Today is my old best friend's birthday. We haven't spoke in forever: last time I saw him was the night before I left for Hawaii back in February. It's interesting to see how things change in such a short period of time.
I thought to send him birthday greetings all the same, so I thought to send him a safe and marginally happy birthday ecard.
Of course, this is me doing that, so when I filled out the card, I made it out so that the sender was him and the recipient was him. So now he's going to get the confirmation that he sent his card to me, as well as the confirmation that I invariably signed him up for the site's newsletter.
In the end, it was a great way to get back in touch with this person who was once played a big part in my life. Whether he replies or not, at least he knows that not much has changed with me!
Showing posts with label Grown-up Stuff. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Grown-up Stuff. Show all posts
Monday, January 5, 2009
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
I Quit My Job.
I'm out!
My two weeks are already ticking away, and I don't have a permanent job lined up. Scary? Yes. Sane? I hope this move will be.
Perhaps the more concerning part of this move is the fact that I have this trip to Germany in practically a month, which will make it difficult for me to find another within this time frame as well as trying to finance it with not a guaranteed source of income in sight.
...I have been asked if I would consider working part time after my two weeks is up (November), which I may do, but I've also signed up at a temp agency and may be able to get some work in that way.
Either way, I am completely burned out on all this job searching that I've been doing for the past several months, and I'm in this strange place where I'm either semi-desperate to apply for a job or very, very picky on minute details of the job description. At the very least, I've broadened my job search to include positions where I'd be very happy doing, rather than just applying for the jobs I know I could do. It's too bad my main passions are pretty competitive and/or not well-paying. Bummer.
If I had my way, I'd be able to support myself and my current bum of a lifestyle (like scrounging up for Germany) taking pictures, writing a bunch of junk, and feeding miniature donkeys as my bread and butter.
PS - If anyone knows anyone or any place that's hiring, particularly if they're okay with me being gone for 5 official workdays next month, drop me a line.
My two weeks are already ticking away, and I don't have a permanent job lined up. Scary? Yes. Sane? I hope this move will be.
Perhaps the more concerning part of this move is the fact that I have this trip to Germany in practically a month, which will make it difficult for me to find another within this time frame as well as trying to finance it with not a guaranteed source of income in sight.
...I have been asked if I would consider working part time after my two weeks is up (November), which I may do, but I've also signed up at a temp agency and may be able to get some work in that way.
Either way, I am completely burned out on all this job searching that I've been doing for the past several months, and I'm in this strange place where I'm either semi-desperate to apply for a job or very, very picky on minute details of the job description. At the very least, I've broadened my job search to include positions where I'd be very happy doing, rather than just applying for the jobs I know I could do. It's too bad my main passions are pretty competitive and/or not well-paying. Bummer.
If I had my way, I'd be able to support myself and my current bum of a lifestyle (like scrounging up for Germany) taking pictures, writing a bunch of junk, and feeding miniature donkeys as my bread and butter.
PS - If anyone knows anyone or any place that's hiring, particularly if they're okay with me being gone for 5 official workdays next month, drop me a line.
Sunday, October 5, 2008
20/20
I once told my first boss of my first real job that I'll stay working with him so long as I'm not creatively inhibited. I lasted there for 20 months, even though I felt like I already learned everything that I could learn even before my probationary period was over. Part of the reason why I stayed there that long is because with that job, I was able to pay off all remaining debts I had from college then immediately take a 14 day trip backpacking around Europe, managed to train to run a marathon in New Orleans and raise $3,000 to help support AIDS Project Los Angeles, save up for when I quit I had well over $10k saved up, and still was able to buy a camera or two and take a few photo classes in the process, while doing shoots for friends and for myself. As soon as I quit, I skipped town for the Big Apple, where I did two photo shoots while there and then came home to take a photo class or two before I was tied down to my next full-time commitments.
It was for the most part, a good time in my life.
Financially, that was a very bell-curved time, and as I look back, the times when I was at my peak in saving more money than I ever fathomed I could ever save, was the time I was most miserable.
I don't think I was ever destined to have much money in the bank.
That's not to say that I have a lot right now, but I have more money than I've had in the past year, and even though I could have more if I were a little smarter with my money, my most recent big expenditures have been for things that have/will make me very happy.
I hate thinking about money. I simply hate it. I guess it's a necessary evil, but I was much happier two years ago when I barely had any, but I had a lot more free time on my hands and was doing things I wanted to do.
I'm not doing much of what I want to do right now...writing more, taking more pictures, at least coming up with ideas for fun picture-taking opportunities, and this past Friday when I got to see some old friends jam at a small coffee house in Long Beach, I realized how much I miss performing and just monkeying around with some brilliantly musical people and shoot the musical shit, listening to others try to get their collective talents to possibly play an entire song, and be happy with the few occasions when I'd somehow contribute. I miss talking shop with those folks about the little nuances about songs and lyrics, and trying to figure out harmonies and chords together. I know some really big music nerds, and though I have been spending time with some pretty musically sharp people, it's been some time that I've spent time with people who are just always willing to pick up an instrument and jam.
It's rather sad that in 4 short years, I've lost track with what was the most important thing for me - for I've been living through this desert void of little, if any bits of creativity for the past two years. I miss the sleepless nights when my mind could not rest as some idea for a project stews in my brain, or the frustration I sometimes have after burning the creative candle out (as strange as it is to explain). I miss pulling my hair out when something is not working out the way I wanted it, and even though I really don't, I do kind of miss having to be careful of my clothing as I've ruined several good shirts with fixer from the wet darkroom. I miss writing non-pathetic and sad blog entries, and I oftentimes feel something bubbling inside that needs to be written out, but every time I try to get it out, I lose steam too quickly. I don't even know the last I actually played the guitar, and I've forgotten how to play chords.
I have to do a better job trying to balance things in my life - I need to find a way where I can be a responsible, money-making (and saving) adult who needs to pay for things like a car and rent, but still be able to creatively express myself. I've been able to satisfy one for the most part, but I think the other that I've completely neglected is something more important to have in my life than I ever thought (denial, perhaps?), that it's made me into this person that I don't think I really am (miserable).
I need a new game plan.
It was for the most part, a good time in my life.
Financially, that was a very bell-curved time, and as I look back, the times when I was at my peak in saving more money than I ever fathomed I could ever save, was the time I was most miserable.
I don't think I was ever destined to have much money in the bank.
That's not to say that I have a lot right now, but I have more money than I've had in the past year, and even though I could have more if I were a little smarter with my money, my most recent big expenditures have been for things that have/will make me very happy.
I hate thinking about money. I simply hate it. I guess it's a necessary evil, but I was much happier two years ago when I barely had any, but I had a lot more free time on my hands and was doing things I wanted to do.
I'm not doing much of what I want to do right now...writing more, taking more pictures, at least coming up with ideas for fun picture-taking opportunities, and this past Friday when I got to see some old friends jam at a small coffee house in Long Beach, I realized how much I miss performing and just monkeying around with some brilliantly musical people and shoot the musical shit, listening to others try to get their collective talents to possibly play an entire song, and be happy with the few occasions when I'd somehow contribute. I miss talking shop with those folks about the little nuances about songs and lyrics, and trying to figure out harmonies and chords together. I know some really big music nerds, and though I have been spending time with some pretty musically sharp people, it's been some time that I've spent time with people who are just always willing to pick up an instrument and jam.
It's rather sad that in 4 short years, I've lost track with what was the most important thing for me - for I've been living through this desert void of little, if any bits of creativity for the past two years. I miss the sleepless nights when my mind could not rest as some idea for a project stews in my brain, or the frustration I sometimes have after burning the creative candle out (as strange as it is to explain). I miss pulling my hair out when something is not working out the way I wanted it, and even though I really don't, I do kind of miss having to be careful of my clothing as I've ruined several good shirts with fixer from the wet darkroom. I miss writing non-pathetic and sad blog entries, and I oftentimes feel something bubbling inside that needs to be written out, but every time I try to get it out, I lose steam too quickly. I don't even know the last I actually played the guitar, and I've forgotten how to play chords.
I have to do a better job trying to balance things in my life - I need to find a way where I can be a responsible, money-making (and saving) adult who needs to pay for things like a car and rent, but still be able to creatively express myself. I've been able to satisfy one for the most part, but I think the other that I've completely neglected is something more important to have in my life than I ever thought (denial, perhaps?), that it's made me into this person that I don't think I really am (miserable).
I need a new game plan.
Saturday, October 4, 2008
All the Best Laid-Out Plans...
I've been working at the library for the past two hours determined to work on things that I couldn't at home because I get too easily distracted, and even though I have accomplised some of what I wanted to get done, I've mostly accomplished identifying songs that I could feasibly sing with the friends I haven't seen in forever if/when I decide to sing with them at a throwback 50's diner/bar in Long Beach.
Now I just have to see if I can convince them to learn some of these songs.
