Okay, I can't complain. I should be happy that I'm awake early enough to take care of my domestic responsibilities and then have the time to do all the other things I need to do to get my day going. I've realized now that I think I've lollygagged a little too long, and it's already 8 and I need to be ripe and ready to go by 9, and I haven't showered and washed dishes yet. Today should be a long day - or at least, I hope it to be. I'm going shooting on this somewhat gloomy morning - and I hope that this overcast weather comes along with me, for I love this kind of lighting. It's like shooting in one giant soft box. Even better is the fact that I'll finally be able to shoot during the day, with good light, though I'm now debating on whether to shoot with the lens I've been so diligently trying to master, or go for the more appropriate lens for what I'll be shooting (street photography) and go for the 18-55 lens I have. That lens has the advantage that it can also use the autofocus feature of the camera, despite how slow it can take to focus automatically. Oh, it just makes me pine for the depth of field preview that I oh so miss. Oh well. I can't complain.
I have a pretty good camera. It's the go-to camera for a lot of people, it's a good beginner's dSLR, and it's light and ergonomic. Even for people who have the nicer cameras, including the fabled D3. No camera is perfect, I suppose, and my camera is no exception. I also can't complain since I spent 1/6 of the price for this camera (with lens) for the top of the line camera in its class. Perhaps I should prove my shooting chops before I even consider dropping a few dollars on the fancier cameras.
But what am I worrying about? This is my third SLR ever in my life. My first SLR was a automatic/manual camera that had a decent lens and whose manual functions were more difficult to access than finding the fabled g-spot. My second camera was an impulse buy after spending a few months without an SLR after giving my first one away to a good friend who would have done wonderfully with an SLR (albeit a beginner's one), and went to Samy's to drop about $150 on an old Nikkromat that's older than I am, with a pretty decent lens. Sharp the lens is, but the fact that it only opens up to 2 on a 50mm focal length had its limitations. The camera itself is one heavy beast, but that thing is solid and reliable, and I love that thing. Sure, it's the cameras pro photographers say that that's the camera they loved using...back in the day, but they also say that they sometimes shoot with it. I do love that thing, and if I could possibly fit my lovely lens on that baby, I'd be shooting 35mm film with that thing, once I get that thing a new strap and return its UV filter I'm now using on the D40.
I'd like to think I've taken a few good shots with that camera. It went with me to Europe, New Orleans, Princeton, Hawaii, and have shot a few dancers in yoga studios, the Upper West Side, a few bands, and an electronica musician. It's probably because I knew how to tinker with the few variables I knew how to manipulate: rating down the film, choosing my ISO, figuring out what depth of field I wanted, and of course, my preview. I actually like the feel of its weight, for it helped me stay still, and I'm just trying to stay even more still when shooting with the new camera it's so light (it's about one pound without a lens). But I suppose shooting film right now is not so cost-effective right now, and since I don't have access to a darkroom at this moment, it doesn't make sense to pay others to do something I could do myself. And yes, I do prefer shooting 120mm film now, but that's something I can't think about doing digitally right now, especially since I've been yielding pretty decent pictures on my cheap $200 TLR. One of these days, I can spring for a dSLR 120 camera (if ever I get that serious about my picture-taking), and heaven forbid, I may even get a digital back for it.
At the very least, for a few more dollars, I could somehow add an analog element to this digital process. It's something that I never knew about, I guess since I wasn't really serious about shooting digitally. It's called Through the Viewfinder, a new photographing technique where you take an old, cheap TLR that has a bubble viewfinder at the top of the cameara, and then you take your dSLR to take a picture of that image. Sure, there's still no film involved, but it creates an image that's inspired of that lo-fi effect that makes film photography variables and processes so unique.
I could go on for a lot longer, musing over more photography things. I suppose that's what I've been primarily rambling about for the past week since I've possessed my brand new camera...but in fact, it has possessed me (if you haven't noticed already).
For those who actually read these ramblings, you now have a sampling of how I could get very wrapped up in something. If you think I'm being a bit obsessive about it, you don't even know how bad it can get...it would be a lot more severe if I had more time and energy to devote to this all.
Showing posts with label Morning Pages. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Morning Pages. Show all posts
Saturday, August 23, 2008
Friday, August 22, 2008
It's Been Happening
I've been aware of it for some time, and the day that we never thought that this day would come so soon is finally here. It's almost the end of the summer. When I left work last night, I noticed the sun surprisingly close to the hills to the west, and even though I did leave work a tad later than usual, I haven't seen the sun so close to the hills in a while. the day is ending sooner, and the summer is wrapping up. Our intern's last day is today as well, and when I was initially worried that I wouldn't be able to find something for her to do every day, I have now found her indispensable. I don't know, it's a bit of a bummer.
And since I've been a little bit obsessive about it, that also effects my ability to shoot as well. I guess I really couldn't have done this any sooner, but now with my new camera, I have less and less opportunity to shoot with decent light. Yes, when I get off work, I do have the advantage of being out during the "golden time," but I'm also in a place that's rather good to photograph, but there isn't much to really take, and I honestly want/need to get out of the area for the sake of my sanity, and by the time I'm anywhere I can actually shoot, I either have to find a place to find parking or it's already dark.
I don't know if this morning's overcast sky is also a sign of the beginning of the end. Now that I think about it, this August hasn't been as hot as I otherwise would have expected it. Sure, we did have some sweltering days, but August is usually reserved for the "Dog Days of Summer," and yet, we really haven't had much of that. August has gone by like a blur, thanks to the madness that's been happening at work, and just all the other general craziness that's been happening around me. It's pretty tough to think that all this time is going by, and I wish that I would have done so much more...but I guess that's beyond my control when other things presents itself and as responsible people, we've got to take care of things.
It's also been pretty fun, as well. I've seen some really great things, eaten good food, gone to great places. I've been able to hang out with friends with whom I haven't hung out in such a long time. It's crazy to think that there are people who I could not live without (partly because I did live with one of them), but we now live in different places (polar opposites of the Greater Los Angeles Area), and life just doesn't allow us to really spend time with each other like in the days when we were banging around Westwood and the Valley. I guess other circumstances have prevented more things from happening, and I really don't regret that I haven't done enough. It's better than nothing. Except, I guess, for the Olympics. It would have been great to have watched more of it, and it really doesn't help that when I speak to anyone in my family, who has had the privilege to watch a lot of the Olympics, thanks to HD channels and the like, and they like telling me that I've missed out on a lot of things. It's not like I need to be told, I know. And I'm sad. There goes yet another Olympics that I wasn't able to follow in the way that I otherwise would have wanted. Oh well. I guess them's the brakes.
It's really tough to think that even though there are times when I'm able to go out and have fun, just like any other time of the year, but the summer has always been to me as a time when extra fun and magic happens, when the weather's hot and you can either go to the beach or to the movies where there's air conditioning. I don't know. As a student, I really valued my summer, especially after I started college...I never valued my summer more than after my first year of college. I never wanted to do a lot of nothing so much ever in my life. It was so bad, I didn't even touch the internet in a little over a month after leaving my dorm room, which was remarkable considering I was just living in a place where I would constantly be on the computer with a very fast internet connection (in comparison to the dial-up we had at home - I suppose that would have contributed to my wanting to not go on the internet on a snail's internet pace).
