get more detailed about it, but I don't know...I find it rather strange or crazy myself. I suppose, trying to save the earth is not such a crazy thing, but maybe I'm just a little shy about trying to tell people to try doing better, especially when I can't fare so well myself.

Here's another example:

At my first real job, doing the whole Office Space way of life, I had a collection of different kinds of cups and bottles behind my computer monitor. I did have my UCLA Library mug, which I used for coffee and tea, but I also had a bunch of other cups, used for various things at various times. The reason they were all there is because I had used them at one point or another, and kept them knowing full well that the things had another use or to out of them before they had to be thrown away completely. Unfortunately, I did have to throw some away from time to time, because the collection would be on the brink of getting out of control, but I thought it was good trying to delay the inevitable for even a little bit.

Okay, that's it. I could go on forever. If you're ever face-to-face with me, you could bring up the subject, and I could go on and on about how I sometimes obsess over trying to reuse or recycle a myriad of things, how giddy I get when I get a frozen dinner and see that most of those plastic trays are now made of more commonly recyclable plastics (check with your city's standards to see which plastics they recycle - not every city can process all plastics).

You can also double check with your city if it recycles styrofoam. Yes, it's a little friendlier now, but oftentimes, the process needed to recycle the stuff is still pretty gnarly, so trying to reduce is key.

Okay! I'm going to STOP!

Time-Honored Traditions

#2 of Thing You May Not Know About Me:

I really like the Olympics.

And it especially broke my heart that I missed out on a great deal of the last one, when it was in GREECE!

I suppose it doesn't take one big stretch of the imagination to figure out I would, for I'm a big Classics fiend and I do like watching me some sports. In particular, I love watching Swimming, Track & Field, Gymnastics, and if I can catch it, Soccer. Weightlifting is pretty interesting to watch, too...oh, who am I kidding? I love the Olympics, and I thought it was the greatest thing that my uncle had a satellite dish back in '92 and had the Olympic Channel that had events 24/7, whether it was live or not, I love it that much. It even got me inspired to actually challenge my physically-induced asthmatic self to train and run a marathon during the last go around.

Although I'm throwing in the bedtime towel at this time, I do have several thoughts about my expectations for this Olympics and my thoughts on the Opening Ceremony. The Ceremony was pretty, and it got me really excited for the next 16 days (here's hoping I can actually follow it this time around), though I have a lot of mixed feelings about it with all the political strife going on in the world, with the Koreas, Iraq, Iran, China (obviously), Sudan, and most recently, Russia and Georgia.

The official Olympic song is in Greek, I say that maybe make like the Ancients and put a halt to fighting during this time of peace.

BLAH

I feel so gross and yucky right now. I woke up with a pretty gnarly headache, and my body's all achy.

When I was younger and had yet to experience more of life, I would read the blogs of friends and others and witness them celebrate things that I otherwise wouldn't think to celebrate. I mean, I understood they were happy about such a human, everyday occurrence, but never to the lengths of announcing it on a blog and thanking the heavens for it.

I may be the age these friends were when I first read their blogs now, and I have to say...

HOORAY!

In other news, there's another man in my life. Actually, he's just a boy, but he's a sweetie all the same. He's on my bed right now as I type this, and he's totally looking for some love. His name is Colin. He's got these big, bright yellow green eyes, and he's such a lover. He's white, but he's got a little black on him in little spots. He's got this cute little pink nose and loves purring. But his claws are looong and SHARP, and he gets them stuck in places, including my skin, when he's kneading.

As lovely as he is, it makes me miss my baby a little more.

I Saw what Could Have Been

This is a summary of my week:

WORK: workworkworkworkworkworkrkrkworkworkwowo - Yes, it's been so crazy that compounds and overlaps upon itself

HOME: workworkworkworkwork *nap with kitty* workworkworkworkwork - I've been concentrating on my own personal project, it's madness, except for kitty naps time.

SOCIAL LIFE: workworkwork - ?!??! Yes, I go to friend's work to wait until work is done, and in the meantime, possibly do what I need to do for HOME. Instead, my input is needed, and I wind up reviewing a proof for a very important brochure my friend's been working on. So I do copy and layout notes for the whole time there.

Funny thing is, had things unfolded differently in the recent past, I would have been doing that exact thing around this time, except I'd be getting paid for it. It's a bit crazy to think that the brochure I was editing probably would have been created by me, as I would have been in charge of planning the whole retreat.

My friend is going crazy having to deal with all of it, and I feel badly, thinking that I would have helped prevented a lot of crazy-making if I was around to help out, and I would have been more than happy to do it. Not to mention, I really wouldn't have minded spending a week in Edinburgh.

I Should Have Known Better

The Lakers lost, and they lost BIG TIME.