Now I just have to see if I can convince them to learn some of these songs.
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
The Woes of the Asian American Artist
...for the most part, I should be more specific and focus on one big woe.
If you are Asian American with an artistic slant, or are very familiar and/or good friends with one, you would know that Woe Number One would be what our parents think about it.
I'm sure with more time, I could think of something else that could be more heartbreaking than having your child want to be an artist that wouldn't be very racist to write. Stripper/porn star isn't worse - they make pretty good money, and that would, at the very least, mean that your child is marginally good-looking and/or well-endowed enough to make the cut, and if you want to play the stereotype card, that would also entail the fact that your child has broken the norm.
Think about it - how many films are based on the wildly successful and/or colorful life of an Asian or Asian American artist? Do we have our own Caravaggio that we can be talk about? Okay, I'm sure there was some homosexual artist somewhere in Asia that went around fightin' and stabbin' people, but again, but with not enough acclaim and notoriety with which to make a film.
No, I'm not writing this entry to look for pity. In fact, since Asian American artist folk by nature will have a pretty thick skin from facing his/her parents and telling them that you want to be an artist (I'm sure that Sean Lennon didn't have such a problem, but I don't know if I'd want Yoko Ono as a mom, myself), there are several resilient and talented Asian-Am artists that have done well for themselves and have lived to tell the tale. Prince Gomolvilas has survived the ULTIMATE GUILT and has made a pretty nice career as a writer/performer, and has written an article on how to deftly follow your dreams while escaping the parental guilt (preview: yes, it involves lies and hiding stuff).
Now I'm not saying that secrets and lies are the way to go (though I'm also not not saying that that's not the way to go), but from my point of view, taking those measures aren't really that hard to achieve, especially when sometimes, your parents may not just "get it." That's not to say that my parents are inept to interpretation, but they just don't have the same sort of aesthetic as the things I've created, and I guess we'd have to agree to disagree.
...and behind my back, they may be talking about my wasting my life away on very confusing things...
If you are Asian American with an artistic slant, or are very familiar and/or good friends with one, you would know that Woe Number One would be what our parents think about it.
I'm sure with more time, I could think of something else that could be more heartbreaking than having your child want to be an artist that wouldn't be very racist to write. Stripper/porn star isn't worse - they make pretty good money, and that would, at the very least, mean that your child is marginally good-looking and/or well-endowed enough to make the cut, and if you want to play the stereotype card, that would also entail the fact that your child has broken the norm.
Think about it - how many films are based on the wildly successful and/or colorful life of an Asian or Asian American artist? Do we have our own Caravaggio that we can be talk about? Okay, I'm sure there was some homosexual artist somewhere in Asia that went around fightin' and stabbin' people, but again, but with not enough acclaim and notoriety with which to make a film.
No, I'm not writing this entry to look for pity. In fact, since Asian American artist folk by nature will have a pretty thick skin from facing his/her parents and telling them that you want to be an artist (I'm sure that Sean Lennon didn't have such a problem, but I don't know if I'd want Yoko Ono as a mom, myself), there are several resilient and talented Asian-Am artists that have done well for themselves and have lived to tell the tale. Prince Gomolvilas has survived the ULTIMATE GUILT and has made a pretty nice career as a writer/performer, and has written an article on how to deftly follow your dreams while escaping the parental guilt (preview: yes, it involves lies and hiding stuff).
Now I'm not saying that secrets and lies are the way to go (though I'm also not not saying that that's not the way to go), but from my point of view, taking those measures aren't really that hard to achieve, especially when sometimes, your parents may not just "get it." That's not to say that my parents are inept to interpretation, but they just don't have the same sort of aesthetic as the things I've created, and I guess we'd have to agree to disagree.
...and behind my back, they may be talking about my wasting my life away on very confusing things...
BLOGARGH
I've come to realize that my blog layout is for some reason, all ways wonky. The sidebar stuff is all the way to the bottom, and when I try to see if it's set incorrectly, the layout template says it's all good. But it's not. Oh well. I guess with more time, I can tinker with some settings, as I have a redesign in mind anyway. Too bad I'm very rusty in my code.
I don't think that anyone would notice, including my lack of writing my morning rambles. I won't lie and say that I've been doing them all every day on a paper notebook, for I have missed a day or two here and there, but I have made the jump from using this blog as a sounding board to the pen and paper realm. I really do miss writing, but then again, I also miss doing lots of things, like reading books, writing more, having time to take non-cat pictures during daylight, playing Mario Kart, etc. But I guess life just sometimes has to make us make priorities. Damn priorities.
Even though it seemed I had a giant creative spike last week, I think I'm still riding on that, but on a much smaller wave. I should be more diligent on my writing, and after spending an entire week photographing kitties, I decided to get the hell out of dodge and take pictures in places that had much nicer weather and very nice views (I took some pics of the long, hot period from when I was in Silverlake for Sunset Junction, and that was a wash). I have continued to photograph this week, but on a much smaller scale - I've been taking pictures of things I've been eating a of late, including my semi-impulsive meal at McDonald's and my sister's homemade bibimbop. I actually haven't spent much time on my own computer this week, which is why I haven't downloaded the images, and thus created some good blogging material that's a bit different from my daily ramblings.
Methinks that when I redesign my blog page, I'll use one of my newer images. Not that I love this image of the truck I took ages ago, but I'm thinking I should go for something a bit...cheerier.
I don't think that anyone would notice, including my lack of writing my morning rambles. I won't lie and say that I've been doing them all every day on a paper notebook, for I have missed a day or two here and there, but I have made the jump from using this blog as a sounding board to the pen and paper realm. I really do miss writing, but then again, I also miss doing lots of things, like reading books, writing more, having time to take non-cat pictures during daylight, playing Mario Kart, etc. But I guess life just sometimes has to make us make priorities. Damn priorities.
Even though it seemed I had a giant creative spike last week, I think I'm still riding on that, but on a much smaller wave. I should be more diligent on my writing, and after spending an entire week photographing kitties, I decided to get the hell out of dodge and take pictures in places that had much nicer weather and very nice views (I took some pics of the long, hot period from when I was in Silverlake for Sunset Junction, and that was a wash). I have continued to photograph this week, but on a much smaller scale - I've been taking pictures of things I've been eating a of late, including my semi-impulsive meal at McDonald's and my sister's homemade bibimbop. I actually haven't spent much time on my own computer this week, which is why I haven't downloaded the images, and thus created some good blogging material that's a bit different from my daily ramblings.
Methinks that when I redesign my blog page, I'll use one of my newer images. Not that I love this image of the truck I took ages ago, but I'm thinking I should go for something a bit...cheerier.
Friday, August 15, 2008
Here I Go Again
I'm just way too tired. I suppose I could just lie here and keep my eyes closed for a little longer and that would be a little bit of rest that I would really appreciate. I really need to get some sleep, though I don't think I could do anything of the sort until Sunday, possibly. I'm supposed to go somewhere tonight, then I have an absolutely full day Saturday which starts with my going to a health center to prove that I don't have TB by showing my arm and I don't have a little bump (but I can show I have a little bruise, which I guess I can attribute when the gal said "Oops" when she had the needle in my arm...ugh). Now I can happily bring my little yellow card from two years ago and show that I didn't have TB back then, and if I keep it up until tomorrow, I can get another little card and have a little collection to show off the fact I don't have the consumption. I don't have that kind of a respiratory problem. I do have the asthma still, and I was told about this special shot that asthmatics takes every 5 years to help prevent the possibility of getting the flu and pneumonia because of my weaker lung sacs. I guess it's like a flu shot booster of the sort, and I'm not sure if I'm going to take it or not. I don't really get the flu every year, though I do wind up getting sick at least once a year, but not for the flu, I don't think.
Man. I'm kind of glad I do listen to NPR, because I do get results from the Olympics. I don't think that the US have seen the results of this event, and since I don't get to watch today (like I haven't been able to watch...GAH), I now know the results to this event, which is a pretty hot ticket one. Wow. That is pretty much of a bummer for me - that I really haven't been able to watch the Olympics. When I was stuck at work on Tuesday night until well after I was supposed to be there, I heard the sounds of the Olympics coming from the other room, and I have to say that I was extremely jealous that I wasn't there, or in front of any other TV for that matter, watching where instead I was going crazy with making a DVD or two. I really do long for the time and the opportunity to actually watch the Olympics. I guess if I really wanted to, I could, especially since I haven't been getting much sleep as it is anyway, I could strategically not be sleeping at night at a place with a TV where I could watch the Olympics at the wee hours of the night. Then again, I tried doing that, and after watching the no problem win of May-Treanor and Walsh for Women's Beach Volleyball, the next few events were the ones I was very interested to watch, and just passed out cold until about 2am or so? I don't know, it was sad.