I'm not sure what the next season will hold. I don't know what the next week will hold. Each month this year has seemed to present its own interesting challenge, and when I would think that I've successfully met that challenge of the month, the next month always seems to provide another surprise challenge I otherwise wouldn't have expected.
I guess that some of all of this feeling is that I'm kind of in this state of anticipating something happening for me. I know that these things won't happen on its own, that I have to make the effort for things to happen. I have been doing what I think I've needed to do to make things happen, even though I know that I can be doing more. But I'd like to think that I'm doing pretty well for myself, that I'm trying to take some control in what's to come in the future, and perhaps I'm kind of hoping that all my efforts won't be done in vain. I suppose everyone would expect that from their actions, but after such a challenging year so far, I really need to make sure that I make things happen for myself, and those things will go well so that tomorrow will be a better day.
And since I've been a little bit obsessive about it, that also effects my ability to shoot as well. I guess I really couldn't have done this any sooner, but now with my new camera, I have less and less opportunity to shoot with decent light. Yes, when I get off work, I do have the advantage of being out during the "golden time," but I'm also in a place that's rather good to photograph, but there isn't much to really take, and I honestly want/need to get out of the area for the sake of my sanity, and by the time I'm anywhere I can actually shoot, I either have to find a place to find parking or it's already dark.
I don't know if this morning's overcast sky is also a sign of the beginning of the end. Now that I think about it, this August hasn't been as hot as I otherwise would have expected it. Sure, we did have some sweltering days, but August is usually reserved for the "Dog Days of Summer," and yet, we really haven't had much of that. August has gone by like a blur, thanks to the madness that's been happening at work, and just all the other general craziness that's been happening around me. It's pretty tough to think that all this time is going by, and I wish that I would have done so much more...but I guess that's beyond my control when other things presents itself and as responsible people, we've got to take care of things.
It's also been pretty fun, as well. I've seen some really great things, eaten good food, gone to great places. I've been able to hang out with friends with whom I haven't hung out in such a long time. It's crazy to think that there are people who I could not live without (partly because I did live with one of them), but we now live in different places (polar opposites of the Greater Los Angeles Area), and life just doesn't allow us to really spend time with each other like in the days when we were banging around Westwood and the Valley. I guess other circumstances have prevented more things from happening, and I really don't regret that I haven't done enough. It's better than nothing. Except, I guess, for the Olympics. It would have been great to have watched more of it, and it really doesn't help that when I speak to anyone in my family, who has had the privilege to watch a lot of the Olympics, thanks to HD channels and the like, and they like telling me that I've missed out on a lot of things. It's not like I need to be told, I know. And I'm sad. There goes yet another Olympics that I wasn't able to follow in the way that I otherwise would have wanted. Oh well. I guess them's the brakes.
It's really tough to think that even though there are times when I'm able to go out and have fun, just like any other time of the year, but the summer has always been to me as a time when extra fun and magic happens, when the weather's hot and you can either go to the beach or to the movies where there's air conditioning. I don't know. As a student, I really valued my summer, especially after I started college...I never valued my summer more than after my first year of college. I never wanted to do a lot of nothing so much ever in my life. It was so bad, I didn't even touch the internet in a little over a month after leaving my dorm room, which was remarkable considering I was just living in a place where I would constantly be on the computer with a very fast internet connection (in comparison to the dial-up we had at home - I suppose that would have contributed to my wanting to not go on the internet on a snail's internet pace).
I'm not sure what the next season will hold. I don't know what the next week will hold. Each month this year has seemed to present its own interesting challenge, and when I would think that I've successfully met that challenge of the month, the next month always seems to provide another surprise challenge I otherwise wouldn't have expected.
I guess that some of all of this feeling is that I'm kind of in this state of anticipating something happening for me. I know that these things won't happen on its own, that I have to make the effort for things to happen. I have been doing what I think I've needed to do to make things happen, even though I know that I can be doing more. But I'd like to think that I'm doing pretty well for myself, that I'm trying to take some control in what's to come in the future, and perhaps I'm kind of hoping that all my efforts won't be done in vain. I suppose everyone would expect that from their actions, but after such a challenging year so far, I really need to make sure that I make things happen for myself, and those things will go well so that tomorrow will be a better day.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Choices
Since starting this unconventional way of writing Morning Pages, I have missed two days. The first time was complete oversight - I was just a little too comfortable to leave my bed that day, as it was the first night/morning that I actually got a good deal of mostly uninterrupted sleep as well as the only day in who knows how long I didn't have to wake up and get up by a certain time. It was good. Yesterday I pretty much intentionally didn't write here, as I was preoccupied with other things. There was changing out my old alarm clock/radio into a new one as I switched from one MP3 player radio to another (since I pretty much think that I'll never see my iPod again). And of course, I was preoccupied with my brand new camera.
I spent almost the entire morning shooting, and the one of the few things that I have access to are the kitties who charged my room as soon as I opened my door as I was working with everything. It's not to say that kitties are bad subjects to shoot, but after over 200 pictures taken, it's rather uncanny to see that there are so many kitty shots. I have to say, and I never thought that I'd ever say such a thing, but I'm almost tired of shooting cats. I love cats, don't get me wrong, but I feel like I should try for a different subject than their cute, cute faces.
I don't know. I need to practice a lot with my new toy/tool/opressor. Don't get me wrong - this new camera will give me a lot of leverage and flexibility, but I have to be able to learn the way to control my image, which is the one advantage of shooting digitally. I know I have a rather unorthodox way of shooting to begin with - just take the shot as it is, prioritize on the raw image first, then work on the image afterwards. I embraced the lack of light sometimes or the "soft focus," but now that I'm no longer tied to the conditions and type of film I have loaded for the next 36 exposures, I need to understand that I have the freedom to tool with different settings with every shot that I take. I can look at what the image looks like, and if I don't like how it looks like, then I can just do some adjustments and plug away again. That's something that I have to start getting used to, and if you've seen my ever-growing set of first images that I've taken, you'll see that I'm still getting used to the automatic camera settings that will allow an image to be perfectly exposed in one instance, then totally blown out or too dark the next. I have to remember that "rating down my film" no longer applies to me, and my trick of overexposing is no longer applicable - there's just over or underexposed.
I still have to tame the tricky task of manually focusing with the lens that I love that's not completely compatible with my new machine (which is one of the larger consiiderations when I bought this camera - I knew full well it wasn't fully compatible with the lens that I wanted), but knowing that I've lived with a manual focus for oh, for the entire time I've been shooting, I didn't think it would be a problem. Perhaps I should try shooting outdoors, when the lens doesn't have to be compeltely opened up and the depth of field is so narrow all the time, and I'll feel a little more confident shooting. It seems that the majority of my images are wide open, allowing no depth of field whatsoever, so it's really hard to tell what the exact point of focus is, and another disadvantage to my camera is that it has no depth of field preview, which is something that most people don't even use, but I loved taking advantage of on a regular basis.
Maybe I can gain confidence if I were to use the lens that came with the camera body - for it's a pretty good lens, nice and fast, and I could better explore the true features of my new camera. I'm torn, though, as I want to try getting used to my "dream lens," especially since I did buy it wanting to use it in low-light conditions and for shooting action. We'll see what I can do.
