My Dumb Luck Strikes Again

Like I have mentioned before, I feel as though I've been put on this earth just to see how badly I can mess up my life. Unfortunately for my fate, I usually have some pretty powerful, but dumb luck on my side.

Last night was another testament to that.

I thought, well, how bad would having 4 drinks in a span of 3-4 hours hurt? Well, if two of them had gin, my abusive lover that I can't seem to leave and we were making the drinks ourselves, you knew that all spells trouble at every angle you looked at it.

The evening was great, and I tried to be good not to drink beyond the drinks allotted to me (albeit all being very strong drinks). Add to the mix I came straight from work and only had some uninspired hours d'oeuvres to start and not so substantial (mostly good) nibbles during the event. The fries were helpful and tasty, but the damage was already done.

I knew I shouldn't have driven home, especially after all the drunk text messaging, half of which I don't remember sending, and cannot recall receiving (since I seemed to have deleted every other one). From the ones that remain, the message of "BE SAFE!," "Get a ride home" or "Please be safe" was a constant. I knew I should have stayed in my car and waited it out when I spent who knows how long tearing through my things, trying to find my KCRW card and my card holder that had my credit card and ATM card. I was sitting in the driver's seat, tossing things to the floor, going crazy, and even got out of the car at some point to go back into the restaurant to see if it was there, only to glance into the back window to see the thing sitting on the floor in the back. How it got there, I don't know, and how I managed to get money out to pay for my parking, drive from Santa Monica back to Lincoln Heights, park and lock the car, remove the contacts and fall asleep with my laptop by my side after a failed attempt to check email/etc. is beyond me. Even more surprising is that almost everything that was in my bag was placed back where they should have been, save a pair of shoes and my just in case zip up shopping bag and checkbook, which remained on the floor of my front passenger seat.

I woke up slightly cold with my glasses still on, fully dressed, and my laptop at the crook of my arm, which fell asleep, or perhaps I put it to sleep without my recollection. My whole being was very much in pain, too.

If course, I guess I shouldn't complain, because the pain was all my doing, and my icky feelingness is a pale comparison of what kind of pain I would be feeling (or not feeling) had I not been so lucky driving home in the condition and gotten into an accident.

It seems like I have one of these incidents once a year. One of those nights where I don't really have the agenda to get really smashed but do anyway and manage to make it home and wake up amazed that I'm waking up in bed, mostly all there.

But it's such a selfish thing for me to do. What if I did get into an accident? How would the people I just parted company feel? What would my loved ones think knowing I was out there like that? What if the drivers around me know I was in that condition? What if I caught the attention of Highway Patrol? It's a quick 10 minute drive from SaMo to Lincoln Heights at that hour, and traffic is pretty light, but 12 miles is a lot of distance of liability.

Sometimes I get pretty selfish and self-destructive. That's a very tragic flaw, which I hope one day does not become a fatal flaw.

A much-missed casualty of the night: My DS stylus. Good thing I have a spare, and it may be somewhere in my car missing from another instance it fell out of my purse.