Summer Wishlist 2008

I want to be responsible for someone falling in love with something they otherwise would have never given the time of day.

I want to see the sun rise and the sun set in the presence of a very large body of water. I'd prefer it to be an ocean, no matter what coast it faces.

I want to go to the First Cabin early and get the best seat in the house, finish my first Long Island iced tea before Pat O'Brien and the Priests of Love rock out, be responsible for at least two requests, and void all apprehensions of the change of ownership that nothing will change and Captain Bob will still be at the Helm.

I want to spend several days at a time wearing my bathing suit underneath my clothes so I can go swimming at the drop of a hat.

I want to see a movie that I truly, truly love on the big, big screen.

I want to stay up all night, with good company, all the while not even taking one blink of sleepiness.

I want to be able to talk and talk and talk about nothing and everything all at once, dreams and disappointments, kittens and grandmothers all alike.

I want to spend a day where I don't know or have to care what time it is, and where I have to be next.

I want to spend more time outside.

I want to challenge myself and see how much fried catfish I can eat before I feel like puking, one Tuesday or Thursday night.

I want to wear the summer dresses that didn't get to come out last year.

I want to take a train, plane, or automobile somewhere, ideally to a destination further than an In-N-Out burger can be served.

I want to get so drunk, I play a mean game of pool. And/or make BFFs with someone I despise.

I want a nice tan.

I want to make summer somen noodles with the sauce made from scratch, and serve it with all the fixins, with the noodles on ice.

I want to laugh so hard, I use up all the oxygen in the room.

This year feels like a good year for camping.

I want crazy long video gaming marathon (with others).

I want to actually watch the Olympics.

Although I don't like breaking the law, I want do try defying gravity.

I want to get lost with no worry for my safety or of whether I will still be alive in the next few hours.

BBQ

I want to sleep in...like, really, really sleep in.

I want to look to the heavens and watch it raining stars.

I want to feel like I'm making a difference somehow.

I want to spend an entire day inside watching movie after movie, and eating tons of popcorn.

I want to read a book.


Perhaps the most realistic thing I should have as my number one is to go to the 99 Cent store and get myself a headset for my cell phone.

One of Those

You know...it's one of those weeks where everything's just off.

I've had a million things to do and take care of in the past few days, my internal clock is all out of whack, and I'm half-expecting to wake up in the morning to think that it should be Saturday already with all the work I've been doing this week. It's crazy to think that even with the assistance of an intern, there just isn't enough hours in the day to get everything done. Coming into work on Tuesday had me FREAKED out, because I had so much to do, yet had so much more I still needed to take care of, I was just dizzy thinking that I only had two more days left to do things. I thought it was already Thursday. I guess in a way it's a good thing, because it really forces me to crank out everything I need to get done so I can move onto the next thing, and I've really been getting that stuff out there and fast. I've caught myself a few times just taking a moment to sit back and realize what I'm doing, and by the end of the day, I'm just brain dead.

Sadly enough, right now I have no time to allow myself to veg out after punching out.

I've got my own things to take care of, been doing a lot of writing, including helping out my boss' housekeeper write an appeal for her son who just graduated from elementary school, and is not allowed to enroll in the middle school in the same district that he's been in (the one closest to work). I'm volunteering for an event Saturday morning, and have yet to set aside a bunch of clothes I no longer want for this clothes swap event. After that, I have to work at my job's latest performance. On top of that, I'm organizing games for a baby shower on Sunday, and have yet to buy all the materials needed for those games.

At least I've been good at remembering most things. Usually during times like this, I get blatantly absent minded, like turn on my headlights during the day, or trying to get out of the car without unfastening my seat belt, or almost leaving the house without shoes.

One thing I've done with that so far is put on my underwear inside out today. I didn't realize that until I went to the restroom later in the day.

The worst is when I make bad decisions based on appetite and that time of the month. Having not eaten meat for most of the week, I had a sudden hankering for the stuff. At first, I thought to get carne asada fries, which I've never had before, and through the course of time, it somehow dwindled down to Carl's Jr., where I decided to get one of my usual spicy chicken sandwiches, and out of curiosity, I dropped the $3.09 for their version of the chili cheese fries.



It takes a lot for me to pay about $0.50 more for something that's not Tommy's chili cheese fries, but I figured, I might as well try it now before I try it in absolute chili cheese fries desperation moment and become utterly disappointed in them. Of course, the picture of them looked good, and when I got the bag of food, it smelled like it was made with real beef, but when I got it home and opened the container, I got the biggest disappointment in my life.