I'm just starting to become aware of monkeying around with the exposure settings after shooting a shot that didn't come out perfectly, but I'm more focused right now on the fact that I can actually shoot in rapid succession without having to worry about burning too many shots on every similar shots. The idea came to me almost like an epiphany - I could press the shutter button, and just keep shooting. There was no real penalty to shooting more, I didn't worry about how many shots I have left in a roll before I have to change out again, and more importantly, I didn't have to manually advance the film to the next exposure, which did slow me down a great deal, especially when shooting action.
I know that this is going to be a very good thing for me. I hope that my manual photographic skills won't entropy after letting my camera doing a lot of my dirty work (as I should let it do), but maybe before that, I should focus on mastering these new controls and start consistently taking good pictures before I worry about un-learning all that I have been - I should tame this digital beast first, and then we can talk.
I spent almost the entire morning shooting, and the one of the few things that I have access to are the kitties who charged my room as soon as I opened my door as I was working with everything. It's not to say that kitties are bad subjects to shoot, but after over 200 pictures taken, it's rather uncanny to see that there are so many kitty shots. I have to say, and I never thought that I'd ever say such a thing, but I'm almost tired of shooting cats. I love cats, don't get me wrong, but I feel like I should try for a different subject than their cute, cute faces.
I don't know. I need to practice a lot with my new toy/tool/opressor. Don't get me wrong - this new camera will give me a lot of leverage and flexibility, but I have to be able to learn the way to control my image, which is the one advantage of shooting digitally. I know I have a rather unorthodox way of shooting to begin with - just take the shot as it is, prioritize on the raw image first, then work on the image afterwards. I embraced the lack of light sometimes or the "soft focus," but now that I'm no longer tied to the conditions and type of film I have loaded for the next 36 exposures, I need to understand that I have the freedom to tool with different settings with every shot that I take. I can look at what the image looks like, and if I don't like how it looks like, then I can just do some adjustments and plug away again. That's something that I have to start getting used to, and if you've seen my ever-growing set of first images that I've taken, you'll see that I'm still getting used to the automatic camera settings that will allow an image to be perfectly exposed in one instance, then totally blown out or too dark the next. I have to remember that "rating down my film" no longer applies to me, and my trick of overexposing is no longer applicable - there's just over or underexposed.
I still have to tame the tricky task of manually focusing with the lens that I love that's not completely compatible with my new machine (which is one of the larger consiiderations when I bought this camera - I knew full well it wasn't fully compatible with the lens that I wanted), but knowing that I've lived with a manual focus for oh, for the entire time I've been shooting, I didn't think it would be a problem. Perhaps I should try shooting outdoors, when the lens doesn't have to be compeltely opened up and the depth of field is so narrow all the time, and I'll feel a little more confident shooting. It seems that the majority of my images are wide open, allowing no depth of field whatsoever, so it's really hard to tell what the exact point of focus is, and another disadvantage to my camera is that it has no depth of field preview, which is something that most people don't even use, but I loved taking advantage of on a regular basis.
Maybe I can gain confidence if I were to use the lens that came with the camera body - for it's a pretty good lens, nice and fast, and I could better explore the true features of my new camera. I'm torn, though, as I want to try getting used to my "dream lens," especially since I did buy it wanting to use it in low-light conditions and for shooting action. We'll see what I can do.
I'm just starting to become aware of monkeying around with the exposure settings after shooting a shot that didn't come out perfectly, but I'm more focused right now on the fact that I can actually shoot in rapid succession without having to worry about burning too many shots on every similar shots. The idea came to me almost like an epiphany - I could press the shutter button, and just keep shooting. There was no real penalty to shooting more, I didn't worry about how many shots I have left in a roll before I have to change out again, and more importantly, I didn't have to manually advance the film to the next exposure, which did slow me down a great deal, especially when shooting action.
I know that this is going to be a very good thing for me. I hope that my manual photographic skills won't entropy after letting my camera doing a lot of my dirty work (as I should let it do), but maybe before that, I should focus on mastering these new controls and start consistently taking good pictures before I worry about un-learning all that I have been - I should tame this digital beast first, and then we can talk.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah
Buffy is not drama. I mean, it's drama, but not drama.
I grew up across the street from a rather large freeway. I'm sure that was the perfect cocktail with genetics and exhaust that caused me to develop a low stamina and my physically induced asthma. Yes, any extraneous physical activity gets me wheezing. And I hate it. Other than that, there are other things that I grew accustomed to while living across a very large artery of Los Angeles. Small rumbles don't phase me...having so many trucks and whatnot barreling by, even though the freeway was well above the street level, it would shake the ground. Oftentimes when there was an earthquake, I just thought it was a really big truck passing by, as usual, but when the rumblings continue, I know it's something more. I'm used to noise like no other...on the opposite side of town and space, my old best friend's house is just at the small hills at the foot of the San Gabriel mountains, and whenever I was there to take care of the kitties when the family was away, it was so quiet up there it hurt my ears. It was one of those piercing silences that penetrates your ears. Because of that, I guess I'm used to having noise about me, even how subtle or ambient. I don't mind the sound of the cuckoo clock ticking away, and I often like to listen to some steady beat to help lull me to sleep. I'm not sure if it's associated with our living across the street from the freeway, but my family also tends to like to have the TV on as ambient noise, regardless of wheather anyone is watching or not. It fills some kind of void, as if a place is being used, and lived in.
I guess that's why studying in the library wasn't always the most ideal place for me to study. That's not to say I never did that, and wasn't successful, but I would find myself more successful when I would find something to focus on as far as sound and then plug away at my work. Then again, I could have just found some earphones and listen to some music while working on things...and I guess I was pretty successful.
I know that everyone supposedly dreams several dreams every night, but that doesn't mean we necessarily remember them. I wonder if there are factors and the way we sleep that help facilitate whether we remember our dreams or not. Either way, I do remember my dreams at some capacity for the most part...and it seems that I don't remember the more banal dreams, but the ones that stick to me are the more interesting and out there dreams. I've been dreaming (or remembering them, at least) a lot more recently, more specifically, during the weekends. But last night, I had a very interesting dream or series of dreams that involved my family, something like a cruise, but not quite, or at least some kind of location where we were at some kind of beach and an area that had some kind of gift shop. Before that, I was dreaming I was sleeping, and when I got up for the day, my mom was mad at me, because she could hear me while I was sleeping. I was worried about what she meant about that, I don't know why, but she was saying that she could hear me tossing and turning throughout the night, thus causing me to have a poorer quality sleep for the night...as if I could have controlled that. I wonder if that translates to my waking life, but I haven't brushed my hair this morning yet, so I'll see if I actually was tossing a lot at night with some gnarly bed head. But there was this boat that had a lot of trinkets and pieces of art related to some sort of nautical theme, as well as a celestial them? I don't know. It all seemed to make sense to me, but maybe it was selling a certain type of aesthetic. It was a pretty vivid dream, and I last remembered getting interesting Tin Tin postcard prints that I was planning on framing in cute frames and hang on the wall somewhere in my house, but when I was standing there thinking about which little pieces I wanted, I was picturing hanging these things in the house of mine with which I wasn't familiar. It was in a space that I've never seen before...but at least from what I was picturing it while I was in my dream, I'm pretty sure that it was pretty nice. Maybe that's just a part of me that's thinking that I really do have to get out of this house and find myself a new place to live, a place that I would be invested in decorating, a place that I would be proud of living in, as place that I could call my own. I moved into this place knowing that I wasn't going to live here forever, that this place was just an exalted version of a college apartment where you only think of living for about nine months until it's time go to again. The funny thing about that is the fact that when I was going to school, I did make an effort to decorate my space, I suppose it was my way of defining my space. Perhaps It's a bit different since I now do have my own room, but even then, there are very few things adoring my walls here in my room, and there are very few things around the other parts of the house that are actually mine. I'm pretty sure that my roommate treats this place like her place (after all, she was living here for a few months before I even thought of moving in), with me just as someone who's living with her. I did come here with not many things, and I really don't possess the things that any humble home would need like a lot of dishes and utensils, furniture and the like. Oh well.