I really should have known better that the techniques I was using to help the Lakers win don't necessarily apply to the Finals. For the entire Playoff season, it seemed very effective for me to fall asleep on my parent's couch while watching the Lakers game, and they would win. That's not to say that they didn't win when I did this, for there were some games I missed, but when I was there and they seemed to be losing, I'd doze off and they'd recover.

This wasn't the case with Boston. I should have noticed the difference, after game one when I was at my parent's and they lost. I forgot where I was game two. Game three I was watching at the base of my friend's bed and dozed off for a bit and they won! Game 4, I made the harrowing 1+ hour trek to M-Town only to fall asleep to the pathetic game I didn't watch most of. Game 5 I watched at the loveseat of my friends and dozed off and they won, and Game 6 I made another 1+ hour trip to M-town (bad accident this time), crashed pretty hard unintentionally, and woke up to see them losing by FORTY PLUS. BAH. I even wore purple in support of the team!

Oh well. That's life, I suppose. In a way, I'm kind of glad they didn't win. They were getting a bit cocky, and had they won, they would just ride on that arrogance into the next season, and for this young team, it would have impeded the growth they really do need. This is a good wake up call they need to clean up on things. Plus, now they have the fire in their collective belly. They're coming back angry. They were THISCLOSE, and the momentum can't stop there.

Still, I think they could have not lost so badly...all I'm saying.

Some Things Should be Left in the Past

I should have known better.

It may be that time of the month, and the fact that I didn't satisfy my dirty/cheap Mexican food fix last night after drinking, but I had the biggest craving for overfried taquitos today. Or maybe it's the fact that 6 out of 7 days of the week, I'm hankering for Mexican-like food. I had a King Taco bean burrito a week or so ago, and was thinking that I wouldn't mind having another one of those again soon.

But for some reason, and perhaps this is thanks in part of my boss' son's Taco Bell obsession that I was kind of jonesing for a Taco Bell bean burrito today. Thinking I had to descend down the hill on an errand, I decided that I would get me some sort of "Mexican food," and after talking to my boss' housekeeper, I decided that maybe, it's time to revisit my old staple, the Taco Bell bean burrito, no onions, add sour cream.

I was told that the nearest TB is next to the Ralphs. The thing is, there are two on opposite sides of Ventura Blvd. from here, and I failed to ask which one it was next to, so of course, I went to the wrong one first, then had to backtrack.

I knew I should have turned around and stuck to my can of beans, because I started thinking that this would be a new Taco Bell I'm going to...I don't know how they prepare their burritos...for all I know, they'd be horrible at it. Then again, that's how I've had some pretty good bean burritos in the past from random TB locations. Throwing caution into the air, I continued on with my journey.

I guess Taco Bell also has their own "Value Menu." Funny, because in the past, everything on the menu was of "Value." I guess back then, they didn't have burritos the size of your thigh that basically had your daily suggested sodium intake, so things are a bit pricier now, but I was amused to find the bean burrito as part of said menu, but at $0.99. This price was always the price for the "more expensive" Taco Bells, but I guess it's the same price everywhere now, bummer. Still, I ordered my standard, times two, because I thought I was hungry.

On my way back, I still had my lingering doubts about eating them, and even wanted to check my receipt to make sure the lady who took my order got it down right, as if I was finding any excuse to not eat them, or something. When I was doing that, I felt the burritos and found them to be piping room temperature...ooh, not good at all.

Once I got back, I settled in and opened the first, already cold burrito.

It was everything I expected it to be: Yuck.

And then what did I do? Finish that one and ate the other one. Why? Because I was hungry and didn't want to waste it.

Now I feel like lots of yuck.

I should have gone for my other option to go into Ralphs and buy a El Monterey 10 burrito frozen brick, and that could have done me much better. Still, I'm sad that the Taco Bell bean burrito no longer hits the spot for me, as if that's a part of me that's now completely dead to me, which is perhaps a symbolic correlative to what I associate going to Taco Bell.

So...I guess that's the end of that.

Immer Gruener

I had a very special lunch packed for me. It contained two small quesadillas (which I had for breakfast), two quarter pieces of BBQ con on the cob, a Louisiana hot link on a bun, a bag of edamame, and four Trader Joe's Cookies with Perks (though that was a serious letdown: the "perks" were espresso and dark chocolate. Okay, it certainly is "perky," but I was hoping for something more along the lines of Medical Insurance/Dental, maybe 401k matching). I decided to have the hot link and both corn pieces for lunch today, and when I went to the kitchen to eat my yummy meal, I saw that my boss' housekeeper made herself some basic Maruchan chicken flavored ramen, and she added Choulula and lemon juice.

I instantly became jealous. That's not to say that I didn't enjoy my meal, because I did...A LOT, but man, some ramen looked mighty good right then.

