Selfish Things.

There aren't too many things that I've regretted doing in my life, for I believe that everything happens for a reason, and we learn from every experience we have. It bothers me greatly that at this moment, I am regretting not being at my friends' wedding right now.

And my main reason is a completely selfish one that's completely unrelated to my friends getting married.

Today is/was the wedding day of two friends whom I haven't seen in some time, spent time in even a longer time. The bride I've known since elementary school, and were best friends back then, until we went to separate middle schools, and became friends again when we reunited back in high school. For the first few years in college, we kept in touch by going to Disneyland together, as my best friend and I would meet up with her there. The groom I met in high school, and had practically all the same classes. The two of them were friends back in school, but did not get together until sometime after college.

Granted, I did get the notice of their wedding in very short notice, but I didn't think that I had plans anyway. But I had a feeling that I wasn't going to be able to make it either way, because there was one main reason that would stop me from going.

That main reason being the fact that I did not feel like I could face my (now former) bestest friend in the whole wide world.

I feel absolutely stupid and terrible to make such a foolish reason stop me from sharing such a wonderful day with old friends, but the fact of the matter is, I really don't feel like I can even interact with him, knowing full well that we'd be sat together. The last time we even saw each other, we probably didn't even exchange a dozen words to each other. And his girlfriend would be there too. The girlfriend that he kept hiding from me more than anyone for so long. And everyone that would be at that wedding that would know us, know us as the dynamic duo who did everything together, and everyone would wonder and be shocked to learn that we don't even talk to each other anymore. Even when speaking to the bride about getting information of the wedding, she told me that I could just look at his invitation, as he received his, and I didn't mine. After she said that, I chuckled to myself, as if that would never happen. I don't even know where he lives now.

I'm sure if I had more time to mentally prepare, or had less time and lots of alcohol, it really wouldn't have been an issue. I honestly didn't think that the whole situation would still affect me in this way.

Either way, I'm not happy with my decision, but if I did wind up going, I probably wouldn't have been happy with my decision.

For my own sake, I really hope that I get over over it and fast.