I think this is the first time that I tried writing my morning page while I had the radio blasting. I'm not sure if I've kept it on while writing or not, but I haven't lowered the volume of the radio since it went off about an hour ago. Either way, for some strange reason, I am more aware of the radio and it tends to tempt my attention away from my writing here and give my undivided attention to what it wants to tell me. There are moments where I almost want to transcribe what's being said, but I think I was pretty successful at not letting that happen.
I know that a big proponent to this exercise is to write stream of consciousness, and I guess since I've been doing this, I've been kind of writing to some kind of theme, but it's not like I actually premeditate what I want to write about when I go here. If I did, I'd be talking about the new camera I decided to buy and how I waver between elation and utter fear about doing so, or how it's still not comfortable for me to stay here completely alone, especially with my roommate gone (oh wait, I wrote about that yesterday). I guess I've been pretty good at keeping this exercise a free association exercise, but I still feel like I'm holding something back...maybe part of that is my awareness that others will be reading it...perhaps I'll experiment just writing in a notepad or Word document...perhaps that way, my flow would be better if I were to type something out on notepad, since there are no little wavy lines telling me that there are any typos, things that I have to obsessively look and see how I misspelled the word and correct it.
That totally runs my groove.
I grew up across the street from a rather large freeway. I'm sure that was the perfect cocktail with genetics and exhaust that caused me to develop a low stamina and my physically induced asthma. Yes, any extraneous physical activity gets me wheezing. And I hate it. Other than that, there are other things that I grew accustomed to while living across a very large artery of Los Angeles. Small rumbles don't phase me...having so many trucks and whatnot barreling by, even though the freeway was well above the street level, it would shake the ground. Oftentimes when there was an earthquake, I just thought it was a really big truck passing by, as usual, but when the rumblings continue, I know it's something more. I'm used to noise like no other...on the opposite side of town and space, my old best friend's house is just at the small hills at the foot of the San Gabriel mountains, and whenever I was there to take care of the kitties when the family was away, it was so quiet up there it hurt my ears. It was one of those piercing silences that penetrates your ears. Because of that, I guess I'm used to having noise about me, even how subtle or ambient. I don't mind the sound of the cuckoo clock ticking away, and I often like to listen to some steady beat to help lull me to sleep. I'm not sure if it's associated with our living across the street from the freeway, but my family also tends to like to have the TV on as ambient noise, regardless of wheather anyone is watching or not. It fills some kind of void, as if a place is being used, and lived in.
I guess that's why studying in the library wasn't always the most ideal place for me to study. That's not to say I never did that, and wasn't successful, but I would find myself more successful when I would find something to focus on as far as sound and then plug away at my work. Then again, I could have just found some earphones and listen to some music while working on things...and I guess I was pretty successful.
I know that everyone supposedly dreams several dreams every night, but that doesn't mean we necessarily remember them. I wonder if there are factors and the way we sleep that help facilitate whether we remember our dreams or not. Either way, I do remember my dreams at some capacity for the most part...and it seems that I don't remember the more banal dreams, but the ones that stick to me are the more interesting and out there dreams. I've been dreaming (or remembering them, at least) a lot more recently, more specifically, during the weekends. But last night, I had a very interesting dream or series of dreams that involved my family, something like a cruise, but not quite, or at least some kind of location where we were at some kind of beach and an area that had some kind of gift shop. Before that, I was dreaming I was sleeping, and when I got up for the day, my mom was mad at me, because she could hear me while I was sleeping. I was worried about what she meant about that, I don't know why, but she was saying that she could hear me tossing and turning throughout the night, thus causing me to have a poorer quality sleep for the night...as if I could have controlled that. I wonder if that translates to my waking life, but I haven't brushed my hair this morning yet, so I'll see if I actually was tossing a lot at night with some gnarly bed head. But there was this boat that had a lot of trinkets and pieces of art related to some sort of nautical theme, as well as a celestial them? I don't know. It all seemed to make sense to me, but maybe it was selling a certain type of aesthetic. It was a pretty vivid dream, and I last remembered getting interesting Tin Tin postcard prints that I was planning on framing in cute frames and hang on the wall somewhere in my house, but when I was standing there thinking about which little pieces I wanted, I was picturing hanging these things in the house of mine with which I wasn't familiar. It was in a space that I've never seen before...but at least from what I was picturing it while I was in my dream, I'm pretty sure that it was pretty nice. Maybe that's just a part of me that's thinking that I really do have to get out of this house and find myself a new place to live, a place that I would be invested in decorating, a place that I would be proud of living in, as place that I could call my own. I moved into this place knowing that I wasn't going to live here forever, that this place was just an exalted version of a college apartment where you only think of living for about nine months until it's time go to again. The funny thing about that is the fact that when I was going to school, I did make an effort to decorate my space, I suppose it was my way of defining my space. Perhaps It's a bit different since I now do have my own room, but even then, there are very few things adoring my walls here in my room, and there are very few things around the other parts of the house that are actually mine. I'm pretty sure that my roommate treats this place like her place (after all, she was living here for a few months before I even thought of moving in), with me just as someone who's living with her. I did come here with not many things, and I really don't possess the things that any humble home would need like a lot of dishes and utensils, furniture and the like. Oh well.
I think this is the first time that I tried writing my morning page while I had the radio blasting. I'm not sure if I've kept it on while writing or not, but I haven't lowered the volume of the radio since it went off about an hour ago. Either way, for some strange reason, I am more aware of the radio and it tends to tempt my attention away from my writing here and give my undivided attention to what it wants to tell me. There are moments where I almost want to transcribe what's being said, but I think I was pretty successful at not letting that happen.
I know that a big proponent to this exercise is to write stream of consciousness, and I guess since I've been doing this, I've been kind of writing to some kind of theme, but it's not like I actually premeditate what I want to write about when I go here. If I did, I'd be talking about the new camera I decided to buy and how I waver between elation and utter fear about doing so, or how it's still not comfortable for me to stay here completely alone, especially with my roommate gone (oh wait, I wrote about that yesterday). I guess I've been pretty good at keeping this exercise a free association exercise, but I still feel like I'm holding something back...maybe part of that is my awareness that others will be reading it...perhaps I'll experiment just writing in a notepad or Word document...perhaps that way, my flow would be better if I were to type something out on notepad, since there are no little wavy lines telling me that there are any typos, things that I have to obsessively look and see how I misspelled the word and correct it.