Did you see the fries that girl in the commercial was having? Yeah, I was NOT having that. It had a lot of cheese, and what little "chili" they had looked pale for chili and had such a small amount of the stuff in the nest of skinny fries. The fries themselves were probably the saving grace, since they were skinny and seemed baked, and were tasty on their own. But dropping $3 on what's suppose to be chili cheese fries is a downright scam.

Summer's in full swing, but I didn't expect it to be so CRAZY.

There's one good thing about things being crazy right now, it makes you look forward for the time when things won't be as crazy. I do intend to have a fun summer this time around, even though mine last year actually wasn't as bad as I thought (Though it had its rough spots).

I've Got My Mind on My Money and Money on My Mind

It's pretty crazy to think that I find it novel that I'm actually saving money.

That's not to say that in the past year and change, I was blowing each paycheck on superfluous things and lived from paycheck from paycheck. In fact, it was a bit of the opposite: even when I started working more hours just over a year ago, I still wound up tapping bit by bit into my savings just to get by. I did have medical insurance, because my work actually arranged it to have all employees to have insurance, but my more hours per week job was so demanding and crazy, it really wasn't quite worth it. That job caused so much irreparable damage to so many things in my life, it's got me rather jaded to the point that even now, I'm very apprehensive on how I react to and talk about work now.

Now, I actually have a job that pays me fairly well. After taking paycut after paycut for the sake of doing things that I feel like was worthwhile, I was finally being paid a livable wage...the wage I actually was making when I left my first job. Those were good times, because that was a point in my life when I had a lot of money saved up enough that I managed to quit my job and remained jobless for six months before picking up some part time work just to get by; two of those months included my stomping around New York City, which actually has a higher cost of living than where I'm used to. Back then, I didn't have a car to pay off (I just bought one off my cousin), or had to pay for rent. Nevertheless, being paid what I made three years ago was a drastic improvement from before.

Now that I'm past my probation period, I'm getting paid an extra 20% from that, and it's just amazing that even with all my bills and whatnot, I'm able to save money. I've even paid off my personal debts. I've lent somewhat substantial amounts of money. I've weathered May, which is usually a high-spending month, and June is almost over with its usual high degree of spending well. Even so, my savings is slowly creeping up, and it makes me happy.

They say that your savings should be enough to cover you for six months should anything happen. After dealing with what I've had to deal with for the past three years, I've now learned that even though there's money in the bank doesn't mean I can just throw it around. And I haven't. I don't really buy new clothes; I get something new every now and then on a sale, or when my mom gets me something (not that I really need more clothes right now...well, I do, possibly, pending certain things). So far I've only bought one game for my Nintendo DS (the other two were presents), and I bought one game for a console I don't even own. When I do need/want something, I first refer to Freecycle or Craigslist to see if someone no longer wants theirs. In all, I've been pretty good.

In all honesty, though, I do miss doing things what people who have money can do. I miss being able to burn money on film and developing. It's a blessing and a curse I've been working in casual wear offices so I don't have to have "nice" clothes, but I do miss the feeling of gussying up for work every now and then. I haven't been to Coachella in two years, in the past 18 months I've only been to Disneyland once. Most missed of all, I haven't really traveled since 2005. I was making good work going to some far-off land every year for a while: One year was Germany. Year after that was broader Europe. After that was NYC for almost two months. The last thing that resembled a trip for me was when I flew to Las Vegas for the first time to go to a weekend festival there.

I've been so entrenched in survival mode, I've lost sight of the things I really enjoy doing, even though a good deal of them costs a bit of money. Now that it's becoming more and more feasible for me to start with those things again, I'm getting itchy. Still, I revel with every paycheck that allows me to save even more, but the more I save, the more I want to just take that and go away for a while.

Whatever I do wind up doing, please help me in making sure that I don't wind up blowing my money on a plane ticket to Berlin and a course to get my certification to teach English abroad.

Ich Bin Geliebt.

Yesterday was a beautifully odd day.

Things that everyone must do:

Go see the Kara Walker Exhibit at the Hammer. It's there through June 8. I can get into it in greater detail at a later date, but what I can say now is that it is absolutely breathtaking. I can easily say that the images of her cutouts, drawings, paintings, and projections has to be seen in person. I didn't even have the time to go into the video gallery. In addition to going to see Kara Walker, everyone has to tell me when you're going, because I definitely need to go again and see what I missed.

Eat Peruvian food. Take people who've never eaten Peruvian food to eat Peruvian food.

Things I must do:

Send thank yous.

I already got my spare stylus, and I'm ready to play my new DS game: Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney - Justice for All. Never would I have thought I'd be playing an attorney video game, but after helping my friend play the demo if its sequel during the super geek out DS demo download session, the format is pretty fun. One can easily say...OBSESSION!



