NEVER AGAIN!*

I have exorcised the daemon...the daemon called cheap, flat, stanky beer.

The two kegs vexed me all week, mostly because I knew that I couldn't salvage all that beer and I felt very defeated and disappointed all that beer would go to waste. I did wind up drinking some of it even though the stuff was practically flat but at least it didn't smell bad nor was it discolored. But I wasn't about to serve it to guests like that, because that's just bad host(essing). Even though there was no business introducing even MORE cheap beer into the house when we had gallons of leftover really cheap beer in the house, I couldn't serve the frozen pizzas my guest oh so graciously brought with watered down lemonade...sure, we were missing the trucker hats (for the authenticity, not the irony), but dammit, we were going to have the cheap beer!

But I digress once again. I officially gave up on trying to drink the junk on Tuesday. Perhaps that's what partly broke my spirit so early this week. And for the rest of the week, I wanted to avoid those things like the plague. Mainly, I wasn't really home for waking hours for the rest of the week, and maybe having to look at those utter defeats would just depress me, make me close my door and surf the internet until the wee hours of the morning.

But tonight, I was going to get rid of them.

The first thing I did when I got home was to grab the giant bucket from the bathroom that I used to dispense some of the beer and empty into the sink, but after doing a few loads of that and seeing how cumbersome it was, I switched to the smaller buckets outside on the porch for an easier carry to the sink. Just when I found this system to work, the first miracle occurred: one of them emptied. At first, I thought it just needed some more pressure, but it was in fact empty. I guess I underestimated the actual weight of the keg itself and thought there was A LOT still in there, but there really wasn't. It's pretty difficult to assess how much I did wind up having to dump, but I would figure that at least we got rid of half of each keg, but I want to be optimistic that we probably had to get rid of 10 gallons at the most.

Either way, I am extremely sad that I had to dispose of all that beer. I hate wasting things, and more than most, alcohol. It really broke my heart to do that. More heartbreaking is the fact that because of this whole ordeal, the smell of the beer (including the fact that my car right now smells of it with all the gear in there) and having to watch all that beer go down the drain makes me never want to drink beer again.

*Okay, never again probably means a good long time**






**Okay, a good long time really meant the fact that while I was going through this final emptying process, I cracked open a fresh beer in a bottle from the fridge to celebrate the end of the week and the fact that I was finally ridding my life of my PBR burden. And right after all this, I drove over to my parents' to go and hang out with my Mormon cousin who was arriving later on in the evening.

I do enjoy my situational irony.