That totally runs my groove.
Monday, August 18, 2008
Outside Ourselves
I've been awake for well over an hour at this point, when I would otherwise be slowly waking up to the radio right now. It's not to be today, for one, I forgot to turn on my alarm to go off this morning, and because I didn't spend the night here.
I had decided to go visit my family and actually try to watch a bit of Olympics there, which is something I have set as a goal for myself if I don't have anything planned for myself. Unfortunately, I do have several things working against me, the biggest one being the fact that my home doesn't have a TV that gets a television signal, so I can't readily watch it, and when I do wind up in Monrovia to sit and watch the games, I wind up sleeping during some of the best parts, and this last trip was no exception.
I at least got to wake up to see the USA basketball team play against Germany, and even though Germany has two NBA players, not to mention the fact that they do have some of Europe's top players (because they do have good teams over there, which is surprising to some), USA was very much kicking their butts. Still, I think I'm just preconditioned to just...sleep during certain events; as I was sitting and catching some of the game before I left to come back to LA, I did nod off for a few moments. I suppose it doesn't help that I was up and at 'em at 5 am after going to sleep sometime after 1, but still, I didn't think I'd be such a sleepy person nodding off at any moment that I could get.
The other interesting thing is that I feel as though I have a completely new responsibility this week in my own home: In a sense, I'm kind of house-sitting, but more specifically, I'm cat-sitting. I was told this past Friday that my roommate would be gone the entire week on vacation with her family, leaving me completely alone in the house save for the two little monsters to keep me company. At this time, and with the history that I now have with the place, I would otherwise opt to maybe not spend that much of my time here, but with the cats here who need attention, food and a clean litter box, I'm more apt to stay here during the week. I suppose that it wouldn't be bad to fill their food and water bowls and have their box clean for a few more hours than they're used to (which happens on occasion), but I don't want to leave them completely alone and lonely, especially since my roommate has closed her bedroom doors to them (with due reason - I don't even keep my door open when I'm not here in danger of getting all my stuff roughed up by the paws of some rambunctious kitties). So long as I know that they will have enough food for the overnight, I wouldn't mind not spending the night completely alone in this empty house maybe one or twice this week, and I think our neighbor has the key so he could check on them, too.
It probably doesn't help that my roommate hasn't been working since last week, so she's actually been here at night, which isn't something that's consistently happened for practically the entire summer, and I do say that it does give myself a certain piece of mind. Sure, she wasn't around at night when she was working the night shift. But it's a little different knowing that she's not here at all this week, not filling the space with her presence, whether I'm here or not. It's not like this is the first time I've been by myself in this place when she's been gone, for she was traveling a lot last year for conferences and the sort. It does give a different feeling to the place, cats or not, and that's something I'm very unfamiliar with nowadays, especially after what happened last month.
I don't know. It's not like I'm trying to focus on this uncomfortable aspect of it, but it was something my roommate was worried about with me, considering everything that has happened. It is something that I can't ignore, and maybe I should make sure that I don't put myself in a position where I'm afraid to come home from any place I'd have to be in the evening during the week, or that I'd be apprehensive about being in this emptier house during the night.
I suppose only time will tell.
I had decided to go visit my family and actually try to watch a bit of Olympics there, which is something I have set as a goal for myself if I don't have anything planned for myself. Unfortunately, I do have several things working against me, the biggest one being the fact that my home doesn't have a TV that gets a television signal, so I can't readily watch it, and when I do wind up in Monrovia to sit and watch the games, I wind up sleeping during some of the best parts, and this last trip was no exception.
I at least got to wake up to see the USA basketball team play against Germany, and even though Germany has two NBA players, not to mention the fact that they do have some of Europe's top players (because they do have good teams over there, which is surprising to some), USA was very much kicking their butts. Still, I think I'm just preconditioned to just...sleep during certain events; as I was sitting and catching some of the game before I left to come back to LA, I did nod off for a few moments. I suppose it doesn't help that I was up and at 'em at 5 am after going to sleep sometime after 1, but still, I didn't think I'd be such a sleepy person nodding off at any moment that I could get.
The other interesting thing is that I feel as though I have a completely new responsibility this week in my own home: In a sense, I'm kind of house-sitting, but more specifically, I'm cat-sitting. I was told this past Friday that my roommate would be gone the entire week on vacation with her family, leaving me completely alone in the house save for the two little monsters to keep me company. At this time, and with the history that I now have with the place, I would otherwise opt to maybe not spend that much of my time here, but with the cats here who need attention, food and a clean litter box, I'm more apt to stay here during the week. I suppose that it wouldn't be bad to fill their food and water bowls and have their box clean for a few more hours than they're used to (which happens on occasion), but I don't want to leave them completely alone and lonely, especially since my roommate has closed her bedroom doors to them (with due reason - I don't even keep my door open when I'm not here in danger of getting all my stuff roughed up by the paws of some rambunctious kitties). So long as I know that they will have enough food for the overnight, I wouldn't mind not spending the night completely alone in this empty house maybe one or twice this week, and I think our neighbor has the key so he could check on them, too.
It probably doesn't help that my roommate hasn't been working since last week, so she's actually been here at night, which isn't something that's consistently happened for practically the entire summer, and I do say that it does give myself a certain piece of mind. Sure, she wasn't around at night when she was working the night shift. But it's a little different knowing that she's not here at all this week, not filling the space with her presence, whether I'm here or not. It's not like this is the first time I've been by myself in this place when she's been gone, for she was traveling a lot last year for conferences and the sort. It does give a different feeling to the place, cats or not, and that's something I'm very unfamiliar with nowadays, especially after what happened last month.
I don't know. It's not like I'm trying to focus on this uncomfortable aspect of it, but it was something my roommate was worried about with me, considering everything that has happened. It is something that I can't ignore, and maybe I should make sure that I don't put myself in a position where I'm afraid to come home from any place I'd have to be in the evening during the week, or that I'd be apprehensive about being in this emptier house during the night.
I suppose only time will tell.
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Garbage in, Garbage out
There is nothing wrong with starting the Morning Pages when you're no longer sleepy groggy, right? I guess I'm making my own rules and those apply.
This is my morning, part II, and miraculously enough, I did manage to put in at least a few hours of sleep. Then again, I did hit the hay around 2, and then wound up waking with horrible tummy pain around 5, at which point I went running to the bathroom. I did feel a little rumble of that before going to bed, which I thought was just something that attributed to cramps, so I ignored it and passed out, not knowing that it was going to later kick my tummy and ass. Is that TMI? Meh. I'm just happy I managed to go back to sleep after that, and even remembered to turn off my alarm so I wasn't going to be persuaded to wake up at a certain time. After my second trip to the WC this morning, here I am, starting my daily writing exercise, and the kitties are already welcome in my room (cue kitties as they make their entrance as I type this).