Needless to say, the checkbook has been removed and has been replaced with the DS and a brand new organza bag of games the only holds two games, not including the one loaded into the DS. Let's just hope that this one isn't lost.

Immer Gruener

I had a very special lunch packed for me. It contained two small quesadillas (which I had for breakfast), two quarter pieces of BBQ con on the cob, a Louisiana hot link on a bun, a bag of edamame, and four Trader Joe's Cookies with Perks (though that was a serious letdown: the "perks" were espresso and dark chocolate. Okay, it certainly is "perky," but I was hoping for something more along the lines of Medical Insurance/Dental, maybe 401k matching). I decided to have the hot link and both corn pieces for lunch today, and when I went to the kitchen to eat my yummy meal, I saw that my boss' housekeeper made herself some basic Maruchan chicken flavored ramen, and she added Choulula and lemon juice.

I instantly became jealous. That's not to say that I didn't enjoy my meal, because I did...A LOT, but man, some ramen looked mighty good right then.

Then again, I can't complain, because my meal was packed in this little number:

Still, you know how the saying goes...

Speaking of which, it's pretty nice being on this side, rather than that side anymore. Outlook seems brighter, I feel freer (it doesn't help that I'm wearing a skirt today), and I have hopes that I can actually sleep well again. I feel like a gigantic burden was removed from my back (because one basically has). I can't wait for Wednesday/Thursday, and I'm super anxious to see if things turned out okay.

(Not so) Wide World of (LA) Sports

Amidst all the things I've had to do this week (actually, there was only one thing I had to do this week, and never really got the chance to do it, but it didn't mean I wasn't there trying...all week), I was pretty sad that I'd be missing out on what's been going on with the teams that I care about.

I was able to catch a glimpse of the Dodgers/Milwaukee game on Tuesday, but at that time, things were looking bleak for the boys in blue, and I couldn't really pay attention, for it was better I paid better attention to the company I was keeping since I didn't know when I'd see them next. Except my roommate, who was watching the game.

More importantly, I missed the Lakers game on Wednesday. I knew they were going to win, since they were coming home and they must have gotten fired up enough after losing two games in a row to not give the Jazz the lead.

But yesterday was a tough one for me. Not only was it the very important game 6 for the Lakers-Jazz series, where a Lakers victory would put them in the semi-fimals, but it was also the first game of the freeway series for the Dodgers and Angels. I really wanted to go to one game from the freeway series this year, since I never have, and cheer my Dodgers on to victory while at the same time continue to heckle Brett Tomko, who is now on the Angels and it's a little more justifiable to give him a hard time.

I really wanted to set my "free day" from the show for Friday, but after telling some friends about the show (whose opening night went great, though mistakes were made as only the ones who made the show could notice), one actually expressed interest and wanted to go on Friday, and I wasn't about to go on a separate night, particularly since I haven't seen her in months. Thank most things male for fiancees and boyfriends, who even though were wrangled lovingly and willingly volunteered for the show, got score updates on their phones. I got to find out that the Cavs won to push the series to game 7 (go Ohio!) and that Lakers were leading by almost 20 at the half.

I was excited to hear that news as we were leaving the reception, and had I been more coherent, I would have made my friend come with me to the brewery down the street just to see the rest of the game. But instead, I just drove us back to my place, where she went straight home after her really rough day (woke too early at 9am still drunk from the night before, called me at the beach about an hour later, and went into work at 2, colored some tiles and got off work early at 6 to make the show). I could have driven back to some bar or walked down the street where they may have had the game, but I did the same thing I've done every night upon going home: passed out in my clothes with the lights on.

I'm sad to see that the Dodgers have lost three of the last 5 games they've played, and that they lost their first game against the Angeles. I think I need to make arrangements to that I can watch game two today in an appropriate setting.

EXCUSES

I'm really hungry right now, and should I want to be a bit more responsible and get a better idea of what I'll be shooting a lot of this week, I should head down to Santa Monica (ugh, far) to see a rehearsal and possibly shoot.

But I do need to check my mail to get that denial of coverage letter from Blue Shield as well as pick up pictures I shot yesterday at rehearsal. And since I am in that neighborhood, I should wish my sister a happy birthday, and help celebrate by staying a bit and playing her birthday present...Mario Kart Wii.

Better yet, I want to go home and sleep.

I'm Kind of Into Sports.

I called my friend who goes to school in Hawaii so we could try hanging out while she's here. Aside from the fact that she was so great in helping me out for work on Saturday, I thought it would be nice to hang out and just chill.