The radio just told me something sad...seems like the latest Harry Potter movie installment's release date is now delayed half a year from this winter until the blockbuster summertime due to the writer's strike. Wow. That's going to really depress the big hardcore HP fans, and I know of some people who will be pretty upset about that. I was just recently linked to its trailer, and even though I haven't read a single book save for the very first page of the very first book in 3-4 languages (the cool part about going to bookstores in airports), I have been enjoying the movies, and the latest one looks to be pretty good. I do think I will have to watch the last one that was out, because I watched the whole thing on a computer screen, and I think so much happened, I forgot most of it. In fact, these movies are so long, I'm starting to forget what happened in each one. Okay, maybe just the third one...maybe I should look that up.
I guess this is more than enough writing for the morning. I'm still kind of groggy, but I'm definitely not going to pass out anytime soon. The radio just turned off as it's my alarm and if I don't press it again later, it turns off after an hour of being on.
I think it's time to make my bed and open my door and invite the kitties in, thus marking the start of my day.
Man. I'm kind of glad I do listen to NPR, because I do get results from the Olympics. I don't think that the US have seen the results of this event, and since I don't get to watch today (like I haven't been able to watch...GAH), I now know the results to this event, which is a pretty hot ticket one. Wow. That is pretty much of a bummer for me - that I really haven't been able to watch the Olympics. When I was stuck at work on Tuesday night until well after I was supposed to be there, I heard the sounds of the Olympics coming from the other room, and I have to say that I was extremely jealous that I wasn't there, or in front of any other TV for that matter, watching where instead I was going crazy with making a DVD or two. I really do long for the time and the opportunity to actually watch the Olympics. I guess if I really wanted to, I could, especially since I haven't been getting much sleep as it is anyway, I could strategically not be sleeping at night at a place with a TV where I could watch the Olympics at the wee hours of the night. Then again, I tried doing that, and after watching the no problem win of May-Treanor and Walsh for Women's Beach Volleyball, the next few events were the ones I was very interested to watch, and just passed out cold until about 2am or so? I don't know, it was sad.
The radio just told me something sad...seems like the latest Harry Potter movie installment's release date is now delayed half a year from this winter until the blockbuster summertime due to the writer's strike. Wow. That's going to really depress the big hardcore HP fans, and I know of some people who will be pretty upset about that. I was just recently linked to its trailer, and even though I haven't read a single book save for the very first page of the very first book in 3-4 languages (the cool part about going to bookstores in airports), I have been enjoying the movies, and the latest one looks to be pretty good. I do think I will have to watch the last one that was out, because I watched the whole thing on a computer screen, and I think so much happened, I forgot most of it. In fact, these movies are so long, I'm starting to forget what happened in each one. Okay, maybe just the third one...maybe I should look that up.
I guess this is more than enough writing for the morning. I'm still kind of groggy, but I'm definitely not going to pass out anytime soon. The radio just turned off as it's my alarm and if I don't press it again later, it turns off after an hour of being on.
I think it's time to make my bed and open my door and invite the kitties in, thus marking the start of my day.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
BLAH
I feel so gross and yucky right now. I woke up with a pretty gnarly headache, and my body's all achy.
When I was younger and had yet to experience more of life, I would read the blogs of friends and others and witness them celebrate things that I otherwise wouldn't think to celebrate. I mean, I understood they were happy about such a human, everyday occurrence, but never to the lengths of announcing it on a blog and thanking the heavens for it.
I may be the age these friends were when I first read their blogs now, and I have to say...
HOORAY!
In other news, there's another man in my life. Actually, he's just a boy, but he's a sweetie all the same. He's on my bed right now as I type this, and he's totally looking for some love. His name is Colin. He's got these big, bright yellow green eyes, and he's such a lover. He's white, but he's got a little black on him in little spots. He's got this cute little pink nose and loves purring. But his claws are looong and SHARP, and he gets them stuck in places, including my skin, when he's kneading.
As lovely as he is, it makes me miss my baby a little more.
When I was younger and had yet to experience more of life, I would read the blogs of friends and others and witness them celebrate things that I otherwise wouldn't think to celebrate. I mean, I understood they were happy about such a human, everyday occurrence, but never to the lengths of announcing it on a blog and thanking the heavens for it.
I may be the age these friends were when I first read their blogs now, and I have to say...
HOORAY!
In other news, there's another man in my life. Actually, he's just a boy, but he's a sweetie all the same. He's on my bed right now as I type this, and he's totally looking for some love. His name is Colin. He's got these big, bright yellow green eyes, and he's such a lover. He's white, but he's got a little black on him in little spots. He's got this cute little pink nose and loves purring. But his claws are looong and SHARP, and he gets them stuck in places, including my skin, when he's kneading.
As lovely as he is, it makes me miss my baby a little more.
Friday, June 27, 2008
I Saw what Could Have Been
This is a summary of my week:
WORK: workworkworkworkworkworkrkrkworkworkwowo - Yes, it's been so crazy that compounds and overlaps upon itself
HOME: workworkworkworkwork *nap with kitty* workworkworkworkwork - I've been concentrating on my own personal project, it's madness, except for kitty naps time.
SOCIAL LIFE: workworkwork - ?!??! Yes, I go to friend's work to wait until work is done, and in the meantime, possibly do what I need to do for HOME. Instead, my input is needed, and I wind up reviewing a proof for a very important brochure my friend's been working on. So I do copy and layout notes for the whole time there.
Funny thing is, had things unfolded differently in the recent past, I would have been doing that exact thing around this time, except I'd be getting paid for it. It's a bit crazy to think that the brochure I was editing probably would have been created by me, as I would have been in charge of planning the whole retreat.
My friend is going crazy having to deal with all of it, and I feel badly, thinking that I would have helped prevented a lot of crazy-making if I was around to help out, and I would have been more than happy to do it. Not to mention, I really wouldn't have minded spending a week in Edinburgh.
WORK: workworkworkworkworkworkrkrkworkworkwowo - Yes, it's been so crazy that compounds and overlaps upon itself
HOME: workworkworkworkwork *nap with kitty* workworkworkworkwork - I've been concentrating on my own personal project, it's madness, except for kitty naps time.
SOCIAL LIFE: workworkwork - ?!??! Yes, I go to friend's work to wait until work is done, and in the meantime, possibly do what I need to do for HOME. Instead, my input is needed, and I wind up reviewing a proof for a very important brochure my friend's been working on. So I do copy and layout notes for the whole time there.
Funny thing is, had things unfolded differently in the recent past, I would have been doing that exact thing around this time, except I'd be getting paid for it. It's a bit crazy to think that the brochure I was editing probably would have been created by me, as I would have been in charge of planning the whole retreat.
My friend is going crazy having to deal with all of it, and I feel badly, thinking that I would have helped prevented a lot of crazy-making if I was around to help out, and I would have been more than happy to do it. Not to mention, I really wouldn't have minded spending a week in Edinburgh.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
I've Got My Mind on My Money and Money on My Mind
It's pretty crazy to think that I find it novel that I'm actually saving money.
That's not to say that in the past year and change, I was blowing each paycheck on superfluous things and lived from paycheck from paycheck. In fact, it was a bit of the opposite: even when I started working more hours just over a year ago, I still wound up tapping bit by bit into my savings just to get by. I did have medical insurance, because my work actually arranged it to have all employees to have insurance, but my more hours per week job was so demanding and crazy, it really wasn't quite worth it. That job caused so much irreparable damage to so many things in my life, it's got me rather jaded to the point that even now, I'm very apprehensive on how I react to and talk about work now.
Now, I actually have a job that pays me fairly well. After taking paycut after paycut for the sake of doing things that I feel like was worthwhile, I was finally being paid a livable wage...the wage I actually was making when I left my first job. Those were good times, because that was a point in my life when I had a lot of money saved up enough that I managed to quit my job and remained jobless for six months before picking up some part time work just to get by; two of those months included my stomping around New York City, which actually has a higher cost of living than where I'm used to. Back then, I didn't have a car to pay off (I just bought one off my cousin), or had to pay for rent. Nevertheless, being paid what I made three years ago was a drastic improvement from before.
Now that I'm past my probation period, I'm getting paid an extra 20% from that, and it's just amazing that even with all my bills and whatnot, I'm able to save money. I've even paid off my personal debts. I've lent somewhat substantial amounts of money. I've weathered May, which is usually a high-spending month, and June is almost over with its usual high degree of spending well. Even so, my savings is slowly creeping up, and it makes me happy.
They say that your savings should be enough to cover you for six months should anything happen. After dealing with what I've had to deal with for the past three years, I've now learned that even though there's money in the bank doesn't mean I can just throw it around. And I haven't. I don't really buy new clothes; I get something new every now and then on a sale, or when my mom gets me something (not that I really need more clothes right now...well, I do, possibly, pending certain things). So far I've only bought one game for my Nintendo DS (the other two were presents), and I bought one game for a console I don't even own. When I do need/want something, I first refer to Freecycle or Craigslist to see if someone no longer wants theirs. In all, I've been pretty good.