Then again, I can't complain, because my meal was packed in this little number:

Still, you know how the saying goes...

Speaking of which, it's pretty nice being on this side, rather than that side anymore. Outlook seems brighter, I feel freer (it doesn't help that I'm wearing a skirt today), and I have hopes that I can actually sleep well again. I feel like a gigantic burden was removed from my back (because one basically has). I can't wait for Wednesday/Thursday, and I'm super anxious to see if things turned out okay.

(Not so) Wide World of (LA) Sports

Amidst all the things I've had to do this week (actually, there was only one thing I had to do this week, and never really got the chance to do it, but it didn't mean I wasn't there trying...all week), I was pretty sad that I'd be missing out on what's been going on with the teams that I care about.

I was able to catch a glimpse of the Dodgers/Milwaukee game on Tuesday, but at that time, things were looking bleak for the boys in blue, and I couldn't really pay attention, for it was better I paid better attention to the company I was keeping since I didn't know when I'd see them next. Except my roommate, who was watching the game.

More importantly, I missed the Lakers game on Wednesday. I knew they were going to win, since they were coming home and they must have gotten fired up enough after losing two games in a row to not give the Jazz the lead.

But yesterday was a tough one for me. Not only was it the very important game 6 for the Lakers-Jazz series, where a Lakers victory would put them in the semi-fimals, but it was also the first game of the freeway series for the Dodgers and Angels. I really wanted to go to one game from the freeway series this year, since I never have, and cheer my Dodgers on to victory while at the same time continue to heckle Brett Tomko, who is now on the Angels and it's a little more justifiable to give him a hard time.

I really wanted to set my "free day" from the show for Friday, but after telling some friends about the show (whose opening night went great, though mistakes were made as only the ones who made the show could notice), one actually expressed interest and wanted to go on Friday, and I wasn't about to go on a separate night, particularly since I haven't seen her in months. Thank most things male for fiancees and boyfriends, who even though were wrangled lovingly and willingly volunteered for the show, got score updates on their phones. I got to find out that the Cavs won to push the series to game 7 (go Ohio!) and that Lakers were leading by almost 20 at the half.

I was excited to hear that news as we were leaving the reception, and had I been more coherent, I would have made my friend come with me to the brewery down the street just to see the rest of the game. But instead, I just drove us back to my place, where she went straight home after her really rough day (woke too early at 9am still drunk from the night before, called me at the beach about an hour later, and went into work at 2, colored some tiles and got off work early at 6 to make the show). I could have driven back to some bar or walked down the street where they may have had the game, but I did the same thing I've done every night upon going home: passed out in my clothes with the lights on.

I'm sad to see that the Dodgers have lost three of the last 5 games they've played, and that they lost their first game against the Angeles. I think I need to make arrangements to that I can watch game two today in an appropriate setting.

Wheeling and Dealing

It's rather inconvenient that I'm driving A LOT throughout the week while gasoline is at its highest ever. But I find myself driving everywhere nowadays - sometimes I don't mind it, but oftentimes it's a total bear. But living in Los Angeles it's pretty inevitable, especially since I live in (North)East LA, work in the Valley adjacent, have parents in the East San Gabriel Valley, and have friends scattered all about the place. And then there are the things I need to do for work, and for fun, and for it's kind of like work but I do it because I like it too.

Today was rather hectic. I had to meet up with our projectionist who was going to pick up the last part of our set from our show from the venue (we just found out A LOT of our stuff was left there, which was embarrassing for the company), but before that, I had to stick around the office interview a potential intern for the summer. Knowing that I had some time on my side and the fact there was an accident on my regular route to the storage unit since our projectionist was in that traffic, I took a side street down, which worked out for the best because it allowed me to make phone calls I otherwise wouldn't be able to make if I was just at work.

The first call went to my friend who's going to school in Hawaii but is home for the time being. She's been here for two weeks, but haven't spent an earnest amount of time together. We talked about the possibility of hanging out today, provided I'm able to run the errand I needed to before the store I needed to go to closed. After I got the projectionist's 20, I knew I had some time on my hands and a dying battery, so instead of continuing to burn petrol while charging my phone that was dying, I parked myself in a structure as my phone charged, so I'd be able to call my friend about logistics for shooting their tech and dress rehearsals for the next two days. Then it was back to work, and when I failed to make it out of work on time, I still tried making it to the camera store, only to arrive there just as they were turning people away.

That was definitely a bummer, since I burned 12 miles of gas for naught, but in that time, I was able to solidify possible plans to hang out tonight with Hawaii friend, and then I decided to opt for street driving instead of freeway, thinking it would probably be less stressful for me, and it would be much more scenic and enjoyable, as I had the sunset at my back, casting a nice, golden light around me and the jacaranda trees are in full bloom around the city right now.