This conversation happened yesterday afternoon:
Me: We need to hang out!
Her: Yeah, totally. What are you doing this week?
Me: Well, if you were at all interested, Natilie and I were thinking about going to Hooters in Burbank to get hot wings and watch the Dodgers game, and then tomorrow I'm going to the Dodgers game...Wednesday, I guess we can hang out? Oh, but I'll just visit my family because I haven't seen them in a while and I can watch the Lakers game there, and then I'm going to hang out with my friend who's going to be out of town for a while on Thursday, and Friday is a Lakers game.
[off topic conversation regarding her needing to write a paper, she has no car and is in Long Beach, which is convenient for her]
Her: Wow, I never realized that you were so into sports...
Me: I guess I am, kinda.

She's not too into sports, or at all. There have been many a-time where she's ranted about sports, and never really mentioned my take on it.

Once Natilie and I get to Hooters, we ask to be sat in the TV area where they have a few flat screens and some "tubes" playing different games. Of course, it's fiesta time in there since it was Cinco de Mayo, and they were blasting some mariachi music, which they finally and thankfully turned off. I was also happy that on one of the smaller TVs, I could see the NBA Spurs-Hornets game, and was even happier when after some time, they switched the game to one of the big TVs, right next to the Dodgers game.

Me: Ohhhhhh, thank you! But man...now I don't know....which one do I watch?
Nat: Too bad you can't devote one eye to each!

That was tough. But it was okay, since the Hornets were spanking the Spurs, there wasn't much to worry about. Then again, I could have said the same for the Dodgers against the Mets.

And yay, the teams I was rooting for won!

As I mentioned earlier, I'm going to eat-all-I-can popcorn, peanuts and Dodger Dogs while the Dodgers better beat the Mets tonight, and I cannot miss the second of the Lakers-Jazz series since I missed game one on Sunday. I don't care that much for other teams for the playoffs, so I'm safe for Thursday, but I have actually told people with whom I've been planning to hang out, that we can hang out pending the Lakers schedule, unless they actually want to watch the game as well.

Some people associate May with stressing over finals and the end of the school year, I associate May with gloomy days, tests, and the now even more drawn out NBA playoffs.

Running on Empty

So not cool.

Had soup for breakfast: Veggie broth, egg drop and a whole mess of spinach, and after that, I had a can of Pepsi that I found in my car when I was helping load our frame/set from the show into our storage unit on the Westside, and when I returned here, worked a bit and realized I needed food, so I went for my meal of beans and an apple, only to find that I was without the can of beans. So I had apple and now I'm feeling a bit loopy. Theoretically, I can try to snag a bite of food the housekeeper prepared for dinner here, but they're having guests over, and that's not cool.

I may leave soon to now...drive home, make my roommate drive us to dinner, where we plan on having hot wings and baseball game for the night.

I'm also getting very itchy with my photographic resources as of late. It just takes a tiny crack to break the dam, and that has definitely happened. With the looming job of shooting my friends for their company's first proper production, I'm starting to get myself in the habit of taking pictures again, but it's a bit frustrating to know I'm very limited in what I can do right now. The cheapest and easiest way to get things done is to shoot 35mm C41 and get the film processed and scanned at a place like Target next day. But it's inevitable I'm going to start shooting in proper black and white again, and more importantly, in 120mm. That means more money and not-so convenient access to services.

Even more exciting/frustrating is the fact that opportunities to scratch this photographic itch is all of a sudden coming my way, and I have plenty of ideas and concepts I'd love to execute and submit...only, I envision these things to happen in black and white, on 120 film. Not only that, I'd want to go in the darkroom myself and go through the painstaking process of printing, so I can scan it and send it off. Yes, I can just get the negative scanned and do the Photoshop digital darkroom, but I'm not very good at photo manipulation digitally as I am the old-fashioned way. Plus, it would be sooooooooo satisfying for me to do that again.

I just have to accept the fact I'm going to have to shell out the money to rent time in a darkroom (thankfully there is one close to my house), because all the classes I'd consider taking just to use a darkroom won't start soon enough or are too far away. Of course, I could always buck up and figure out how to convert my bathroom to become a after-hours darkroom, but that will take up a lot of time and logistics and money, all of which I don't have much of right now, especially if I want to whip something up as soon as a few weeks from today and next month.

At the very least, all this frustration and opportunities are firing me up. Things are slowly getting set into place. I'm pretty sure that I'm going to make some of these things happen.

Dream vs. Reality

Dream: Chicken. Like fried chicken, buffalo wings, even a chicken soft taco from Del Taco.