In all honesty, though, I do miss doing things what people who have money can do. I miss being able to burn money on film and developing. It's a blessing and a curse I've been working in casual wear offices so I don't have to have "nice" clothes, but I do miss the feeling of gussying up for work every now and then. I haven't been to Coachella in two years, in the past 18 months I've only been to Disneyland once. Most missed of all, I haven't really traveled since 2005. I was making good work going to some far-off land every year for a while: One year was Germany. Year after that was broader Europe. After that was NYC for almost two months. The last thing that resembled a trip for me was when I flew to Las Vegas for the first time to go to a weekend festival there.
I've been so entrenched in survival mode, I've lost sight of the things I really enjoy doing, even though a good deal of them costs a bit of money. Now that it's becoming more and more feasible for me to start with those things again, I'm getting itchy. Still, I revel with every paycheck that allows me to save even more, but the more I save, the more I want to just take that and go away for a while.
Whatever I do wind up doing, please help me in making sure that I don't wind up blowing my money on a plane ticket to Berlin and a course to get my certification to teach English abroad.
That's not to say that in the past year and change, I was blowing each paycheck on superfluous things and lived from paycheck from paycheck. In fact, it was a bit of the opposite: even when I started working more hours just over a year ago, I still wound up tapping bit by bit into my savings just to get by. I did have medical insurance, because my work actually arranged it to have all employees to have insurance, but my more hours per week job was so demanding and crazy, it really wasn't quite worth it. That job caused so much irreparable damage to so many things in my life, it's got me rather jaded to the point that even now, I'm very apprehensive on how I react to and talk about work now.Now, I actually have a job that pays me fairly well. After taking paycut after paycut for the sake of doing things that I feel like was worthwhile, I was finally being paid a livable wage...the wage I actually was making when I left my first job. Those were good times, because that was a point in my life when I had a lot of money saved up enough that I managed to quit my job and remained jobless for six months before picking up some part time work just to get by; two of those months included my stomping around New York City, which actually has a higher cost of living than where I'm used to. Back then, I didn't have a car to pay off (I just bought one off my cousin), or had to pay for rent. Nevertheless, being paid what I made three years ago was a drastic improvement from before.
Now that I'm past my probation period, I'm getting paid an extra 20% from that, and it's just amazing that even with all my bills and whatnot, I'm able to save money. I've even paid off my personal debts. I've lent somewhat substantial amounts of money. I've weathered May, which is usually a high-spending month, and June is almost over with its usual high degree of spending well. Even so, my savings is slowly creeping up, and it makes me happy.
They say that your savings should be enough to cover you for six months should anything happen. After dealing with what I've had to deal with for the past three years, I've now learned that even though there's money in the bank doesn't mean I can just throw it around. And I haven't. I don't really buy new clothes; I get something new every now and then on a sale, or when my mom gets me something (not that I really need more clothes right now...well, I do, possibly, pending certain things). So far I've only bought one game for my Nintendo DS (the other two were presents), and I bought one game for a console I don't even own. When I do need/want something, I first refer to Freecycle or Craigslist to see if someone no longer wants theirs. In all, I've been pretty good.
In all honesty, though, I do miss doing things what people who have money can do. I miss being able to burn money on film and developing. It's a blessing and a curse I've been working in casual wear offices so I don't have to have "nice" clothes, but I do miss the feeling of gussying up for work every now and then. I haven't been to Coachella in two years, in the past 18 months I've only been to Disneyland once. Most missed of all, I haven't really traveled since 2005. I was making good work going to some far-off land every year for a while: One year was Germany. Year after that was broader Europe. After that was NYC for almost two months. The last thing that resembled a trip for me was when I flew to Las Vegas for the first time to go to a weekend festival there.
I've been so entrenched in survival mode, I've lost sight of the things I really enjoy doing, even though a good deal of them costs a bit of money. Now that it's becoming more and more feasible for me to start with those things again, I'm getting itchy. Still, I revel with every paycheck that allows me to save even more, but the more I save, the more I want to just take that and go away for a while.
Whatever I do wind up doing, please help me in making sure that I don't wind up blowing my money on a plane ticket to Berlin and a course to get my certification to teach English abroad.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Nowhere but Up
I'm definitely coming up in the world...
...but I wonder how far I should take that momentum to go further, even if it means a slight side shuffle from the path I was taking and hoping I'd stay.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Some Things Should be Left in the Past
I should have known better.
It may be that time of the month, and the fact that I didn't satisfy my dirty/cheap Mexican food fix last night after drinking, but I had the biggest craving for overfried taquitos today. Or maybe it's the fact that 6 out of 7 days of the week, I'm hankering for Mexican-like food. I had a King Taco bean burrito a week or so ago, and was thinking that I wouldn't mind having another one of those again soon.
But for some reason, and perhaps this is thanks in part of my boss' son's Taco Bell obsession that I was kind of jonesing for a Taco Bell bean burrito today. Thinking I had to descend down the hill on an errand, I decided that I would get me some sort of "Mexican food," and after talking to my boss' housekeeper, I decided that maybe, it's time to revisit my old staple, the Taco Bell bean burrito, no onions, add sour cream.
I was told that the nearest TB is next to the Ralphs. The thing is, there are two on opposite sides of Ventura Blvd. from here, and I failed to ask which one it was next to, so of course, I went to the wrong one first, then had to backtrack.
I knew I should have turned around and stuck to my can of beans, because I started thinking that this would be a new Taco Bell I'm going to...I don't know how they prepare their burritos...for all I know, they'd be horrible at it. Then again, that's how I've had some pretty good bean burritos in the past from random TB locations. Throwing caution into the air, I continued on with my journey.
I guess Taco Bell also has their own "Value Menu." Funny, because in the past, everything on the menu was of "Value." I guess back then, they didn't have burritos the size of your thigh that basically had your daily suggested sodium intake, so things are a bit pricier now, but I was amused to find the bean burrito as part of said menu, but at $0.99. This price was always the price for the "more expensive" Taco Bells, but I guess it's the same price everywhere now, bummer. Still, I ordered my standard, times two, because I thought I was hungry.
On my way back, I still had my lingering doubts about eating them, and even wanted to check my receipt to make sure the lady who took my order got it down right, as if I was finding any excuse to not eat them, or something. When I was doing that, I felt the burritos and found them to be piping room temperature...ooh, not good at all.
Once I got back, I settled in and opened the first, already cold burrito.
It was everything I expected it to be: Yuck.
And then what did I do? Finish that one and ate the other one. Why? Because I was hungry and didn't want to waste it.
Now I feel like lots of yuck.
I should have gone for my other option to go into Ralphs and buy a El Monterey 10 burrito frozen brick, and that could have done me much better. Still, I'm sad that the Taco Bell bean burrito no longer hits the spot for me, as if that's a part of me that's now completely dead to me, which is perhaps a symbolic correlative to what I associate going to Taco Bell.
So...I guess that's the end of that.
It may be that time of the month, and the fact that I didn't satisfy my dirty/cheap Mexican food fix last night after drinking, but I had the biggest craving for overfried taquitos today. Or maybe it's the fact that 6 out of 7 days of the week, I'm hankering for Mexican-like food. I had a King Taco bean burrito a week or so ago, and was thinking that I wouldn't mind having another one of those again soon.
But for some reason, and perhaps this is thanks in part of my boss' son's Taco Bell obsession that I was kind of jonesing for a Taco Bell bean burrito today. Thinking I had to descend down the hill on an errand, I decided that I would get me some sort of "Mexican food," and after talking to my boss' housekeeper, I decided that maybe, it's time to revisit my old staple, the Taco Bell bean burrito, no onions, add sour cream.
I was told that the nearest TB is next to the Ralphs. The thing is, there are two on opposite sides of Ventura Blvd. from here, and I failed to ask which one it was next to, so of course, I went to the wrong one first, then had to backtrack.
I knew I should have turned around and stuck to my can of beans, because I started thinking that this would be a new Taco Bell I'm going to...I don't know how they prepare their burritos...for all I know, they'd be horrible at it. Then again, that's how I've had some pretty good bean burritos in the past from random TB locations. Throwing caution into the air, I continued on with my journey.
I guess Taco Bell also has their own "Value Menu." Funny, because in the past, everything on the menu was of "Value." I guess back then, they didn't have burritos the size of your thigh that basically had your daily suggested sodium intake, so things are a bit pricier now, but I was amused to find the bean burrito as part of said menu, but at $0.99. This price was always the price for the "more expensive" Taco Bells, but I guess it's the same price everywhere now, bummer. Still, I ordered my standard, times two, because I thought I was hungry.
On my way back, I still had my lingering doubts about eating them, and even wanted to check my receipt to make sure the lady who took my order got it down right, as if I was finding any excuse to not eat them, or something. When I was doing that, I felt the burritos and found them to be piping room temperature...ooh, not good at all.
Once I got back, I settled in and opened the first, already cold burrito.