I suppose this is what I get for betraying my usual love. I did try to keep in mind some of my company last night wasn't the most thrilled with Leo's taco truck, and I do recognize that there are a lot of people who don't, so we had the option to go with the familiar, or go with something new. I've been kind of curious in trying Sonia's taco truck, who is up the street from Leo's and is supposedly the truck of Leo's ex wife who left him because he supposedly cheated on her (both bits of information I gathered at different times, I guess I'm somehow kept abreast on taco truck drama...then again, it is Leo's I'm talking about). I was the maverick of the group and ordered a burrito instead of tacos like the rest, because I was pretty hungry, having only eaten some leftover veggie tostada fixin's that probably would have fit on two tortilla chip rounds, a mystery flavor hot pocket, and maybe a piece of candy. The burrito was okay, slightly spicy, and had a decent amount of meat, but it was agreed across the board that the tacos were not up to par with Leo's, even though the actually had a nice looking veggie taco (which doesn't count in the taco tally, apparently, because there is no gastronomical damage in putting a bunch of beans and salsa in, so it's more like a side). The food was so disappointing, we did wind up going to a sure fire good meal, Carnitas Michoacan, in order one good taco to wipe the ugly taco taste from the mouths of some, and more importantly for one, to introduce one of our party to Orange Bang! which was discovered she never had before. That could not be for one, and CM was going to happen in short order.
I didn't have anything, but the four of us shared a nice, large order of Orange Bang! I also did steal a small bite of an al pastor taco, for I'm not sure if I ever tried it there (though through the course of my going there, I'm more than certain that I have). Either way, it was good, and those who had redemption tacos were well satisfied.
That all said, it can be said there is something working against Sonia's as well, as my tumms is not happy with me right now. Of course, it could have been caused by other things, but what? I didn't even have alcohol last night (oh wait - I had a swig from "backwash bottle" and was gently persuaded to take a remarkable hit from The Bottomless Flask (damn you...which really actually means *hugs* yay, friendship!!!) but the booze wouldn't do something like that to me.
Needless to say, I find fault in those who have given that place a favorable review, unless this upsetness is caused by my shaking the hands of someone with dirty hands then eating my food, but that doesn't even make sense either, because I had a burrito, and was eating as I unwrapped the thing from its double layer cocoon.
I hope the tumms gets better soon. I'm supposed to go to an exhibit today, which I'm going to have to stomach, then I'm supposed to picnic. I can't very well picnic effectively if the tumms ain't having it...and if that be the case, that would be a bummer for sure.
It's funny that as I do these morning writing exercises, I find myself simply recounting what happened to me the day before. I don't think that's entirely a bad thing, I think, it's just that's what bubbles to the top on thoughts when I click on the "New Post" button. I guess this morning's events is concerning enough to dedicate to a blog entry (perhaps to my readers' dismay), but perhaps this entry should remain here as a constant reminder that do not try to have Sonia's again, and if you can't stand the wait for Leo's (of which, should have been an indicator for us, since there was NO LINE at this place), just go to Rambo's. Rambo's is not that that bad.
But yeah. I'm sure the more I make this more of a habit, the more that I'll be able to let out more things that perhaps need to be processed out of the inner workings of my head. Something like how instead of lying here longer to write an entry about the new camera I ordered yesterday, or having a nice cuddle session with the kitty that's currently purring my arm, or even taking a cat nap, I should really shower in order to start my day...
KITTY IT IS!!!
This is my morning, part II, and miraculously enough, I did manage to put in at least a few hours of sleep. Then again, I did hit the hay around 2, and then wound up waking with horrible tummy pain around 5, at which point I went running to the bathroom. I did feel a little rumble of that before going to bed, which I thought was just something that attributed to cramps, so I ignored it and passed out, not knowing that it was going to later kick my tummy and ass. Is that TMI? Meh. I'm just happy I managed to go back to sleep after that, and even remembered to turn off my alarm so I wasn't going to be persuaded to wake up at a certain time. After my second trip to the WC this morning, here I am, starting my daily writing exercise, and the kitties are already welcome in my room (cue kitties as they make their entrance as I type this).
I suppose this is what I get for betraying my usual love. I did try to keep in mind some of my company last night wasn't the most thrilled with Leo's taco truck, and I do recognize that there are a lot of people who don't, so we had the option to go with the familiar, or go with something new. I've been kind of curious in trying Sonia's taco truck, who is up the street from Leo's and is supposedly the truck of Leo's ex wife who left him because he supposedly cheated on her (both bits of information I gathered at different times, I guess I'm somehow kept abreast on taco truck drama...then again, it is Leo's I'm talking about). I was the maverick of the group and ordered a burrito instead of tacos like the rest, because I was pretty hungry, having only eaten some leftover veggie tostada fixin's that probably would have fit on two tortilla chip rounds, a mystery flavor hot pocket, and maybe a piece of candy. The burrito was okay, slightly spicy, and had a decent amount of meat, but it was agreed across the board that the tacos were not up to par with Leo's, even though the actually had a nice looking veggie taco (which doesn't count in the taco tally, apparently, because there is no gastronomical damage in putting a bunch of beans and salsa in, so it's more like a side). The food was so disappointing, we did wind up going to a sure fire good meal, Carnitas Michoacan, in order one good taco to wipe the ugly taco taste from the mouths of some, and more importantly for one, to introduce one of our party to Orange Bang! which was discovered she never had before. That could not be for one, and CM was going to happen in short order.
I didn't have anything, but the four of us shared a nice, large order of Orange Bang! I also did steal a small bite of an al pastor taco, for I'm not sure if I ever tried it there (though through the course of my going there, I'm more than certain that I have). Either way, it was good, and those who had redemption tacos were well satisfied.
That all said, it can be said there is something working against Sonia's as well, as my tumms is not happy with me right now. Of course, it could have been caused by other things, but what? I didn't even have alcohol last night (oh wait - I had a swig from "backwash bottle" and was gently persuaded to take a remarkable hit from The Bottomless Flask (damn you...which really actually means *hugs* yay, friendship!!!) but the booze wouldn't do something like that to me.
Needless to say, I find fault in those who have given that place a favorable review, unless this upsetness is caused by my shaking the hands of someone with dirty hands then eating my food, but that doesn't even make sense either, because I had a burrito, and was eating as I unwrapped the thing from its double layer cocoon.
I hope the tumms gets better soon. I'm supposed to go to an exhibit today, which I'm going to have to stomach, then I'm supposed to picnic. I can't very well picnic effectively if the tumms ain't having it...and if that be the case, that would be a bummer for sure.
It's funny that as I do these morning writing exercises, I find myself simply recounting what happened to me the day before. I don't think that's entirely a bad thing, I think, it's just that's what bubbles to the top on thoughts when I click on the "New Post" button. I guess this morning's events is concerning enough to dedicate to a blog entry (perhaps to my readers' dismay), but perhaps this entry should remain here as a constant reminder that do not try to have Sonia's again, and if you can't stand the wait for Leo's (of which, should have been an indicator for us, since there was NO LINE at this place), just go to Rambo's. Rambo's is not that that bad.
But yeah. I'm sure the more I make this more of a habit, the more that I'll be able to let out more things that perhaps need to be processed out of the inner workings of my head. Something like how instead of lying here longer to write an entry about the new camera I ordered yesterday, or having a nice cuddle session with the kitty that's currently purring my arm, or even taking a cat nap, I should really shower in order to start my day...
KITTY IT IS!!!
Friday, August 15, 2008
More on Morning Pages
Can be found on this site.