Reality: Refried beans and rice at home.

Carbon Stomin' 2008

Of course it happens to me: On Earth Day, a year when LA has a Car-Free Day, I'll be driving around like a maniac.

I'm going to have to brave horrid 10 Freeway traffic to get to Culver City tomorrow at 8:45, and then I get to take the 405 all the way up to work afterwards. So while people will be totally good to the earth and riding around on their bikes, listening to Michael Franti play acoustic for the green people, I'll be spurting the carbon monox' and cursing the day I was born.

No, I shouldn't be that bad. After all, tomorrow's the 22nd, and 22nds happen to be my favorite day of the months, speaking of day I was born...( :) :( ?)

Either way, if you have the opportunity, tomorrow's Earth Day! Hooray! Go to The Armory Center for the Arts for a "green" talk! Take your bike to work or use public transportation! Don't just recycle, try reusing things, or even better, reduce your need for disposable things (I'm absolutely tickled that I have friends who primarily eat on paper plates, which at first made me sad, until I realized they wash them to use them again! Hooray!) and the landfills and the rubbish that goes with it will be happy with you.

And if you have the time and the means to get there (car-free):

Go here. Cause I can't. :(

More Happy Things for Today.

I'm probably going to wear slippers for the rest of the week. I'm sure that I could wear them anytime I want, my boss wouldn't mind, but I feel like I should have SOME feeling of professionalism in some way. My boss is out for the rest of the week, and with it being warm again, my aversion to socks in this weather is definitely kicking in, and I want my feet to be free!

I'm going to Monrovia to get the PS2 (you're properly warned if you're reading this, Buddy). Not that it's being used right now anyway, not even as a DVD player at home. I would very much like to get some Katmari Damacy action ASAP, and having at home may mean I spend more time at home aside from when I'm sleeping. I just think it's wonderful that once I get the PS2 at my place, there will be a PS2 at/with the places/people with whom I've been spending a good amount of time! I have game, will definitely travel.

I told myself that I wouldn't do this, but I must. I was just checking traffic on Google Maps to see if my drive over to M-town would be bad at all, and is actually a better drive there than going home (because of the Dodgers game). I will probably forfeit parking on the non sweeping side for tomorrow morning, but at least I can go get my car wash, get cheaper gas, pet kitties and get PS2 there. But why am I sad with all that? Looking at the map really puts into perspective how far M-town is far...from a lot.

Things That Make Me Happy Today.

I've got bangs!
I mean, I already had bangs, but they were really long and did the whole wisp to the side deal. I like that style sometimes, but the novelty of that sure wears off fast (especially when I'm not lazy and I notice my bangs get that long). I don't know what I would like to do with my funky-looking growing out haircut, but after some thought, seeing pictures where my bangs are totally in my face and makes me look even sillier than I usually do, I made the decision to chop them off last night when looking at people who had bangs similar to mine. I suppose we could have started the Bangs in Your Face Club, but I don't want in on that.

I would have done it last night, but I was so tired, and just passed out when I finally got home. So I did it after my shower this morning. I just stepped out, dried the bangs a bit, took the comb I already had set at the sink, gathered my super long bangs, twisted them together and lopped them off. Doing that creates bangs that frame your face pretty well, with the sides being longer than the middle. Depending on how you twirl it, one side will be gradually get longer than the other, so you'd have to do some simple snipping to even them out.

They don't look exactly great right now, but I can at least work with them. Coincidentally, my boss' housekeeper cut herself some bangs this weekend, and I'm jealous hers are thicker and of the short, straight variety.

I've got art!
I was completely caught off guard when I was told that [one of] my birthday present[s] were already purchased. Then again, I had it coming, because the nosy side of me was being totally super inquisitive and was asking of people's whereabouts where one doesn't usually hangs around. And then I was asked if I wanted my present now, I said I really didn't unless he wanted to give it to me then. After a bit of wavering and a dash to the car, I was presented with something very cool surrounded by bubble wrap:


click on the painting for more information on the artist and piece itself

I love this painting! It's so cute and funny...and awkward. It didn't take long for me to remove it from its wrapping and find a place to hang it up. It's currently in the kitchen/dining room, where I think is an appropriate place to put it (if not for the fact that it would get messed up there, I'd totally want to put it over the stove). But really, I'd rather have it in my room, so I can look at it a lot more there.