It was everything I expected it to be: Yuck.
And then what did I do? Finish that one and ate the other one. Why? Because I was hungry and didn't want to waste it.
Now I feel like lots of yuck.
I should have gone for my other option to go into Ralphs and buy a El Monterey 10 burrito frozen brick, and that could have done me much better. Still, I'm sad that the Taco Bell bean burrito no longer hits the spot for me, as if that's a part of me that's now completely dead to me, which is perhaps a symbolic correlative to what I associate going to Taco Bell.
So...I guess that's the end of that.
Some Lessons I Shouldn't Learn
I can't complain about the new job much. The honeymoon phase is definitely over, and there are a lot of things that I can deal without, but overall it's great because there's so much that I've learned here and I know that I will continue learning things for some time.
Aside from the actual hands-on working experience I'm getting, I also get to see how my boss works, having run her own nonprofit dance company for over 20 years. It's interesting to see how she deals with things and people, a good deal of which I'm impressed and definitely have started using in how I handle things.
Of course, there are some things I may not want to pick up from her...
Yesterday, my boss and I were talking about our weekends. She had a pretty crazy one, where practically every night was spent out at some party, drinking a lot and meeting new people. As she trying to recollect her bits of memories from the weekend, she hands me a card of a woman who she doesn't remember meeting nor does she remember why she would have her card in the first place. She's an acupuncturist, but my boss doesn't need one. She asks if it's strange or mean if she were to email her, saying that she doesn't remember why she has her card...she doesn't even remember which night at which party at which she met her.
I can't really say that's something I would want to find myself doing, but the thing is, I've already done something like that.
I told her the infamous story of the night I went to Lucy's 51, got way too happy with the free super sweet drinks, bought more drinks, and then sipped from a flask the rest of the night and barely survived coming home and downloaded pictures from my camera full of people I don't remember meeting, with whom I wound up taking pictures. Amongst the people I don't remember meeting is the guy that later became my boyfriend.
After telling my boss that story, her response was, "Don't you hate it when that happens?!?!" To which I replied in my head, "Yeah, though I hope I don't have that happen to me again."
I wind up writing the email to this forgotten woman, who replies and my boss vaguely remembers her after all. It seems like there is a reason behind their forgotten conversation, and only time will tell if this meeting develops into something.
Huh. Having spent bits and pieces of the day writing this entry, I've forgotten the point of sharing this conversation.
Oh...
It seems for the most part, my boss and I get along pretty well, have similar outlooks on things, etc. I really appreciate that she likes to keep things on a very positive note, emphasizing the good and making the best of a bad situation. Thinking about this conversation about having so much fun we forget about it makes me think...maybe we gave off this vibe that we are both apt to such little shenanigans like these, which would allow us to better get along with each other? That somehow we can relate? She was definitely relieved that she's not the only one who does such a thing when I told her of my experience, and in a way, I guess I am, too.
But this is one that's not going to be put on the resume. I don't even know how it would be worded on a resume. Maybe I can drink myself silly and come up with something good, with the hopes I have something/somehow to record whatever I wind up thinking.
Aside from the actual hands-on working experience I'm getting, I also get to see how my boss works, having run her own nonprofit dance company for over 20 years. It's interesting to see how she deals with things and people, a good deal of which I'm impressed and definitely have started using in how I handle things.
Of course, there are some things I may not want to pick up from her...
Yesterday, my boss and I were talking about our weekends. She had a pretty crazy one, where practically every night was spent out at some party, drinking a lot and meeting new people. As she trying to recollect her bits of memories from the weekend, she hands me a card of a woman who she doesn't remember meeting nor does she remember why she would have her card in the first place. She's an acupuncturist, but my boss doesn't need one. She asks if it's strange or mean if she were to email her, saying that she doesn't remember why she has her card...she doesn't even remember which night at which party at which she met her.
I can't really say that's something I would want to find myself doing, but the thing is, I've already done something like that.
I told her the infamous story of the night I went to Lucy's 51, got way too happy with the free super sweet drinks, bought more drinks, and then sipped from a flask the rest of the night and barely survived coming home and downloaded pictures from my camera full of people I don't remember meeting, with whom I wound up taking pictures. Amongst the people I don't remember meeting is the guy that later became my boyfriend.
After telling my boss that story, her response was, "Don't you hate it when that happens?!?!" To which I replied in my head, "Yeah, though I hope I don't have that happen to me again."
I wind up writing the email to this forgotten woman, who replies and my boss vaguely remembers her after all. It seems like there is a reason behind their forgotten conversation, and only time will tell if this meeting develops into something.
Huh. Having spent bits and pieces of the day writing this entry, I've forgotten the point of sharing this conversation.
Oh...
It seems for the most part, my boss and I get along pretty well, have similar outlooks on things, etc. I really appreciate that she likes to keep things on a very positive note, emphasizing the good and making the best of a bad situation. Thinking about this conversation about having so much fun we forget about it makes me think...maybe we gave off this vibe that we are both apt to such little shenanigans like these, which would allow us to better get along with each other? That somehow we can relate? She was definitely relieved that she's not the only one who does such a thing when I told her of my experience, and in a way, I guess I am, too.
But this is one that's not going to be put on the resume. I don't even know how it would be worded on a resume. Maybe I can drink myself silly and come up with something good, with the hopes I have something/somehow to record whatever I wind up thinking.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
She Loves Me...but is She IN Love with Me?
Where I live, health care is not a human right.
Yesterday I found out that the short-term medical insurance policy I was signed up for was terminated a few days ago. That's a bummer. And it's even more of a bummer that one of the many, many reasons to be denied medical coverage is because one has asthma and actually uses an inhaler to treat it when I do get it.
I've been looking into my options, and things look pretty bleak. Even with the plans that are affordable/comprehensive enough, one prescription I currently take are not covered. Thankfully, there are ways around that, and there are resources that I can utilize. Still, it's pretty sad to think that in order to take care of one's self, there are many, many hoops through which one must jump through. Just make sure that you don't injure yourself while jumping through them - that's going to be a very, very expensive fix.
It almost seems like this is all a sign for me to maybe take up my roommate's offer to marry her, because I'd be pretty much set with medical care, should I need something (like pay nothing for generic drug prescriptions).
Bah. In the meantime, I'll have to cancel all my plans for participating in the running with scissors marathon, as well as the Memorial Day Adrenaline Sport Tour down in TJ. It's just not worth the risk of getting hurt.
Yesterday I found out that the short-term medical insurance policy I was signed up for was terminated a few days ago. That's a bummer. And it's even more of a bummer that one of the many, many reasons to be denied medical coverage is because one has asthma and actually uses an inhaler to treat it when I do get it.
I've been looking into my options, and things look pretty bleak. Even with the plans that are affordable/comprehensive enough, one prescription I currently take are not covered. Thankfully, there are ways around that, and there are resources that I can utilize. Still, it's pretty sad to think that in order to take care of one's self, there are many, many hoops through which one must jump through. Just make sure that you don't injure yourself while jumping through them - that's going to be a very, very expensive fix.
It almost seems like this is all a sign for me to maybe take up my roommate's offer to marry her, because I'd be pretty much set with medical care, should I need something (like pay nothing for generic drug prescriptions).
Bah. In the meantime, I'll have to cancel all my plans for participating in the running with scissors marathon, as well as the Memorial Day Adrenaline Sport Tour down in TJ. It's just not worth the risk of getting hurt.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
House of Red Rivers Can Truly be?
The gay marriage ban has been lifted from California on a 4-3 decision.
Interesting that this ruling came today, for I briefly spoke to my mom this morning, and the decline letter from my medical insurance application for some reason went to my parents' house, and the reasons for the decline was for the same bullshit reasons that I had paperwork to back up my claims. What assholes. Before we got off the phone, she quickly told me just to apply for Kaiser and then I'll be okay.
No, I won't, because I don't want to sign up for Kaiser.
When I heard news of the decision, two things came to mind: I thought of the people who I know who had to have the loves of their lives go back to the country where they have citizenship because they couldn't manage getting an extended visa or other means of staying in the country, and how wonderful how those people and couples living here getting the opportunity to marry if they want to, as a symbol of their love and dedication to each other.
And of course, the whole getting insurance thing comes to mind.
But really, I'll never do it. I know Nat is very serious about the idea, because she wants me to be taken care of, and should something happen to me, I won't have to worry about getting better just so I could spend the rest of my semi-healthy life paying back all the expenses from not dying, which would probably wind up costing less than what it would take to get better. It's much like the conversation I had with a friend, who had to go back to Germany because her employer at the time decided not to renew her work visa. I was wholeheartedly joking when I told her that she and her boyfriend should get married, and we both laughed, but she abruptly stopped and told me matter-of-factly that she'd never get married for that reason, and would marry for love. I was taken aback, mostly because that was the most stereotypically German I've ever witnessed of her. So back to Germany she went, and eventually she got come back for a bit and spend time with the boyfriend. When she had to go home, and she and her boyfriend already said goodbye, she was already walking towards the gate when he proposed to her. Aww.
