Hello Again

Let me do you the favor and tell you that if you want to watch the video, spending half a minute would suffice. Trust me.


Fancy that, I'm back to blogging.

It's not that I had nothing to write about, and had thoughts that I did want to put down in some shape or form, but this month since day one has been nothing short of madness, and along with other things in my life, blogging was one of the things that really didn't happen during this time.

As my entry at the end of last month suggested, I had big plans for the rest of the summer, with hopes of doing a few of those things in July. Unfortunately, this month was started in the most unsettling way: around 2:30am July 1, I woke up to a man standing at the end of my bed. He had somehow got our side door open, and was in my room for who knows how long. Sparing the details that I'd rather not get into, I'm okay, nothing was stolen to our knowledge, locks were changed/are fully functional now (though there was no sign of forced entry).

It was a very scary experience for me, as I was alone in the house with my roommate working the swing shift at the time. Even though the police came to investigate, dusted for fingerprints, and I have the support of many people around me, all of that still hasn't allowed me to completely put this experience behind me. Out of the 18 days of this month so far, I've only stayed at my home maybe 5 times, one being after the incident occurred, when my roommate came home from work and we locked ourselves into her room and slept in her bed. Since then, I've slept in 6 other beds aside from my bed at home. It worked out that I had plans to stay the night in other places already, as well as house sit for my boss and then house sit for my friends that I'm doing this week, so I don't have to spend nights alone at home, trying to sleep in the dark of my room, where it happened. Yes, there are new locks even for my room, but I still do feel uneasy about things, and since then, I've never really had a good night's sleep. I've either woken up in the middle of the night freaked out, have cried myself to sleep, or otherwise. I've had unsettling dreams every night as well.

As much as it is nice to get some space from the incident and where it happened, I worry that avoiding that space for so long will make it even more difficult for me to come back to it and try to settle back into normalcy. That's not to say that my time spent alone in a strange place as I've been doing for the bulk of this time has been easy, but I've managed to keep myself busy until I'm tired enough to go to bed. In those few times that I've been home without someone there with me, I do rather well by myself, keeping myself busy, keeping the lights off as much as possible so whoever doesn't know where I am/what I'm doing, but last I tried, each time I turn off the lights, this overwhelming sense of fear gets to me, and I then have to somehow convince myself there isn't anything to worry about and hopefully sleep will take me quickly.

I know these things take time, and I have to keep reminding myself that. Still, that doesn't stop me from waiting and wishing for the day that I can once again feel safe sleeping in my own bed, alone again.

...and in case you're wondering, I have been making something of an effort to find a new place to live.