I've got Lo-Fi!
When I came into work today, I saw those bastards DWP workers doing their thing next door. They had told us last time they were there here that they'd be shutting off the power for a couple of hours, but they'd let us know ahead of time right before they would. They never did, which was good, because we got a lot of work done. Too bad they had told my boss' husband that they'd be shutting off the power when my boss wasn't here, then didn't warn us about shutting it off when they did, which resulted in working on things and sending emails to be completely lost. The hour they said we'd be down was much longer, but in that time, we were able to get a good amount of work done, including looking for important phone numbers and proper wording for documents. Something has to be said about keeping a hard copy of documents filed away somewhere...yes, it uses up paper, but it sometimes saves sanity.

I don't know what compels me to share, but there are some things and thoughts that really are making smile today. Maybe it partly has to do with the fact that today is a very stressful and anxious day for me. Don't get me started on the things that are making me frustrated right now, because there are a lot, but I would like to try on focusing on these positives right now.

Another thing that's going to make me happy right now: LUNCH (at 5pm)

The Spoils of Modern Technology

At my house, we've got a television that doesn't get a TV signal, and is used for the Wii and the DVD player. We don't have a VCR player. Not that I watch movies a lot at home anyway, but I'm sad that we don't have that option to watch VHS cassettes.

I've been at my parents' place as my sister was going through all the VHS tapes and there are some movies I'd love to spend a lazy day watching some movies I haven't seen in a long time, like Great Expectations, Sliding doors, The Iron Giant, Cats Don't Dance, etc., but unless I wrangle a VCR, I'll have to try stealing some time from the TV here in Monrovia to watch some sorely-missed movies.

Ooh, I saw the Hudsuker Proxy too...

Selfish Things.

There aren't too many things that I've regretted doing in my life, for I believe that everything happens for a reason, and we learn from every experience we have. It bothers me greatly that at this moment, I am regretting not being at my friends' wedding right now.

And my main reason is a completely selfish one that's completely unrelated to my friends getting married.

Today is/was the wedding day of two friends whom I haven't seen in some time, spent time in even a longer time. The bride I've known since elementary school, and were best friends back then, until we went to separate middle schools, and became friends again when we reunited back in high school. For the first few years in college, we kept in touch by going to Disneyland together, as my best friend and I would meet up with her there. The groom I met in high school, and had practically all the same classes. The two of them were friends back in school, but did not get together until sometime after college.

Granted, I did get the notice of their wedding in very short notice, but I didn't think that I had plans anyway. But I had a feeling that I wasn't going to be able to make it either way, because there was one main reason that would stop me from going.

That main reason being the fact that I did not feel like I could face my (now former) bestest friend in the whole wide world.

I feel absolutely stupid and terrible to make such a foolish reason stop me from sharing such a wonderful day with old friends, but the fact of the matter is, I really don't feel like I can even interact with him, knowing full well that we'd be sat together. The last time we even saw each other, we probably didn't even exchange a dozen words to each other. And his girlfriend would be there too. The girlfriend that he kept hiding from me more than anyone for so long. And everyone that would be at that wedding that would know us, know us as the dynamic duo who did everything together, and everyone would wonder and be shocked to learn that we don't even talk to each other anymore. Even when speaking to the bride about getting information of the wedding, she told me that I could just look at his invitation, as he received his, and I didn't mine. After she said that, I chuckled to myself, as if that would never happen. I don't even know where he lives now.

I'm sure if I had more time to mentally prepare, or had less time and lots of alcohol, it really wouldn't have been an issue. I honestly didn't think that the whole situation would still affect me in this way.

Either way, I'm not happy with my decision, but if I did wind up going, I probably wouldn't have been happy with my decision.

For my own sake, I really hope that I get over over it and fast.

Very Superstitious

As much as I don't want to admit it, I am a pretty superstitious person...at the very least, in certain circumstances.

I'm not superstitious enough to be weary of my two black cats,I've never believed in that. I tend not to walk on ladders because that's just a liability, and I think the luck I have causes me to break mirrors, not the other way around. Whenever I do spill salt, I do take a pinch and throw it over my left shoulder, I freak out if ever I drop a pair of scissors (aside from the fact that it's dangerous), I don't like stepping on paper, and I avoid at all costs to write peoples' names in red.

But what I get most superstitious about is when I go out to perform on stage, or when I play or watch sports; the latter of which becomes pretty problematic and frustrating more than anything.

Right now I'm sitting in the den, because I can't stand to watch UCLA lose to Memphis in their Final Four NCAA game. They've been doing this well so far, and I haven't really sat down to watch a game. They've been playing sloppily and have been overpowered for most of the game (that I've managed to watch), and even though Memphis is a faster, bigger team than they are, giving my Bruins a challenge, I can't help but to think that the fact that I'm watching them is causing them to lose.

So I left the room. Of course, I may have thought of doing that a lot sooner.