So are you kidding me? I hate commitments to begin with, and I couldn't start to imagine what it would be like to fabricate a commitment, particularly one that's done out of convenience and more specifically, something I may not be able to fabricate well.
But back to the actual topic at hand. I'm completely reeling that LOGIC, not preconceived notions and tradition has seized the day.
And on a more selfish note, should I actually live with a television signal ever again and have a DVR attached to it, you know I'll be recording those reality dream wedding shows that will feature ridiculous melodrama of two comet flaming Adonises with too much money than they can count, planning the wedding of the century.
BETTER YET: Make me a movie version of the above, only let it be a comedy stemming from Camp Apatow, and have it star Jonah Hill getting married to the love of his life, Zac Efron. But Zac wouldn't do such a thing to spoil his wholesome boy image (he went to a home Utah Jazz game he's so wholesome). I guess Emil Hirsch would suffice. I'd otherwise say Drake Bell, but that's too easy, and I don't know...he's just goofy enough to be too goofy for the role.
Interesting that this ruling came today, for I briefly spoke to my mom this morning, and the decline letter from my medical insurance application for some reason went to my parents' house, and the reasons for the decline was for the same bullshit reasons that I had paperwork to back up my claims. What assholes. Before we got off the phone, she quickly told me just to apply for Kaiser and then I'll be okay.
No, I won't, because I don't want to sign up for Kaiser.
When I heard news of the decision, two things came to mind: I thought of the people who I know who had to have the loves of their lives go back to the country where they have citizenship because they couldn't manage getting an extended visa or other means of staying in the country, and how wonderful how those people and couples living here getting the opportunity to marry if they want to, as a symbol of their love and dedication to each other.
And of course, the whole getting insurance thing comes to mind.
But really, I'll never do it. I know Nat is very serious about the idea, because she wants me to be taken care of, and should something happen to me, I won't have to worry about getting better just so I could spend the rest of my semi-healthy life paying back all the expenses from not dying, which would probably wind up costing less than what it would take to get better. It's much like the conversation I had with a friend, who had to go back to Germany because her employer at the time decided not to renew her work visa. I was wholeheartedly joking when I told her that she and her boyfriend should get married, and we both laughed, but she abruptly stopped and told me matter-of-factly that she'd never get married for that reason, and would marry for love. I was taken aback, mostly because that was the most stereotypically German I've ever witnessed of her. So back to Germany she went, and eventually she got come back for a bit and spend time with the boyfriend. When she had to go home, and she and her boyfriend already said goodbye, she was already walking towards the gate when he proposed to her. Aww.
So are you kidding me? I hate commitments to begin with, and I couldn't start to imagine what it would be like to fabricate a commitment, particularly one that's done out of convenience and more specifically, something I may not be able to fabricate well.
But back to the actual topic at hand. I'm completely reeling that LOGIC, not preconceived notions and tradition has seized the day.
And on a more selfish note, should I actually live with a television signal ever again and have a DVR attached to it, you know I'll be recording those reality dream wedding shows that will feature ridiculous melodrama of two comet flaming Adonises with too much money than they can count, planning the wedding of the century.
BETTER YET: Make me a movie version of the above, only let it be a comedy stemming from Camp Apatow, and have it star Jonah Hill getting married to the love of his life, Zac Efron. But Zac wouldn't do such a thing to spoil his wholesome boy image (he went to a home Utah Jazz game he's so wholesome). I guess Emil Hirsch would suffice. I'd otherwise say Drake Bell, but that's too easy, and I don't know...he's just goofy enough to be too goofy for the role.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Wheeling and Dealing
It's rather inconvenient that I'm driving A LOT throughout the week while gasoline is at its highest ever. But I find myself driving everywhere nowadays - sometimes I don't mind it, but oftentimes it's a total bear. But living in Los Angeles it's pretty inevitable, especially since I live in (North)East LA, work in the Valley adjacent, have parents in the East San Gabriel Valley, and have friends scattered all about the place. And then there are the things I need to do for work, and for fun, and for it's kind of like work but I do it because I like it too.
Today was rather hectic. I had to meet up with our projectionist who was going to pick up the last part of our set from our show from the venue (we just found out A LOT of our stuff was left there, which was embarrassing for the company), but before that, I had to stick around the office interview a potential intern for the summer. Knowing that I had some time on my side and the fact there was an accident on my regular route to the storage unit since our projectionist was in that traffic, I took a side street down, which worked out for the best because it allowed me to make phone calls I otherwise wouldn't be able to make if I was just at work.
The first call went to my friend who's going to school in Hawaii but is home for the time being. She's been here for two weeks, but haven't spent an earnest amount of time together. We talked about the possibility of hanging out today, provided I'm able to run the errand I needed to before the store I needed to go to closed. After I got the projectionist's 20, I knew I had some time on my hands and a dying battery, so instead of continuing to burn petrol while charging my phone that was dying, I parked myself in a structure as my phone charged, so I'd be able to call my friend about logistics for shooting their tech and dress rehearsals for the next two days. Then it was back to work, and when I failed to make it out of work on time, I still tried making it to the camera store, only to arrive there just as they were turning people away.
That was definitely a bummer, since I burned 12 miles of gas for naught, but in that time, I was able to solidify possible plans to hang out tonight with Hawaii friend, and then I decided to opt for street driving instead of freeway, thinking it would probably be less stressful for me, and it would be much more scenic and enjoyable, as I had the sunset at my back, casting a nice, golden light around me and the jacaranda trees are in full bloom around the city right now.
As much as I'd rather not talk on the phone when I drive, it's like the only real time I can talk to people. I don't get reception at work, and I'm also at work, so I can't do much of that then, and there are very few days out of the week recently where I didn't have someplace to go after work. On those days that I do get to go home, I either get the chance to hang out with my roommate, or I take advantage of the fact that I have time for myself and do nothing.
Life for me right now is definitely a blessing and a curse. I'm rather happy that I'm keeping myself busy with things, and most, if not all of these things are productive and good for me (hanging out with friends/family, taking pictures, seeing things, etc.) but it's starting to infringe on personal time for myself. On the other hand, the doing things alone tends to get old rather quick for me, or I'm just used to doing things with others, I'm not fully able to enjoy myself that way (not that way).
I don't write as much as I'd like; there are so many topics and recollections I'd love to document, and places to review. I don't know how many books I'd love to read right now and perhaps get some inspiration from them. I've got this blanket I'm making, and after that I plan on making a unicorn for the roommate. Then there's taking pictures for myself, which includes my desire to submit to a zine my friend is putting together with a deadline fast approaching, and all I have right now is a good idea but no time, resources, and subjects to execute it. What happened to that 29 day giving challenge? Oh, and I really do want to do that ticket thing.
More than anything, I think I should just get myself a day, a hotel room with a nice, comfy bed, and have some of the best sleep I don't remember having, it's been so long.
Today was rather hectic. I had to meet up with our projectionist who was going to pick up the last part of our set from our show from the venue (we just found out A LOT of our stuff was left there, which was embarrassing for the company), but before that, I had to stick around the office interview a potential intern for the summer. Knowing that I had some time on my side and the fact there was an accident on my regular route to the storage unit since our projectionist was in that traffic, I took a side street down, which worked out for the best because it allowed me to make phone calls I otherwise wouldn't be able to make if I was just at work.
The first call went to my friend who's going to school in Hawaii but is home for the time being. She's been here for two weeks, but haven't spent an earnest amount of time together. We talked about the possibility of hanging out today, provided I'm able to run the errand I needed to before the store I needed to go to closed. After I got the projectionist's 20, I knew I had some time on my hands and a dying battery, so instead of continuing to burn petrol while charging my phone that was dying, I parked myself in a structure as my phone charged, so I'd be able to call my friend about logistics for shooting their tech and dress rehearsals for the next two days. Then it was back to work, and when I failed to make it out of work on time, I still tried making it to the camera store, only to arrive there just as they were turning people away.
That was definitely a bummer, since I burned 12 miles of gas for naught, but in that time, I was able to solidify possible plans to hang out tonight with Hawaii friend, and then I decided to opt for street driving instead of freeway, thinking it would probably be less stressful for me, and it would be much more scenic and enjoyable, as I had the sunset at my back, casting a nice, golden light around me and the jacaranda trees are in full bloom around the city right now.
As much as I'd rather not talk on the phone when I drive, it's like the only real time I can talk to people. I don't get reception at work, and I'm also at work, so I can't do much of that then, and there are very few days out of the week recently where I didn't have someplace to go after work. On those days that I do get to go home, I either get the chance to hang out with my roommate, or I take advantage of the fact that I have time for myself and do nothing.