I have a feeling that even though this time is supposed to be used as free association writing, I should attempt at putting some kind of structure to it...such as writing for a certain time period, since I'm not writing longhand, and on a blog, three pages is kind of an arbitrary thing. Maybe I could start in Word then transfer here? then I probably wouldn't publish it. Even if I did, what would be my employed paragraph spacing? Should I correct my mistakes (I have been). I guess the point isn't to publish, but maybe it's good for me to see on my own blog that I'm able to put something out there...though I'm sure that down the road, I'll want to write about things that I otherwise wouldn't want to disclose in this blog.
I'll have to give this some thought.
I have a feeling that even though this time is supposed to be used as free association writing, I should attempt at putting some kind of structure to it...such as writing for a certain time period, since I'm not writing longhand, and on a blog, three pages is kind of an arbitrary thing. Maybe I could start in Word then transfer here? then I probably wouldn't publish it. Even if I did, what would be my employed paragraph spacing? Should I correct my mistakes (I have been). I guess the point isn't to publish, but maybe it's good for me to see on my own blog that I'm able to put something out there...though I'm sure that down the road, I'll want to write about things that I otherwise wouldn't want to disclose in this blog.
I'll have to give this some thought.
Here I Go Again
I'm just way too tired. I suppose I could just lie here and keep my eyes closed for a little longer and that would be a little bit of rest that I would really appreciate. I really need to get some sleep, though I don't think I could do anything of the sort until Sunday, possibly. I'm supposed to go somewhere tonight, then I have an absolutely full day Saturday which starts with my going to a health center to prove that I don't have TB by showing my arm and I don't have a little bump (but I can show I have a little bruise, which I guess I can attribute when the gal said "Oops" when she had the needle in my arm...ugh). Now I can happily bring my little yellow card from two years ago and show that I didn't have TB back then, and if I keep it up until tomorrow, I can get another little card and have a little collection to show off the fact I don't have the consumption. I don't have that kind of a respiratory problem. I do have the asthma still, and I was told about this special shot that asthmatics takes every 5 years to help prevent the possibility of getting the flu and pneumonia because of my weaker lung sacs. I guess it's like a flu shot booster of the sort, and I'm not sure if I'm going to take it or not. I don't really get the flu every year, though I do wind up getting sick at least once a year, but not for the flu, I don't think.
Man. I'm kind of glad I do listen to NPR, because I do get results from the Olympics. I don't think that the US have seen the results of this event, and since I don't get to watch today (like I haven't been able to watch...GAH), I now know the results to this event, which is a pretty hot ticket one. Wow. That is pretty much of a bummer for me - that I really haven't been able to watch the Olympics. When I was stuck at work on Tuesday night until well after I was supposed to be there, I heard the sounds of the Olympics coming from the other room, and I have to say that I was extremely jealous that I wasn't there, or in front of any other TV for that matter, watching where instead I was going crazy with making a DVD or two. I really do long for the time and the opportunity to actually watch the Olympics. I guess if I really wanted to, I could, especially since I haven't been getting much sleep as it is anyway, I could strategically not be sleeping at night at a place with a TV where I could watch the Olympics at the wee hours of the night. Then again, I tried doing that, and after watching the no problem win of May-Treanor and Walsh for Women's Beach Volleyball, the next few events were the ones I was very interested to watch, and just passed out cold until about 2am or so? I don't know, it was sad.
The radio just told me something sad...seems like the latest Harry Potter movie installment's release date is now delayed half a year from this winter until the blockbuster summertime due to the writer's strike. Wow. That's going to really depress the big hardcore HP fans, and I know of some people who will be pretty upset about that. I was just recently linked to its trailer, and even though I haven't read a single book save for the very first page of the very first book in 3-4 languages (the cool part about going to bookstores in airports), I have been enjoying the movies, and the latest one looks to be pretty good. I do think I will have to watch the last one that was out, because I watched the whole thing on a computer screen, and I think so much happened, I forgot most of it. In fact, these movies are so long, I'm starting to forget what happened in each one. Okay, maybe just the third one...maybe I should look that up.
I guess this is more than enough writing for the morning. I'm still kind of groggy, but I'm definitely not going to pass out anytime soon. The radio just turned off as it's my alarm and if I don't press it again later, it turns off after an hour of being on.
I think it's time to make my bed and open my door and invite the kitties in, thus marking the start of my day.
Man. I'm kind of glad I do listen to NPR, because I do get results from the Olympics. I don't think that the US have seen the results of this event, and since I don't get to watch today (like I haven't been able to watch...GAH), I now know the results to this event, which is a pretty hot ticket one. Wow. That is pretty much of a bummer for me - that I really haven't been able to watch the Olympics. When I was stuck at work on Tuesday night until well after I was supposed to be there, I heard the sounds of the Olympics coming from the other room, and I have to say that I was extremely jealous that I wasn't there, or in front of any other TV for that matter, watching where instead I was going crazy with making a DVD or two. I really do long for the time and the opportunity to actually watch the Olympics. I guess if I really wanted to, I could, especially since I haven't been getting much sleep as it is anyway, I could strategically not be sleeping at night at a place with a TV where I could watch the Olympics at the wee hours of the night. Then again, I tried doing that, and after watching the no problem win of May-Treanor and Walsh for Women's Beach Volleyball, the next few events were the ones I was very interested to watch, and just passed out cold until about 2am or so? I don't know, it was sad.
The radio just told me something sad...seems like the latest Harry Potter movie installment's release date is now delayed half a year from this winter until the blockbuster summertime due to the writer's strike. Wow. That's going to really depress the big hardcore HP fans, and I know of some people who will be pretty upset about that. I was just recently linked to its trailer, and even though I haven't read a single book save for the very first page of the very first book in 3-4 languages (the cool part about going to bookstores in airports), I have been enjoying the movies, and the latest one looks to be pretty good. I do think I will have to watch the last one that was out, because I watched the whole thing on a computer screen, and I think so much happened, I forgot most of it. In fact, these movies are so long, I'm starting to forget what happened in each one. Okay, maybe just the third one...maybe I should look that up.
I guess this is more than enough writing for the morning. I'm still kind of groggy, but I'm definitely not going to pass out anytime soon. The radio just turned off as it's my alarm and if I don't press it again later, it turns off after an hour of being on.
I think it's time to make my bed and open my door and invite the kitties in, thus marking the start of my day.
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Gross.
Here is my first earnest attempt at writing (kind of) first thing in the morning. Of course, this may have not have happened at a worse day. Maybe even a worse week. It's not that I'm complaining, but I'm just telling it like it is.
I actually should hop into the shower right now and get ready for my day, because I have to be at a doctor's appointment right at 8, then I have to go to a seminar to improve my work writing. Following that, I have to go pick up plates and forks and then I'm off adventuring with my long-lost friend around Torrance and Gardena.
All this wouldn't be so bad if not for the fact that I'd like to be ready by now, but I slept past the beginning of my alarm and that I promised myself that I'd do this exercise for the first time, after I had planned to do this daily a long, long time ago...so long, in fact, it's coming close to about a year.
