Outside Ourselves

I've been awake for well over an hour at this point, when I would otherwise be slowly waking up to the radio right now. It's not to be today, for one, I forgot to turn on my alarm to go off this morning, and because I didn't spend the night here.

I had decided to go visit my family and actually try to watch a bit of Olympics there, which is something I have set as a goal for myself if I don't have anything planned for myself. Unfortunately, I do have several things working against me, the biggest one being the fact that my home doesn't have a TV that gets a television signal, so I can't readily watch it, and when I do wind up in Monrovia to sit and watch the games, I wind up sleeping during some of the best parts, and this last trip was no exception.

I at least got to wake up to see the USA basketball team play against Germany, and even though Germany has two NBA players, not to mention the fact that they do have some of Europe's top players (because they do have good teams over there, which is surprising to some), USA was very much kicking their butts. Still, I think I'm just preconditioned to just...sleep during certain events; as I was sitting and catching some of the game before I left to come back to LA, I did nod off for a few moments. I suppose it doesn't help that I was up and at 'em at 5 am after going to sleep sometime after 1, but still, I didn't think I'd be such a sleepy person nodding off at any moment that I could get.

The other interesting thing is that I feel as though I have a completely new responsibility this week in my own home: In a sense, I'm kind of house-sitting, but more specifically, I'm cat-sitting. I was told this past Friday that my roommate would be gone the entire week on vacation with her family, leaving me completely alone in the house save for the two little monsters to keep me company. At this time, and with the history that I now have with the place, I would otherwise opt to maybe not spend that much of my time here, but with the cats here who need attention, food and a clean litter box, I'm more apt to stay here during the week. I suppose that it wouldn't be bad to fill their food and water bowls and have their box clean for a few more hours than they're used to (which happens on occasion), but I don't want to leave them completely alone and lonely, especially since my roommate has closed her bedroom doors to them (with due reason - I don't even keep my door open when I'm not here in danger of getting all my stuff roughed up by the paws of some rambunctious kitties). So long as I know that they will have enough food for the overnight, I wouldn't mind not spending the night completely alone in this empty house maybe one or twice this week, and I think our neighbor has the key so he could check on them, too.

It probably doesn't help that my roommate hasn't been working since last week, so she's actually been here at night, which isn't something that's consistently happened for practically the entire summer, and I do say that it does give myself a certain piece of mind. Sure, she wasn't around at night when she was working the night shift. But it's a little different knowing that she's not here at all this week, not filling the space with her presence, whether I'm here or not. It's not like this is the first time I've been by myself in this place when she's been gone, for she was traveling a lot last year for conferences and the sort. It does give a different feeling to the place, cats or not, and that's something I'm very unfamiliar with nowadays, especially after what happened last month.

I don't know. It's not like I'm trying to focus on this uncomfortable aspect of it, but it was something my roommate was worried about with me, considering everything that has happened. It is something that I can't ignore, and maybe I should make sure that I don't put myself in a position where I'm afraid to come home from any place I'd have to be in the evening during the week, or that I'd be apprehensive about being in this emptier house during the night.

I suppose only time will tell.