Life for me right now is definitely a blessing and a curse. I'm rather happy that I'm keeping myself busy with things, and most, if not all of these things are productive and good for me (hanging out with friends/family, taking pictures, seeing things, etc.) but it's starting to infringe on personal time for myself. On the other hand, the doing things alone tends to get old rather quick for me, or I'm just used to doing things with others, I'm not fully able to enjoy myself that way (not that way).
I don't write as much as I'd like; there are so many topics and recollections I'd love to document, and places to review. I don't know how many books I'd love to read right now and perhaps get some inspiration from them. I've got this blanket I'm making, and after that I plan on making a unicorn for the roommate. Then there's taking pictures for myself, which includes my desire to submit to a zine my friend is putting together with a deadline fast approaching, and all I have right now is a good idea but no time, resources, and subjects to execute it. What happened to that 29 day giving challenge? Oh, and I really do want to do that ticket thing.
More than anything, I think I should just get myself a day, a hotel room with a nice, comfy bed, and have some of the best sleep I don't remember having, it's been so long.
Friday, May 9, 2008
Maybe it's Time to Skip Town...*
...as in, the country.
This is the second time in a year I've been denied medical coverage.
I'm currently on a short-term plan, the monthly rate is decent, but it's kind of expensive if I want to do things such as take medications or see my doctor. I've just finished applying on appeal, and I called in today to find out that I was denied (again), and the decision was made today (I called at 1pm or so).
It kind of sucks. Even worse, the woman couldn't tell me why I was declined, and I just have to wait until the decline letters are sent to me in the mail, which they sent off today. I can appeal again, but that will take some time.
In the meantime, I'm overdue with some appointments, and I have meds that I need refilling that can't be done until I go in for a checkup. Even more concerning is that there is a slight possibility I may have something that may be not good in the future, and it needs to be monitored...my not having good insurance will kind of prevent that from happening.
Perhaps I finally need to make good with the promise to myself that if Bush gets re-elected, I'd move to Canada or Germany (even though he's out of office in a few months). Maybe I need a change of pace, anyway. I like British Columbia, and I'm sure I can pick up French pretty well. Maybe I'll head to England...
Or I can just stay here and file for a domestic partnership with my roommate. She's got THE BEST coverage through her union. They cover practically everything, and generic drugs are free! She's been trying to tell me that we should do it, and I tell her that maybe we should! Only, she's actually serious about it, and I'm not really.
...It shouldn't be hard to find some aspiring actor who happens to be Canadian and is having Visa issues, right? Maybe I need to make a gay, Canadian best friend who has found the love of his life but can't find a way to stay here and needs a gal to pretend he's in love with and get married so we can milk a dual citizenship.
Or I should just move there. Life would be fun...if I happen to be bored one day, I can just go to the doctor's and just some test done, like get my wrist x-rayed just to see how hairline fractured my wrist still is and junk...
*But I really need to leave this place, the sooner the better. I was thinking it would be great to leave as soon as my birthday weekend, but it seems that others have events that I guess I should be nice and attend...
This is the second time in a year I've been denied medical coverage.
I'm currently on a short-term plan, the monthly rate is decent, but it's kind of expensive if I want to do things such as take medications or see my doctor. I've just finished applying on appeal, and I called in today to find out that I was denied (again), and the decision was made today (I called at 1pm or so).
It kind of sucks. Even worse, the woman couldn't tell me why I was declined, and I just have to wait until the decline letters are sent to me in the mail, which they sent off today. I can appeal again, but that will take some time.
In the meantime, I'm overdue with some appointments, and I have meds that I need refilling that can't be done until I go in for a checkup. Even more concerning is that there is a slight possibility I may have something that may be not good in the future, and it needs to be monitored...my not having good insurance will kind of prevent that from happening.
Perhaps I finally need to make good with the promise to myself that if Bush gets re-elected, I'd move to Canada or Germany (even though he's out of office in a few months). Maybe I need a change of pace, anyway. I like British Columbia, and I'm sure I can pick up French pretty well. Maybe I'll head to England...
Or I can just stay here and file for a domestic partnership with my roommate. She's got THE BEST coverage through her union. They cover practically everything, and generic drugs are free! She's been trying to tell me that we should do it, and I tell her that maybe we should! Only, she's actually serious about it, and I'm not really.
...It shouldn't be hard to find some aspiring actor who happens to be Canadian and is having Visa issues, right? Maybe I need to make a gay, Canadian best friend who has found the love of his life but can't find a way to stay here and needs a gal to pretend he's in love with and get married so we can milk a dual citizenship.
Or I should just move there. Life would be fun...if I happen to be bored one day, I can just go to the doctor's and just some test done, like get my wrist x-rayed just to see how hairline fractured my wrist still is and junk...
*But I really need to leave this place, the sooner the better. I was thinking it would be great to leave as soon as my birthday weekend, but it seems that others have events that I guess I should be nice and attend...
Friday, May 2, 2008
Voyeurism at its Finest
Even though our set/lighting designer is not too keen on our using his plans for it, I've designed our next show's "program"/ticket from the plans for the frame construction. I removed the notes and dimensions from the plans, and the quality of the images aren't too sharp when printed since I took them from a PDF and spliced them as a Bitmap in MS Paint, then threw everything together in Photoshop since Illustrator refuses to install on this compy. I have to find a better install disc.
I'm pretty happy with it, since Heidi wanted to have some sort of program for the show (people like that) and the thought of making some plain leaflet would be boring, especially since this is the first performance and we don't have images from the show. I initially thought that since we are treating this like a gallery piece and providing a gallery-like reception for this show, it would be cool to mock up one of those pieces of paper one gets in some exhibits that lists all the artwork based off a layout of the room. The top portion gives the audience member their time reservation, much like museums that have time reservations to see an exhibit. I could have figured something out a little more like that, but the frame plans were easier for me to access, and Heidi liked the idea.
I hope I can actually get a chance to see the show this time around. I got to see bits and pieces of the last one, but I really want to see this one. Driving to Culver City and all these places, getting in trouble with parking managers and restaurant managers, and basically trying to defy the Law of Murphy for this production, I think I deserve just that.
I'm just glad everything has fallen into place...last minute.
Thursday, April 10, 2008
My Dumb Luck Strikes Again
Like I have mentioned before, I feel as though I've been put on this earth just to see how badly I can mess up my life. Unfortunately for my fate, I usually have some pretty powerful, but dumb luck on my side.
Last night was another testament to that.
I thought, well, how bad would having 4 drinks in a span of 3-4 hours hurt? Well, if two of them had gin, my abusive lover that I can't seem to leave and we were making the drinks ourselves, you knew that all spells trouble at every angle you looked at it.
The evening was great, and I tried to be good not to drink beyond the drinks allotted to me (albeit all being very strong drinks). Add to the mix I came straight from work and only had some uninspired hours d'oeuvres to start and not so substantial (mostly good) nibbles during the event. The fries were helpful and tasty, but the damage was already done.
I knew I shouldn't have driven home, especially after all the drunk text messaging, half of which I don't remember sending, and cannot recall receiving (since I seemed to have deleted every other one). From the ones that remain, the message of "BE SAFE!," "Get a ride home" or "Please be safe" was a constant. I knew I should have stayed in my car and waited it out when I spent who knows how long tearing through my things, trying to find my KCRW card and my card holder that had my credit card and ATM card. I was sitting in the driver's seat, tossing things to the floor, going crazy, and even got out of the car at some point to go back into the restaurant to see if it was there, only to glance into the back window to see the thing sitting on the floor in the back. How it got there, I don't know, and how I managed to get money out to pay for my parking, drive from Santa Monica back to Lincoln Heights, park and lock the car, remove the contacts and fall asleep with my laptop by my side after a failed attempt to check email/etc. is beyond me. Even more surprising is that almost everything that was in my bag was placed back where they should have been, save a pair of shoes and my just in case zip up shopping bag and checkbook, which remained on the floor of my front passenger seat.
I woke up slightly cold with my glasses still on, fully dressed, and my laptop at the crook of my arm, which fell asleep, or perhaps I put it to sleep without my recollection. My whole being was very much in pain, too.
If course, I guess I shouldn't complain, because the pain was all my doing, and my icky feelingness is a pale comparison of what kind of pain I would be feeling (or not feeling) had I not been so lucky driving home in the condition and gotten into an accident.
It seems like I have one of these incidents once a year. One of those nights where I don't really have the agenda to get really smashed but do anyway and manage to make it home and wake up amazed that I'm waking up in bed, mostly all there.
But it's such a selfish thing for me to do. What if I did get into an accident? How would the people I just parted company feel? What would my loved ones think knowing I was out there like that? What if the drivers around me know I was in that condition? What if I caught the attention of Highway Patrol? It's a quick 10 minute drive from SaMo to Lincoln Heights at that hour, and traffic is pretty light, but 12 miles is a lot of distance of liability.
Sometimes I get pretty selfish and self-destructive. That's a very tragic flaw, which I hope one day does not become a fatal flaw.