Also, I know that this will be good for me to do. I should do this, regardless of how tired I am, how little time there is, how little sleep I got from looking at things and tossing and turning in bed, and recalling at some point, I did have a strange enough dream that caused me to start crying. I have no recollection as to what caused me to do that, but that was upsetting...at the time, and now my eyes are a bit puffy from it. It's not something foreign to me, because that happened the night before anyway.
Gah, I really don't want to go to this doctor's appointment. But I must, it's for the best. I also don't feel like digging up a book that I really, really need right now, but I think it's a good thing for me to grab, because today officially marks the beginning of starting something new in a way, but is something that I should have done ages ago.
In fact, that's something that I could share with others, for not many people knew that I did such a thing 5 years ago, even the people who actually knew me at the time, but that's for another entry with its own purpose. Perhaps I should really get my day started and perhaps address things for later.
I actually should hop into the shower right now and get ready for my day, because I have to be at a doctor's appointment right at 8, then I have to go to a seminar to improve my work writing. Following that, I have to go pick up plates and forks and then I'm off adventuring with my long-lost friend around Torrance and Gardena.
All this wouldn't be so bad if not for the fact that I'd like to be ready by now, but I slept past the beginning of my alarm and that I promised myself that I'd do this exercise for the first time, after I had planned to do this daily a long, long time ago...so long, in fact, it's coming close to about a year.
Also, I know that this will be good for me to do. I should do this, regardless of how tired I am, how little time there is, how little sleep I got from looking at things and tossing and turning in bed, and recalling at some point, I did have a strange enough dream that caused me to start crying. I have no recollection as to what caused me to do that, but that was upsetting...at the time, and now my eyes are a bit puffy from it. It's not something foreign to me, because that happened the night before anyway.
Gah, I really don't want to go to this doctor's appointment. But I must, it's for the best. I also don't feel like digging up a book that I really, really need right now, but I think it's a good thing for me to grab, because today officially marks the beginning of starting something new in a way, but is something that I should have done ages ago.
In fact, that's something that I could share with others, for not many people knew that I did such a thing 5 years ago, even the people who actually knew me at the time, but that's for another entry with its own purpose. Perhaps I should really get my day started and perhaps address things for later.
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Morning Pages
I may have found a purpose of this blog.
As much as I'm more or less against self-help anything, I was recommended a book called The Artist's Way. The whole purpose of the book and its techniques is to help the reader tap into their creative being and have them express that appropriately - no matter what the artist's medium. It's not so bad, but admittedly, I haven't really followed through with the program. For a 11 week course, I think I've made it through week three at the furthest (this brings up in idea for a substantial resolution for 2008).
Despite my lack of commitment to this program, there is one aspect to it that I tend to start and stop more than going through the program itself. It's called Morning Pages, where one is supposed to do a 3 page free write first thing in the morning. Surprisingly enough, I've managed to maintain that several times for weeks at a time, only to discontinue it for some reason or another.
Of course, it is recommended that these three pages be written longhand and kept private, and obviously, if I were to go through with this plan to use this blog as my Morning Pages notebook, I would be violating both these rules. But I have a feeling that something about blogging my Morning Pages would be a good way to encourage me to actually stay consistent with my writing.
I say this for two reasons:
ONE: I type much faster than I write. This is true for many people, and on the plus side, I can read my writing much, much better when it's typed as opposed to my chicken scratch. This is very important when writing down thoughts; because I can surprisingly have pretty nice handwriting if I take the time to do so, but when writing down thoughts, such handwriting is tossed out the window. Some people never revisit what they write, and may even destroy what they do write, but I have used what I write to see what my state of mind is during a particular period or day, and compare that with my current state of mind. I like being able to do that, and using a blogging interface would help me archive that material.
TWO: Call it a case of histrionics, but there's something about posting for all the world to see that encourages me to write. Not that I'm here writing for a particular audience, but there is a strange element of appeal of someone peeking into my thoughts and life without actually invading it. I do know this blog is accessible to the greater pool of Blogger users, but to date, there are only two people I know personally that are aware of this blog. Even with those two people, I hardly think they actually check up on this blog with any regularity (if you are, please make yourself known ;) )I usually tend to write addressing an imaginary audience, so why not make that imaginary audience real, but keep some strange/twisted sense of anonymity to it?
Of course, this plan is contingent of whether I'm able to get up, fire up my computer and post every morning. As it stands right now, I do not have a guaranteed internet signal at home. But even with that obstacle in place, I can always just write on any word processor to copy+paste it once I have access to the Internet.
How about when I'm away from a computer + internet completely? Well then, Pen and notepad it is!
This isn't to say I'm starting this regimen tomorrow. It's just a thought. I would like to start writing daily once again (perhaps evidenced by my feeble attempt to maintain this blog), and perhaps, such an action will inspire an maybe even prepare me to go through the 11 week Artist's Way program.
As much as I'm more or less against self-help anything, I was recommended a book called The Artist's Way. The whole purpose of the book and its techniques is to help the reader tap into their creative being and have them express that appropriately - no matter what the artist's medium. It's not so bad, but admittedly, I haven't really followed through with the program. For a 11 week course, I think I've made it through week three at the furthest (this brings up in idea for a substantial resolution for 2008).
Despite my lack of commitment to this program, there is one aspect to it that I tend to start and stop more than going through the program itself. It's called Morning Pages, where one is supposed to do a 3 page free write first thing in the morning. Surprisingly enough, I've managed to maintain that several times for weeks at a time, only to discontinue it for some reason or another.
Of course, it is recommended that these three pages be written longhand and kept private, and obviously, if I were to go through with this plan to use this blog as my Morning Pages notebook, I would be violating both these rules. But I have a feeling that something about blogging my Morning Pages would be a good way to encourage me to actually stay consistent with my writing.
I say this for two reasons:
ONE: I type much faster than I write. This is true for many people, and on the plus side, I can read my writing much, much better when it's typed as opposed to my chicken scratch. This is very important when writing down thoughts; because I can surprisingly have pretty nice handwriting if I take the time to do so, but when writing down thoughts, such handwriting is tossed out the window. Some people never revisit what they write, and may even destroy what they do write, but I have used what I write to see what my state of mind is during a particular period or day, and compare that with my current state of mind. I like being able to do that, and using a blogging interface would help me archive that material.
TWO: Call it a case of histrionics, but there's something about posting for all the world to see that encourages me to write. Not that I'm here writing for a particular audience, but there is a strange element of appeal of someone peeking into my thoughts and life without actually invading it. I do know this blog is accessible to the greater pool of Blogger users, but to date, there are only two people I know personally that are aware of this blog. Even with those two people, I hardly think they actually check up on this blog with any regularity (if you are, please make yourself known ;) )I usually tend to write addressing an imaginary audience, so why not make that imaginary audience real, but keep some strange/twisted sense of anonymity to it?
Of course, this plan is contingent of whether I'm able to get up, fire up my computer and post every morning. As it stands right now, I do not have a guaranteed internet signal at home. But even with that obstacle in place, I can always just write on any word processor to copy+paste it once I have access to the Internet.
How about when I'm away from a computer + internet completely? Well then, Pen and notepad it is!
This isn't to say I'm starting this regimen tomorrow. It's just a thought. I would like to start writing daily once again (perhaps evidenced by my feeble attempt to maintain this blog), and perhaps, such an action will inspire an maybe even prepare me to go through the 11 week Artist's Way program.
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