I'm not going to get into what I used to do when I played sports...

This May Become an Unhealthy Obsession

Remember how I said being Pilipino-American makes me predisposed to WANT free things, whether or not I actually needs said things? Yeah, signing up for Freecycle and subscribing to the Craigslist Free Listing RSS feed is totally not good for me.

Besides the fact that I tend to check for new listings on a more constant basis, I've also started to rationalize why I should pick up things I have no business owning. Why do I need a trash bag full of dodgeballs? Why would I need dodgeballs? One never knows! Wouldn't it be cool to get a stand alone sink with cabinet? WAIT, what do I need a stand alone sink for?!?! How about that large amount of blank newsprint someone's giving away? I can surely do something with that, right? Perhaps, but I DO NOT NEED IT RIGHT NOW.

And then there are the things that I would like, but could not justify the drive to get it. Someone is giving away old photography how-to books from the 70's and 80's, and those are always interesting to read...but would that justify my driving all the way to Inglewood/LAX for it? I'm...not sure. There was also something not to big, but something that would have been pretty cool to have, but was in Gardena. I had to sit there for a good amount of time, convincing myself that it's not worth it...it's not worth the drive...especially since I'm on the Valley side of the 'Hills right now, it's definitely not worth it...

Perhaps even worse are the things that I know people could want/need, and I almost feel like I have a duty to try to obtain it for them. How about picking up an old snake tank for Esteban? Didn't Sofia say she needed a floor lamp? Maybe Henry and Bianca would want the dogeballs?

NO. I. MUST. STOP.

But what does it hurt to look...?

At Wit's End

The main computer is having a case of the Mondays.

I thought Day One of a week being entirely alone in the office and in the house (save the pets and the housekeeper for part of the day) was going pretty well. I checked in with Heidi and asked a couple of questions I had, confirmed with our bookkeeper that she was coming in. I was going to burn a DVD for our lighting designer as well as your run of the mill multitasking work when the computer froze. Okay, no problem. Ended a few programs and that was fine. I had Windows Explorer up, and that wasn't responding, so I killed that program, and when I thought the Start bar went away, I expected it to return within a moment or two, but it didn't. I decided to reboot the computer. That in itself was a bit of a mess, and so I did a manual shutdown. I did the required wait a bit to make sure the discs stop spinning, and turned on the computer once again. The HP splash goes up, and then the screen goes blank, save for a blinking cursor on the top left screen. After some time of waiting for something to happen, I realize that nothing was going to.

I get more of this, and then I start to try debugging. After many failed attempts, I rush over to the other computer (thank goodness we have one) to look up known problems and solutions similar to what I was dealing with. I called our inept IT guy to no avail (he may be inept, but he may know how to fix this glitch). Then our bookkeeper finally came to work on things as scheduled, which was inconvenient considering it was the only working computer. Thankfully, I am staying here, which means my computer comes with me, and I pop it open to try troubleshooting. I was getting nowhere fast. What was frustrating for the bookkeeper was that she needed to print things, and since the printers are connected to the main computer, we couldn't print. I could have printed on my computer, simpoly by taking my laptop to the cable and downloading the drivers, but my computer doesn't have Quickbooks. Even scarier is the fact that we have two grant deadlines this week: one postmark deadline for today, and a receipt deadline for tomorrow. I tried calling our IT guy again. Nada. Not having quick access to the files on the computer would make things difficult, even though our grant writer has everything she needs.

Then I get the brilliant idea of hooking our external backup hard drive to my computer to see if I can access files. I could simply install FileMaker Pro on my computer and access that names and address I need to send out documents, and all would be good. Even better was the fact that our external hard drive is a hybrid drive, which means it serves as a backup, but also functions as another hard drive where you can access files within its own mini OS. Pretty cool.

Once I figure out how to use it, I realize that the regular weekly scheduled backups haven't happened in aabout three weeks, and even with that (since my main concern was getting database names), the backup is arranged such that it's all zipped into one file that restores everyting on the computer, and I sure as hell did not want all those work files overwriting my stuff.

I was going crazy. I was able to circumvent getting someone's address by looking through emails on the other computer, but that also poses its own problem, since we just got that computer at the beginning of the month, and it only has a month's worth of emails in which to delve.

I decided to give it another try. I don't know what I did, I'm not sure if I did it through DOS, but I got the computer working in safe mode, through which I was able to do a full backup onto the external drive just in case and tried booting a system restore from yesterday evening.

I thought I was home free. The computer restarted itself to boot up with the older settings (I hadn't done much at this point, it was around 11:30 when this all happened), and it still didn't work.