As much as I'd rather not talk on the phone when I drive, it's like the only real time I can talk to people. I don't get reception at work, and I'm also at work, so I can't do much of that then, and there are very few days out of the week recently where I didn't have someplace to go after work. On those days that I do get to go home, I either get the chance to hang out with my roommate, or I take advantage of the fact that I have time for myself and do nothing.

Life for me right now is definitely a blessing and a curse. I'm rather happy that I'm keeping myself busy with things, and most, if not all of these things are productive and good for me (hanging out with friends/family, taking pictures, seeing things, etc.) but it's starting to infringe on personal time for myself. On the other hand, the doing things alone tends to get old rather quick for me, or I'm just used to doing things with others, I'm not fully able to enjoy myself that way (not that way).

I don't write as much as I'd like; there are so many topics and recollections I'd love to document, and places to review. I don't know how many books I'd love to read right now and perhaps get some inspiration from them. I've got this blanket I'm making, and after that I plan on making a unicorn for the roommate. Then there's taking pictures for myself, which includes my desire to submit to a zine my friend is putting together with a deadline fast approaching, and all I have right now is a good idea but no time, resources, and subjects to execute it. What happened to that 29 day giving challenge? Oh, and I really do want to do that ticket thing.

More than anything, I think I should just get myself a day, a hotel room with a nice, comfy bed, and have some of the best sleep I don't remember having, it's been so long.

Everything Happens for a Reason

I remember the first time I heard this song.


It was a dark, chilly night - the kind that felt like a prelude to a winter of bitter cold. As soon as the song came on the radio, I knew both the song and the singer, even though this partcular pairing I'd never heard before. I already liked the original, and having just acquainted myself with the duo that was covering it (and later learning the collaborator was someone I fancied as well) made the discovery something of a treat. But as I listened to the song, tears slowly welled up in my eyes, and as I tried to blink them away to ensure I maintained my vision for driving, I just couldn't stop the slow trickle of tears.

I had responsibilities to which I needed to attend, but I also sensed that you would have rather not have me with you at the time anyway. Out of duty for the former and respect for the latter, I left you with my heart heavy, damning the cards that were not in my favor that night.

At the very least, I had the song. Listening to that song at that moment both made me happy and sad. I was happy to have found such a gem, but was more sad than anything; I was driving down a long and lonely road away from you.

Amongst my sadness, I found solace in the song's beauty, for as I made that journey away from you, I felt each inch I drove come between us, allowing the cold slowly creep into your heart. The comfort that I found with the song as my companion was the hope that perhaps it all wasn't so.

And when the song faded away, I desperately clung onto that hope it gave me...only to discover with time, that too was to fade.

Raw Hawaii

Realizing that it's coming close to three months since I took a week out of my everyday life and spent it on a boat cruising Hawaii, I've decided to release ALL my photos from the trip, despite the fact that I haven't finished ordering and captioning/titling all the images.


Click to view the collection

The first four days of my pictures are correctly ordered, and captions go as far as the first two pictures into day three. Once at Kauai, the images may be not as easy to navigate chronologically, since I was shooting with 4 cameras, 3 using film, the timestamps don't work quite as well as the digital shots. I'm also pretty sure the panoramic shots are not next to the composite images that made them up, which I made a great effort to keep together in the albums I was able to organize.

What's scary is the fact that I have two more rolls I have yet to develop, because I've been a bit lazy and cheap to take the two proper black and white shots to a place that can develop them and scan to cd (I don't do prints).

Maybe now that I know people can view these images, I'll be bugged enough about their ordering/lack of captions that I'll slowly chip away at organizing everything. I'm sure it will eventually happen, but I wouldn't hold your breath if I were you.

Still, I hope you enjoy the images. Hawaii is too photogenic for words.

It's Drafty in Here.

It's pretty absurd how many posts I have in draft form. I'm not going to say how many I have, but there sure are a lot.

Some of them have one line, maybe a link, and some of them is just a subject and tags with a thought I wanted to share but didn't have time to delve into the topic at the moment.

Just before writing this particular entry, I had another quasi-written entry I wanted to start, but outside factors such as hunger and needing to buy Radiohead tickets prevented me from continuing.

One day, I'll no longer have any drafts. The only thing I have to keep an eye out for is the fact that on Blogger, the timestamp is set to when the draft was first saved, so when it's published, it's backdated in chronological order. That created a lot of confusion once when I finally finished writing an entry that was a draft for a loooong time, and I didn't know where it went. I just have to remember to create a new entry with the original topic in mind, then I'm good to go.

Maybe that's what this blog should be about. I should completely stop blogging once all my drafts are posted.

I'll be blogging forever at that rate...