A much-missed casualty of the night: My DS stylus. Good thing I have a spare, and it may be somewhere in my car missing from another instance it fell out of my purse.
Last night was another testament to that.
I thought, well, how bad would having 4 drinks in a span of 3-4 hours hurt? Well, if two of them had gin, my abusive lover that I can't seem to leave and we were making the drinks ourselves, you knew that all spells trouble at every angle you looked at it.
The evening was great, and I tried to be good not to drink beyond the drinks allotted to me (albeit all being very strong drinks). Add to the mix I came straight from work and only had some uninspired hours d'oeuvres to start and not so substantial (mostly good) nibbles during the event. The fries were helpful and tasty, but the damage was already done.
I knew I shouldn't have driven home, especially after all the drunk text messaging, half of which I don't remember sending, and cannot recall receiving (since I seemed to have deleted every other one). From the ones that remain, the message of "BE SAFE!," "Get a ride home" or "Please be safe" was a constant. I knew I should have stayed in my car and waited it out when I spent who knows how long tearing through my things, trying to find my KCRW card and my card holder that had my credit card and ATM card. I was sitting in the driver's seat, tossing things to the floor, going crazy, and even got out of the car at some point to go back into the restaurant to see if it was there, only to glance into the back window to see the thing sitting on the floor in the back. How it got there, I don't know, and how I managed to get money out to pay for my parking, drive from Santa Monica back to Lincoln Heights, park and lock the car, remove the contacts and fall asleep with my laptop by my side after a failed attempt to check email/etc. is beyond me. Even more surprising is that almost everything that was in my bag was placed back where they should have been, save a pair of shoes and my just in case zip up shopping bag and checkbook, which remained on the floor of my front passenger seat.
I woke up slightly cold with my glasses still on, fully dressed, and my laptop at the crook of my arm, which fell asleep, or perhaps I put it to sleep without my recollection. My whole being was very much in pain, too.
If course, I guess I shouldn't complain, because the pain was all my doing, and my icky feelingness is a pale comparison of what kind of pain I would be feeling (or not feeling) had I not been so lucky driving home in the condition and gotten into an accident.
It seems like I have one of these incidents once a year. One of those nights where I don't really have the agenda to get really smashed but do anyway and manage to make it home and wake up amazed that I'm waking up in bed, mostly all there.
But it's such a selfish thing for me to do. What if I did get into an accident? How would the people I just parted company feel? What would my loved ones think knowing I was out there like that? What if the drivers around me know I was in that condition? What if I caught the attention of Highway Patrol? It's a quick 10 minute drive from SaMo to Lincoln Heights at that hour, and traffic is pretty light, but 12 miles is a lot of distance of liability.
Sometimes I get pretty selfish and self-destructive. That's a very tragic flaw, which I hope one day does not become a fatal flaw.
A much-missed casualty of the night: My DS stylus. Good thing I have a spare, and it may be somewhere in my car missing from another instance it fell out of my purse.
Monday, April 7, 2008
Contributing to Society
Despite the naysayers out there, I did file for taxes today. I am officially a contributing member of society in that old-fashioned sense.
The timing couldn't be more perfect. I had checked my PO box this weekend to get a letter from KCRW to give me a breakdown of my contributions to them and the face value of the premium that I received (because I had no idea). I was glad to include that in my return, not completely expecting to get more money back from my year's charitable contributions, which I didn't. Amidst my complete inability to do math correctly, this year's contributions were not enough to constitute getting the bigger deductible since I file as single. That's not to say I shouldn't have contributed to what I did in the first place, because I got a lot out of them, knowing I've helped fund research and services for those in need, I gained membership and access to The Huntington and KCRW things, and I even got myself a date, which I haven't even officially gone out on to this day (because yes, I do have to pay money to go out on dates, whether or not I actually go out on them).
This year I filed online, thanks in part of the fact that my AGI was low enough that I could file online for free. That's a very convenient yet kind of depressing thing to know. Then again, I could technically apply for welfare with the kind of money I've made in the past two years, but it never dawned on me I could have saved the $40+ I spent on tax filing software just so I could get my return. This year, it only cost me $9.95, since I had to pay for the e-filing of my state return, and I didn't mind doing that, as all my info from my federal return was transferred over, and since I wound up getting a pretty substantial return from State this year, I thought it would be worth it.
Aside from the fact that filing a return is only 9 days away, I can chalk up another point in timing, because based on my e-file and direct deposit return status, I should be getting my money plus my next paycheck on the same day. That will make me feel better, since I was feeling a little poor this weekend after just getting my packcheck just a few days ago and remembering I had a car insurance payment this month, on top of my regular car payment. It's not that I'm broke, but after going to Hawaii and being unemployed prior to that, it is taking me longer to recover from basically having no income for a while. My savings is slowly getting up there, but I'm sure that I can definitely be a little smarter on my spending (mostly eating out and food, as I really haven't bought anything excessive for myself in a while). I owe one person a substantial amount of money and am a bit embarrassed to have not payed that debt back yet, but I really do hope with this return, I can take care of that (especially considering my Federal return can easily take care of that.
On top of that, I've qualified to get the $600 that the Government is giving away to people to help stimulate the economy. Instead of my stimulating the economy with that money, I'm taking my State refund and my $600 and put it in my account to pay for two months' worth of car payments. As Blog as my witness, I'm going to allocate this money to things I need to take care of before I start thinking I have more money to burn at this time.
At least I'm getting paid fairly well nowadays, and after my probationary period is over, I'll be getting paid more. Even with that, there's a possibility I'll be able to file online for free once again since I didn't start working at the beginning of this month, and that I've been getting paid the probationary pay for the past couple of months.
Even though I've never reached the point of destitution as I almost did back in 2004 before landing my job at FIDM, I still consider myself broke when I have a low amount of money saved in my account, and having money to help pay for my debts will help me actually save some money from my paycheck, so that I won't be so worried about things and not feel like I'm scraping by anymore.
It will be a good day once I feel as though I'm no longer on "Survival Mode."
The timing couldn't be more perfect. I had checked my PO box this weekend to get a letter from KCRW to give me a breakdown of my contributions to them and the face value of the premium that I received (because I had no idea). I was glad to include that in my return, not completely expecting to get more money back from my year's charitable contributions, which I didn't. Amidst my complete inability to do math correctly, this year's contributions were not enough to constitute getting the bigger deductible since I file as single. That's not to say I shouldn't have contributed to what I did in the first place, because I got a lot out of them, knowing I've helped fund research and services for those in need, I gained membership and access to The Huntington and KCRW things, and I even got myself a date, which I haven't even officially gone out on to this day (because yes, I do have to pay money to go out on dates, whether or not I actually go out on them).
This year I filed online, thanks in part of the fact that my AGI was low enough that I could file online for free. That's a very convenient yet kind of depressing thing to know. Then again, I could technically apply for welfare with the kind of money I've made in the past two years, but it never dawned on me I could have saved the $40+ I spent on tax filing software just so I could get my return. This year, it only cost me $9.95, since I had to pay for the e-filing of my state return, and I didn't mind doing that, as all my info from my federal return was transferred over, and since I wound up getting a pretty substantial return from State this year, I thought it would be worth it.
Aside from the fact that filing a return is only 9 days away, I can chalk up another point in timing, because based on my e-file and direct deposit return status, I should be getting my money plus my next paycheck on the same day. That will make me feel better, since I was feeling a little poor this weekend after just getting my packcheck just a few days ago and remembering I had a car insurance payment this month, on top of my regular car payment. It's not that I'm broke, but after going to Hawaii and being unemployed prior to that, it is taking me longer to recover from basically having no income for a while. My savings is slowly getting up there, but I'm sure that I can definitely be a little smarter on my spending (mostly eating out and food, as I really haven't bought anything excessive for myself in a while). I owe one person a substantial amount of money and am a bit embarrassed to have not payed that debt back yet, but I really do hope with this return, I can take care of that (especially considering my Federal return can easily take care of that.
On top of that, I've qualified to get the $600 that the Government is giving away to people to help stimulate the economy. Instead of my stimulating the economy with that money, I'm taking my State refund and my $600 and put it in my account to pay for two months' worth of car payments. As Blog as my witness, I'm going to allocate this money to things I need to take care of before I start thinking I have more money to burn at this time.
At least I'm getting paid fairly well nowadays, and after my probationary period is over, I'll be getting paid more. Even with that, there's a possibility I'll be able to file online for free once again since I didn't start working at the beginning of this month, and that I've been getting paid the probationary pay for the past couple of months.
Even though I've never reached the point of destitution as I almost did back in 2004 before landing my job at FIDM, I still consider myself broke when I have a low amount of money saved in my account, and having money to help pay for my debts will help me actually save some money from my paycheck, so that I won't be so worried about things and not feel like I'm scraping by anymore.
It will be a good day once I feel as though I'm no longer on "Survival Mode."
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