I was going to die. Then, I noticed something that I really didn't pay attention to until that moment; the green disc drive light was on. Was it trying to read the blank DVD for a boot? I pressed the eject button, which I was hoping was going to work, the DVD pops out, and Windows loads.

Oh.
Sweet.
Cheese.

I'd almost want to do and die now, but I'm still waiting for this grant application that I need to print out and send off.

Freecycling

Being Pilipino-American, it's in my genes that I swoop on anything I can get for free. If possible, I'm taking two. On a similar token, I'm also not one to waste things. Just because someone no longer wants something doesn't mean it's condemned as rubbish. If something is still usable, whether in its current condition or if some repair is necessary, I'm all for it.

That's why I'm so glad there are places like Craigslist's free section and Freecycle, amongst others. These sites really apply the adage, "One man's trash is another man's treasure." I know of people who were not working at the time (my roommate included), and would scour the Craigslist Free section for gems whose cost would be the gasoline and time used to go pick those items up, and possibly any repair the item may need. Perhaps the only thing that stopped me from doing this int he 6 weeks I was unemployed was the fact I holed myself up in my room trying to knit like crazy.

What's also interesting is the type of people who frequent these things. Craigslist is typically known to draw an interesting mix of people, and for Freecycle, each region is moderated by something like a Yahoo! Group, so one would have to subscribe to the service, and therefore have more reliable postings/responders.

I was put in charge of getting rid of some old props out of my work's storage unit, so I posted ads in both places. I made the mistake to post the phone number to the office in the Craigslist ad, and after one call, I immediately removed it. Thanks to the fact all of Freecycle's posts are reviewed by moderators, so that was removed from my posting. It wasn't long before people were responding, and it's really interesting the stories people have when asking for free things. People also have some strange requests at all. I'm very glad that I did find someone who wanted everything, compared to the people who were picking and choosing, looking for the cleanest, not too big, best-looking ONE item when I wanted to rid of them all, and it was going to a good cause. BONUS was that they had a truck and were located closer than I was to the storage unit.

I'm glad that I've finally taken the initiative to sign myself up for Freecycle, as I used to rely on my former co-worker telling me of interesting offers in the group. Of course, when my co-worker left my old job, I never got to know of great offers. My roommate was great in telling me of some choice Craigslist postings. The other day, someone posted he was getting rid of basically an entire darkroom, including the enlarger, trays, and from the image, it looked like he had the easels I REALLY LOVE USING (and are moderately pricey). Sadly, she found the post 2.5 hours after its posting, and when I called to leave a voicemail, I never got a response. I figured something like that wouldn't be around for too long. :(

I'm also very happy that I changed my subscription to Freecycle from my work email to my personal address, and that I'm getting individual emails that are posted as soon as its okay'd rather getting a delayed, daily digest. When checking my email this morning, I saw that someone is getting rid of their busted, old Schwinn. Seeing it was posted within the hour, I responded, and was the first person to respond and now I'm an owner of an old bike! All I need to do now is to pick it up and get it repaired at one of many places I can go. I'm stoked, as getting a bike has been something that's been on my mind for a long time, especially now when my roommate got herself a cute, classic bike, and my family's been biking a lot more themselves.

What really matters at this point is that I fully utilize my new acquisition. Maybe I can take it to run small errands, or taco runs...perhaps take it to a bike path and cruise for a day. It sounds like that would be really fun, especially if going on a nice, scenic path :)

UPDATE EDIT:
I think Freecycle is going to be a great source for entertainment. Even though it's generally discouraged, people can create postings for things they want/need. Of course, one never knows what others have that they may want.

I just received another batch of postings. Granted, this one user is offering a brand-new, still-in-box wireless router, this person also posted a string of wanted posts, asking for a car, a laptop and an aquarium. No details provided on these objects, I suppose any kind of the above listed will do fine. Or maybe I'm just some dork who finds that amusing.

It's Been 5 Years...

It's rather crazy to think that we've been "at war" for 5 years.

Five years ago, I was still in school. I was finishing up, working on my senior project, a performance and photo installation of my own for one show, rehearsing for two dance numbers of others for the same show, and a completely different installation for another show. That and I was working part time at Kung Fu.

I remember the moment I found out that we declared war on Iraq. I was in my apartment, and Jenny and Jackie were both there, too. I was in our room, and Jenny announced it from the living room.

I immediately rifled through my CDs and blasted this song from the boombox:

Jenny and Jack groaned when they realized what I was doing.

After all the protests and talks and town hall meetings I documented, attended and talked about with so many people, it's crazy to think that it's still happening. It was a trip to wake up to GW talking about it, too.